


truth's got its sight set on you

by Angeeolras



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Actor Steve Rogers, Childhood Friends, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Lack of Communication, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Bucky Barnes, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Sharing a Bed, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-07-10 02:37:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 46,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15940058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angeeolras/pseuds/Angeeolras
Summary: Steve Rogers is a rising actor. Bucky Barnes is his childhood best friend. When they kiss for a stupid reason in an amusement park, they don't expect the paparazzi to catch them- but now they have to explain to the world that they are in fact not dating. Unless they decide not to?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [booksareourlove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/booksareourlove/gifts).



> So this is my first fic for this fandom, I hope you enjoy it! English is not my first language so if you find any mistake, feel free to tell me. Thanks again to @booksareourlove on AO3 and @angelatwell on tumblr for proofreading it! You can find me on tumblr at @jeeanmoreau or @bcckybarnes for my marvel sideblog. Tags will be added as the story goes!

For as long as they remembered, it had been Steve and Bucky. They met in kindergarten, befriended each other through birthday parties and shared pencils, and never left each other's side. But soon enough it became Steve and Bucky and the world. Steve, who had been frail and sickly as a child, had become a tall, muscular man with an unexpected love for acting. He found parts in several plays while still in high school, refusing to admit he was dreaming of Broadway and maybe even Hollywood, until he was discovered by Peggy Carter. Peggy Carter was an agent for SHIELD, a production company looking for new promising actors – and according to her, Steve fitted in that description. Soon enough, he was dropping out of high school in favor of auditioning for new roles, as well as finally getting the professional acting lessons he deserved but never could afford. Bucky, of course, was more than happy for his friend. When Steve scored his first role, in a young adult movie called False, Bucky came to see him on set as much as he could, considering he was still in high school. And though it felt strange to suddenly share his best friend with the whole world, he couldn't be anything other than relieved that the others finally learned to see Steve as he did, an amazing, talented, big-hearted man.  
  
Soon, Steve got a leading role in a successful movie called Gold Mine, but the moment everything changed was with the release of Captain America, the first movie in a series where he played an enhanced supersoldier during World War II. All of a sudden, Steve had come from the rising actor with a few good roles, to the new Hollywood celebrity with a number of fans that never stopped growing. And then in Steve's life there were interviews and charity events and he couldn't even go to the grocery store on his own because people recognized him everywhere, but the only thing that never changed was Bucky. Bucky, who had become a mechanic in his father's garage, as it was expected from him, but never complained, because at least he was still in Brooklyn. Bucky, who never saw Steve as anything other than his childhood best friend, the one he used to protect when he picked fights with bullies twice as big as him. Bucky, who'd come to see him on set with sandwiches and apple pie, just like he did at the end of Steve's rehearsals when he was still in high school. Bucky, who fell asleep in the couch almost once a week because he was too lazy to get to bed at the end of a movie, and never failed to make Steve laugh even after a tiring day with his annoying, pretentious co-stars. Bucky who still lived with Steve even though it meant constant high security in the building, leaving the apartment with sunglasses and a hoodie, even though Steve had very messy hours and would sometimes wake him up by leaving at three in the morning because they needed to film a scene with the rising sun in the background. In a way, Bucky was the last ounce of stability in Steve's life. When he was with Bucky, Steve didn't feel like Steven Grant Rogers, successful Hollywood actor and half of America's wet dream, he didn't feel like Captain America. He felt like Stevie, the Brooklyn boy, and that was all he needed.  
  
The thing was, Steve had never wanted to be famous. He loved acting, he loved movies, he loved his roles. He even loved his fans and the idea that in a way, he could make a change in someone's life by trying to be a good role model, a good inspiration. He loved using social media to advocate for social justice causes, and he tried to interact with his fans as much as he could, especially those who reached out to him to talk about their personal issues. Steve Rogers loved people, but he was not made for fame. He never really loved attention, he hated having to hide himself in public places, he hated being under scrutiny for everything he did, everything he said. Steve would have dreamed of a normal life with normal friends, but he could never sacrifice his acting career that he loved so much. But Bucky made everything easier. He was the normality he needed, and when they were together, it was easy for him to even forget that the rest of the world existed.

Moments with Bucky were the highlight of Steve's week. They tried to go out just the two of them as often as they could, or just stay in, watch a movie, order takeout and pretend that they were normal people, living normal lives, which could only have been true for Bucky if his best friend was not in the front page of almost every tabloid every other day. So when on Steve's first day off in two weeks, Bucky suggested that they went to Coney Island, just like when they were kids, Steve could not say no, even though Coney Island was quite popular, especially on Valentine’s day- it was not Steve’s fault that it happened to be the only free weekend he’d had in the whole month - and he would inevitably have to take pictures with kids and maybe their mothers, sign a few posters, maybe even talk to a journalist. But it was Bucky and when he was with Bucky he was just Steve, and Steve loved Brooklyn and Coney Island. So they went.  
  
It was not that Steve didn't have money, quite the contrary actually. But he had grown in a modest household with a single mother, and even fame and wealth could not change the way he had been raised. He hated spending money, especially for what he deemed unnecessary. So when he arrived in Coney Island with Bucky and realized that the price to enter the brand new amusement park that had recently been built was three times superior to when he last went when he was a teenager, Steve was fuming.  
  
“Bucky, look at the prices,” he declared, “I can’t spend that much for an afternoon. That’d be like, kissing goodbye to all my principles.”  
  
“Of course you can, you’re an actor,” Bucky answered. “You’re Captain America,” he teased him. Steve rolled his eyes.  
  
"Look, it's not a big deal," Bucky continued. "We both earn enough money to afford a ticket to an amusement park once in a while." But Steve was not convinced. He wondered if he could get a discount because of his fame.  
  
"Now that's just manipulation," Bucky answered when he voiced his idea. "Come on, you don't have to count every penny you spend anymore, you know that? Let yourself go for once."  
  
Steve shrugged, and braced himself for the idea of spending so much for an afternoon. Bucky knew that his friend was upset, and then his eyes fell on The Poster. Later, when thinking of that moment, he'd wonder how he took so long noticing it, because it was bright pink and plastered all along the wall of the ticket booth. Maybe it was his brain trying to save him from another bad idea that he'd regret later, but it didn't work.  
  
"Hey, have you seen this offer?" Bucky suggested before the words of the poster even processed to his brain. When they did, he immediately had second thoughts. A Valentine offer. Couples get half price. Steve and Bucky were not a couple. Pointing out the poster was useless at best, ridiculous at worst. Why would he have even thought about it if he didn't see Steve as anything other than his best friend? The truth was, he did. Steve was everything Bucky could hope in a best friend, but he wanted more. He wanted to know how it'd feel to fall asleep in the same bed, Steve's arm across his chest. He wanted to know the taste of Steve's lips, the way he kissed. He wanted to spend his whole life knowing Steve wanted him, Steve would always be with him. He couldn't imagine seeing Steve falling in love with someone else. At first, he had thought that it was just jealousy, the fear of Steve walking away from him, leaving him behind. The truth was, he had been slowly falling in love with his best friend for his whole life. There had been no awakening, no before and after. It had, in a way, maybe always been a forever, between them. But Bucky could never act on his feelings. The idea, the very high likelihood of Steve not reciprocating his feelings, the idea that it could repulse him, that he could lose him, was unbearable for Bucky. So he had decided that he'd rather live his whole life with the frustration of never knowing, of never trying, than with the emptiness of his existence without Steve.  
  
But now Steve was going to understand that Bucky thought of him romantically.  
  
"A Valentine offer?" Steve interrupted Bucky's thoughts. "But isn't it needed to be a couple for it to work?"  
  
Bucky didn't know what to say, fearing that everything he could find to defend himself would actually show more of his true feelings, so he said nothing.  
  
"You want us to pretend to be a couple?" Steve then suggested, confused.  
  
"Why not?" Bucky answered, because he apparently had no impulse control and kept making decisions he'd regret later.  
  
Steve opened his mouth, as if to say something, and then changed his mind.  
  
"What?" He only offered.  
  
"I don't know! It might save us the money! You'd feel bad about spending too much and I don't want it to spoil your afternoon. What are they gonna say, anyway? They can't ask us to give them receipts or anything, can they?"  
  
In front of them, in the line, a couple kissed in front of the ticket booth. Both Bucky and Steve blushed when they understood.  
  
"Still up for it?"  
  
But more than he was sensible, Bucky was stubborn, so he nodded.  
  
"Come on pal, it's nothing. It's like, a bro kiss. It's just to save money."  
  
At this point, Bucky was more hurting himself than anything, but now that he'd suggested it, he felt like he couldn't back away. It'd be even more suspicious.  
  
"A bro kiss?" Steve sounded incredulous and Bucky wanted to slap himself in the face. What kind of sentence was a bro kiss?  
  
"To save a pal's money?" Bucky sounded more and more unsure as Steve kept pointing out the ridiculousness of the situation.  
  
"I don't want to force you into kissing me because I don't like expensive things," Steve said.  
  
Bucky didn't want to tell Steve that kissing him would never feel like a chore to him, but he thought it so hard that it should have shown on his face. Steve didn't seem to notice it.  
  
"I told you, it's not a problem. It's nothing. And it could challenge a little the heteronormativity of these kind of adverts, right?"  
  
This was a low blow. Bucky knew that by playing on Steve's obsession with social justice, he'd make it a political problem rather than a personal, egoistical one. Steve would not be kissing Bucky to spend less money – he'd do it for the greater good, for something that meant more than they did.  
  
Steve seemed to realize it too, and his brow furrowed, his face conflicted. He waited for a few seconds and then answered.  
  
"Alright," he said.  
  
It was a terrible idea. They both knew it. They didn't know how much.

"Two tickets," Bucky asked. He then braced himself for what was gonna come. "With the Valentine offer."  
  
The employee inside the ticket booth didn't seem to be particularly surprised. Mechanically, she answered: "I'm going to ask you to kiss to confirm the purchase."  
  
Bucky blushed uncontrollably, though he had known that it would happen.  
  
Steve only smiled, as if to comfort Bucky, and stepped in to kiss him. Bucky knew that if they hesitated too much, it would not feel real to the employee, so he did the same even though every one of his braincells seemed to scream at him to back away and change his mind.  
  
When their lips touched, Bucky did not feel his whole world shifting as he expected. In fact, they only kissed briefly before they broke apart and the seller gave them their tickets. They stepped inside the park, avoiding each other's eyes, and walked in silence for a few seconds before Steve tried to break the tension.  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
Bucky nodded, not trusting himself with words at the moment. He didn't know if he was disappointed that Steve didn't discover his undying love for Bucky when they kissed and, say, drop on one knee to propose, or relieved that Steve didn't seem to make it weirder than it really was, promptly realize Bucky's feelings and run away screaming.  
  
"Sure?"  
  
Bucky tried to smile to ease Steve's worries.  
  
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be? Come on, I want to try and ride the Cyclone before you eat a shit ton of cotton candy and get sick on me."

***

When they came back home in the evening, Steve and Bucky were too exhausted to even think about what happened at the beginning of the day. Even though they had met a few fans of Steve who had shyly asked for a picture with their favorite actor, they had mostly spent the day on their own, enjoying the sunny weather and the comfortable feeling that came with their childhood nostalgia. The day had been uneventful except for the embarrassing fake-kiss, but the rides had taken a lot of their energy. As soon as they arrived, they crashed on the couch with some leftover food and fell in a comfortable silence in front of a cooking show that they had probably seen already a while ago. With nothing to think about, Bucky couldn't stop himself from going back to the afternoon. It had been great to spend the day with Steve, as though they had been children all over again, teens without responsibilities. But Bucky's mind wandered again to their kiss, if it could be called like that. It was more a press of lips than anything, a convenient touching to spend less money, and they had not talked about it after. But Bucky feared that it would still change their relationship in the future. Would Steve realize that Bucky loved him? Would he be freaked out?  
  
They went to sleep not long after, both tired out by their day, but Bucky couldn't find rest, poisoned by his thoughts about his best friend. He had long buried his hopes of a relationship with him that wasn't platonic, but the fact that Steve had accepted to kiss him had somehow given him a taste of what it would be to date him. Now he couldn't keep this idea off his head. It had been a bad idea from the start. He should have known that he could never fake his feelings for Steve. But he had been too proud to change his mind. Now he would have to deal with the consequences, even if it messed with his feelings.

In the morning, Steve woke up first. His night had been troubled and hadn't given him the rest he needed. His eyes hurt from the sun shining through his window, so he made the choice not to look at his phone just yet. He took a lazy breakfast, waiting for Bucky to emerge from his room. He feared that awkwardness that had plagued the end of their day would come back now that Bucky had had time to think about and regret his actions. Steve had been confused when Bucky had suggested that they used the Valentine offer, even afraid for a moment that Bucky was only making fun of his feelings. But Bucky's idea had been innocent, a best friend helping a best friend out. He would never think of Steve that way.  
  
Which couldn't be said about Steve, who had been painfully in love with Bucky since they were sixteen. Bucky, who had been here for him when he was just a sickly kid, Bucky who had given him the reassurance he had needed just before his very first audition for a role in high school, and for every single one after that. Bucky, who had not abandoned him even though Steve couldn't be here for him as much as he wanted to now because of his career. Bucky who had just come out of his room with (surprisingly endearing) bed hair, his phone in his hand and an alarmed look on his face. Steve straightened himself on his chair when he realized that Bucky looked worried, panicked even.  
  
"Steve?" he asked in a shaking voice. "Have you checked up your phone this morning?"  
  
Steve frowned and shook his head.  
  
"Maybe you should." Bucky answered.  
  
Steve went up to his bedroom and found his phone on his nightstand. Coming back to the living room where Bucky hadn't moved an inch, he turned his phone on. When the notifications came up, his eyes widened. He had eighteen missed calls from Peggy, two from his colleague and co-star Tony, and four texts from his friend Natasha. He didn't bother to read them at first, looking up to see Bucky staring at him with worry.  
  
"What happened?" Steve asked, suddenly concerned. Had someone been hurt?  
  
"Check Twitter, pal," Bucky only said.  
  
So Steve did. He had, as always, a few thousand notifications, but many of them seemed to give the link from the same article. Steve opened the link, from an entertainment website called HYDRA. The headline explained every panicked text he had been sent.

IS STEVE ROGERS GAY? "CAPTAIN AMERICA" ACTOR REPORTED KISSING A MAN IN CONEY ISLAND


	2. Chapter 2

Of course. Of course they would have been seen by paparazzi. Steve was constantly followed by those vultures, starving for a scoop that would ensure their next week’s sells, never really caring for the lives of those they wrote about, never seeing the person behind the words they put on the paper. Steve hated them with his whole being. They had always felt like the embodiment of everything he despised about his career, about fame, about his life in general. The idea of not even being able to go to a park with his best friend without being photographed, scrutinized, without his every action being reported into these disgusting articles that HYDRA seemed to vomit by the thousands… sometimes it even made him doubt his vocation for acting.

And now it was there, on the frontpage of the website and everywhere in his Twitter notifications: a blurred picture of his and Bucky’s kiss, or excuse for a kiss, really. How someone could have noticed and taken a picture of the moment that quickly, Steve didn’t know and honestly, didn’t want to know. Still standing in the living room, he read the first few lines of the article, some nasty commentary about a hidden gay life that he was reportedly keeping from his fans, ashamed of his sexuality. The rest of the article was the same homophobic bullshit that should have been expected by the title, claiming how Steve shouldn’t be allowed to play Captain America for the upcoming movies of the series, apparently bringing shame to the “masculine, patriotic icon” that was supposed to be the superhero.

Suddenly feeling dizzy, Steve decided to sit down. Bucky still hadn’t said a word since Steve saw the article. Maybe he was angry, angry at the paparazzi, angry at Steve for not thinking about the potentiality that they’d be here. Maybe he was just worried for Steve, for his career. He sure looked worried. Steve didn’t know how _he_ looked, but it couldn’t be great. He felt like he was about to vomit.

“Are you alright?” Bucky finally broke the silence that had settled between them. Steve nodded, unsure. Bucky frowned.

“Pal, I’m sure we can fix this. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have suggested it in the first place, I should have guessed-”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Steve answered. “If anything, it was my fault.”

Steve didn’t elaborate on that.

“I’m sure we can sue them so they remove the article. What they wrote was defamation, in addition of being a whole load of homophobic bullshit...”

“Can we talk about something else? Just for a sec?” Steve interrupted, more and more uncomfortable as he realized the implications of the article.

“Sure, pal. I’m really sorry. Want to watch a movie to distract you?”

Steve nodded, and they settled on the couch. They hadn’t talked about the kiss in itself and now they probably never would. Maybe it was for the best. They chose to watch The Lion King, because it was Steve’s favorite Disney movie, and it would keep his mind busy. But Steve couldn’t stop feeling sick. He still hadn’t checked his phone, trying to keep Peggy off his mind for a moment. She would ask for an explanation, and then he’d have to decide whether he wanted to sue HYDRA for the article, whether he’d have to release a statement… It was too heavy on him for now. He just wanted to pause everything, go back to sleep, rewind to the day before where everything still felt bright and peaceful.

At least Bucky wasn’t angry at him. Or he just hid it very well.

**

“Steven Grant Rogers, why haven’t you called me earlier?” were the first words Steve heard when he finally gathered the courage to call Peggy back. 

“I’m very sorry, Peg. I didn’t know how to react.” He answered.

“How to react to what, exactly? Getting public with your boyfriend? I didn’t know you and Bucky were a thing. I guess I should have guessed, with the way you look at him...”

Steve blushed violently, and he was grateful that neither Peggy nor Bucky were in his room at this moment. There would be no witness to his moment of embarrassment. 

“The thing is, we’re not,” he simply answered.

There was a pause.

“What do you mean you’re not? Don’t tell me it was not Bucky on the picture. I’ve seen the both of you enough, I know how to recognize him.”

“No, no, it’s him on the picture, we’re just not … together.”

“Well, whatever you’re calling it, you’re confident enough in the future of your relationship to kiss in public without even informing your agent, _and friend_ ,” she said, insisting on the end of her sentence, as if she was trying to make him feel guilty.

“There’s no relationship at all, Peggy,” Steve corrected, feeling more and more embarrassed every time he tried to explain himself. “We’re not together at all. He’s not interested in me. We...”

He expected Peggy to interrupt him, but she didn’t.

“We kissed for a Valentine offer at Coney Island. We’re really, really, not together,” Steve ended, mortified.

“Steven Grant Rogers,” Peggy only breathed. Steve could almost hear the face she would give him if they were in the same room.

“I know, I know, it was stupid, we really didn’t think!”

“But Steve, you’re rich! Why would you even need a Valentine offer?” Peggy exclaimed.

“I … Don’t know. I hate spending money. You know me.”

Peggy stayed silent.

“I’m really sorry,” Steve added.

“Steve, you need to understand that some things are different now that you’re quite famous, you know that, right?”

Steve nodded sheepishly, then remembered that Peggy couldn’t see him.

“I know, I’m really sorry, I forgot about the paparazzi, it was just… It felt like when we were young, I didn’t think, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, it’s alright,” Peggy answered. “But now we gotta do something about HYDRA. There are several possibilities right now. We could sue them for defamation. Write a statement explaining why you kissed him. We can make something up, say it was for a role or an ad or something. They’re gonna forget in a few weeks and they’ll never notice that it wasn’t released.”

Don’t underestimate the fans, Steve thought, but he didn’t say it. Instead, he stayed quiet.

“We could release a statement against the homophobia of the article,” Peggy continued, “but deny your romantic involvement with Bucky-”

“Peg, what if I wanted to come out?” Steve interrupted her.

Peggy paused for a second.

“Do you think you’re ready for it?” She asked softly. “I don’t want you to feel forced.”

“I think I’m ready. It’s not- it’s not something I’m ashamed of. And sometimes when you have this much visibility, you have to really take a stand for what you fight for, right?”

“I’m not saying that you shouldn’t come out, don’t get me wrong,” Peggy answered. “But it has to be your choice. You have to think this through. Once it’s out in the open, you can’t take it back. And staying in the closet doesn’t mean you’re ashamed. It’s not easy to come out, for anyone.”

It had not been easy for Peggy when she had come out as a lesbian, first to Steve, several months after they had ended their relationship. It hadn’t worked between them, and when Peggy had realized why, she had wanted to come clean to Steve. Steve had supported her, of course. Just like she supported him when he came out as bisexual.

“I’m ready to come out, Peg,” Steve only said.

There was a pause.

“I’ll schedule an interview, then?”

**

“So, Steve, enough about the movie,” En Dwi, the journalist, declared. “I’m going to ask the question the audience is dying to know about.”

Steve closed his eyes, knowing that was to come.

“Is Steve Rogers gay?”

He had rehearsed his answer, smiled to his mirror. He was an actor. He knew how to do it. But he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking. He could be jeopardizing his whole career, but it was something he had to do. Before he answered, he thought one last time about the children, the teens watching him. He thought about a gay youth starving for representation, for a role model, for someone that could smile at them and say: it’s okay, it’s going to be okay.

He smiled, though it did not quite reach his eyes.

“No, he’s bisexual.”

There was a collective gasp in the audience, and Steve had to clench his fists under the table to control the movement of his hands.

“Bisexual, uh? So you like men and women?”

“That’s it, exactly. And, uh, I don’t think I should hide it anymore. Because that’s not something I’m ashamed of.”

It was more or less the same speech he had given Peggy when he had decided to come out. It had been ingrained in his brain for a whole week, the way he’d say it, but he still felt at loss for words.

“So tell me more about your boyfriend, the guy in the picture?” En Dwi continued.

Steve sputtered for a second. He couldn’t believe that, with all the time he had spent reviewing what he’d say for the interview, they hadn’t even thought about finding a proper explanation for their kiss. They had been so focused on the way he’d come out, on the way it’d be received by the audience, on the consequences of his coming out on his career and personal life, that he’d totally forgotten that the reason he had to do it in the first place was related to a kiss he had shared with Bucky, of all people, Bucky with whom he had been in love for years.

“It’s not, it’s not like that between us,” Steve answered. _Smooth, Rogers_ , he thought. That didn’t mean anything. It could be interpreted however they wanted.

The interviewer ignored his answer completely.

“So who is he? How did you meet him?” He asked instead. _That_ was a question Steve could answer.

“We were best friends when we were young. We never left each other’s side.”

“Is he an actor too?”

“No, no, he works in Brooklyn. Bucky and I, we’re just,” he hesitated. “We’ve been friends for a long time.” It was not an answer, there hadn’t even been a question, but for some reason it felt right when he said it. Maybe it was the true core of his relationship with Bucky: they had been together for so long that they couldn’t even imagine a possibility where they weren’t in each other’s life.

**

“Congrats, Steve, now they believe we’re dating for real,” Bucky deadpanned. 

Of course nobody had understood what Steve meant when he had said _it’s not like that between us_. Because he’d _had_ to add something sappy and romantic like “we’ve been friends for a very long time.” Because he hadn’t been able to explain that they were actually not in love, just best friends who kissed for a stupid reason for a stupid second and a stupid paparazzi had written a stupid article about it, confusing everything in their relationship. He wouldn’t even have been convincing, because it was not true, not on his side. He was in love with Bucky - and maybe for a second, when he had found himself in front of the cameras, he had wished that it was real - their kiss, their relationship, their love – so much that he had forgotten that it was not.

“Pal, I’m so sorry, I really did not think they’d see it like that, I thought I had made it clear, he didn’t talk about it afterwards so I thought they were not interested anymore-”

“Man,” Bucky answered, “You really don’t have to apologize to me, it’s not a problem, but I think your fans will be disappointed when you tell them the truth.”

“What do you mean?” Steve asked.

“Have you checked your social media?”

Steve shook his head.

“Let’s say lots of them are… Enthusiastic about you having a boyfriend.”

“Enthusiastic?”

Bucky didn’t answer. Peggy was already writing the first draft of a statement to clear the situation. Steve didn’t know what to think – he didn't know how to think anymore. He just wished he had refused Bucky’s suggestion in the first place – but he couldn’t even blame Bucky, because it would have been settled easily if he hadn’t let his feelings speak for him on the interview. If he had just made it clear – I and Bucky are not together, I love men and women but our relationship is strictly friendship – everything would have been easier.

But he couldn’t have lied. He had come to this interview with the idea that he’d finally be honest about who he was. He had been stupid. He had been so stupid.

“Pal, look at those tweets, your fans really are the softest, aren’t they?” Bucky interrupted his train of thought.

The tweet he showed him read: “I can’t believe Steve Rogers came out today. It feels like everything becomes possible for me.”

Steve smiled, suddenly overwhelmed by emotion. That was the exact reason he had chosen to come out in the first place.

“superheroes can be queer. get over it.” Said the next tweet. And then:

“if steve rogers can be bi and be so happy with his boyfriend then i can be happy one day too – fuck what my parents say”

Steve’s smile faltered. He had lied to them. It was not only an embarrassing mistake, it was a full on lie to people who looked up to him.

“Fuck, they really believe it, don’t they?” Steve asked, not expecting an answer.

Of course, he had received insults, more or like similar to HYDRA’s article. As a superhero, he should represent all of America, its patriotic values and masculine strength, as well as a lot of slurs that didn’t even try to be “rationally” explained – but that he had expected. What was important to him was the way it had been seen by the LGBT community, especially LGBT kids. He was very glad that his message, about hope and expectations had been received. But now there was a new kind of guilt clawing at his chest.

“Do you think I should tell them myself? Instead of through a statement? It’d feel less impersonal,” Steve suggested, trying to find a solution.

“Through Twitter you mean?” Bucky asked.

“Not possible,” Peggy answered, not looking up from her phone. “If you weren’t able to make the situation clear in an interview, tweets will only make it more confused. You’ll never be able to explain what happened this way.”

“I just- I don’t want to disappoint them.”

Bucky’s expression softened.

“I know, buddy, but I don’t know what to tell you to make you feel better. They’ll be disappointed anyway, when you tell them the truth, but they’ll get over it. It’s not like you can make them believe that we really are together.”

A moment passed. Bucky and Steve looked at each other.

Peggy lift up her head.

“No,” she said.

They didn’t answer.

“Don’t even think about it.”

Peggy looked at both of them in the eyes successively, her brows furrowing.

“Listen guys, I know you’re not the smartest people I know and you have literally no impulse control but that, that, is just not happening. It’s not happening. I won’t let you do it. We’ll find another solution, Steve, alright? We’ll not disappoint your fans. And the fact that you don’t have a boyfriend does not invalidate your coming out! You’re still bi, and you can still be an inspiration for queer kids that love Captain America. You know that? It doesn’t change anything.”

Steve looked down, uncomfortable. He had put himself in this situation, it was his fault. And Peggy was right. That didn’t change who he was – being or not being in a relationship didn’t cancel anyone’s coming out. Maybe she was right. He should simply issue a statement, something clear that would not leave place to misunderstandings this time. He’d tell them that he was not in a relationship with a man – not in a relationship with anyone – at the moment but that he was still bisexual. That was the truth. That was what his fans deserved.

A tweet appeared in his notifications.

“i can’t believe @sgrogers is living his best bi life with his boyfriend in coney island. they are everything i ever dream to have.”

He just couldn’t do this.

He left the room.

**

“It’ll be alright. They’ll be alright,” Bucky declares when he joins him in the bathroom. Steve hadn’t locked the door when he had found shelter in the cold, white room. He knew that Bucky would find him, and though he felt like he wanted to be alone, he was clever enough to know he shouldn’t be, not at this moment. Bucky had always been able to provide him with the comfort he needed.

“I don’t know. I feel like I’ve let them down,” he answered. “I just-” he stops, losing his words. “I wanted to make something right. I wanted to be there for them. I didn’t mean- I didn’t mean to make it worse.” A pause. “And I’ve brought you in this drama too. I’m so sorry.”

“Pal, you haven’t let anyone down. Peggy’s right, you know? Your coming out still stands – you haven’t lied to them about who you are. You haven’t lied to them at all, people just made wrong assumptions. But what people really care about is the fact that you found in yourself the strength to tell the world that you’re not ashamed of who you are, not ashamed of being a queer actor. Not having a boyfriend won’t change anything about that. And you don’t have to apologize to me. If anything, I’m the one who suggested to take the Valentine offer on Saturday. It was my mistake.”

“You didn’t know it would take such proportions.”

“Neither did you.”

Steve didn’t answer.

“Listen, I’m willing to find another solution if you have any idea. But you know just like me that we can lie to them again. You’ll feel worse if you let them believe something that’s not true.”

Steve knew Bucky was right – he knew it too well. But he also just wished that they didn’t have to choose between lying and explaining that he was not Bucky’s boyfriend. Because he just wanted to be Bucky’s boyfriend.

“Unless you want to wait. Wait until they calm down, when your coming out’s effect is faded. You can tell them the truth at this moment,” Bucky suggested, and Steve looked up to him, taken off guard. Was he saying what Steve thought he was saying?

“What do you mean?”

“You can- you can pretend, and wait until they don’t care anymore to tell them that, you know, you don’t really have a boyfriend. You can just- just let them believe for a while, since it makes them so happy. You don’t even have to lie.”

“It wouldn’t work- it wouldn’t work, you know how the journalists are, they’ll find out if anything’s sketchy,” Steve answered hesitantly. 

“Then we could pretend for real. Make them believe we’re together, for a month or two. Then we tell them it’s over. Couples break up all the time. And I know- don’t tell me you don’t know- actors do it all the time. Fake relationships. I know it’s not your style, but if it’s the solution you have not to upset your fans-” Bucky paused for a second. “I’m not trying to pressure you into doing it if you’re not sure. It’s just- it was stupid, really. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, it’s not… It’s not stupid.” Steve answered.

It was. It was probably the most stupid idea they had ever had in their entire life. But for some reason, Steve couldn’t stop thinking about it.

“Would you-” Steve began, then stopped. He didn’t know how to word his thoughts. Everything was confused, everything was confusing. “Do you think it’s something we could do?”

Bucky shrugged, but his face showed more uncertainty than he wished. Steve had always been able to read Bucky better than the others. 

“It’s not like anyone can stop us, right?”

“Peggy,” Steve answered.

“Yeah, but she won’t. She knows you’re old enough to make your own choices, right? She trusts you.”

“She shouldn’t.”

Bucky smiled. “Right.”

“Are we doing this? Are we- Are we pretending to be together? For a while, until they don’t care?”

Bucky smiled again, though it did not quite reach his eyes.

“If you’re in, I’m in,” he declared. 

For a last second, Steve hesitated. But he thought about his fans. He thought about all the twitter users who were so happy to see him with Bucky, who were so happy to be able to relate to him, to say: if Steve Rogers can have a boyfriend, so can I. If Steve Rogers can be happy and in love, so can I. He thought about releasing a statement, explaining how he had lied about his relationship. He thought about what people would say about him – how they would invalidate everything he had said on the subject, how they’d claim that his coming out was only made to increase his popularity, how they’d say bisexuality was a trend… He had to do it. Even though it broke him to pretend to date someone he had been desperately in love with for as long as he remembered.

“How hard can it be, anyway?” He said.


	3. Chapter 3

The truth was- it could be very hard. It was an easy decision to make, for both of them, because they were both the same amount of reckless and stupid, and neither of them knew how to think before they acted. But the first thing they’d had to do was tell Peggy about their plan and why Steve would not release a statement. When they told her, she didn’t answer, and that was probably worse than if she had screamed at them. She just looked at Steve – dead in the eye. When she realized, somehow, by the way he looked back at her, that he would not change his mind, her expression morphed into one of disappointment, and Steve felt as though he had been slapped. Peggy knew how to make her feelings very, very clear. Then she just threw her hands in the sky and left the room, and the only word they could hear was a softly, but somehow angrily whispered “boys”.

Then they’d had to work out the rules of their arrangement, and that’s where the first problem had arose. Steve thought that the fans were to be kept in the dark, and that was it. Their friends could know. How ridiculous would it be to lie to them? It was not like _they_ didn’t know that Steve and Bucky were just very close friends. But Bucky was categorical about it. If they were to lie to people, they couldn’t give half-truths to some of them, otherwise the boundary between those who could know and those who couldn’t would end up blurred and their lie would fall apart.

“But then it means we’ll have to pretend with everyone!” Steve protested.

He was not sure he’d be able to survive several months of fake-dating with Bucky without anyone to rant to about his unrequited feelings.

“Not Peggy,” Bucky answered, as if it changed anything.

“Will you be able to keep the lie with someone like Sam?” Steve asked, accusatory.

Bucky started fidgeting with his sleeve, hesitating.

“I’ll have to. You’ll have to lie to your fans too and it won’t be easy, but that doesn’t mean you won’t do it,” Bucky answered.

Steve rolled his eyes.

“And what will you tell him? That you suddenly fell in love with your dumbass best friend?”

Bucky punched Steve in the shoulder. 

“Hey, don’t say you’re a dumbass. You are, but I’m the only one who’s allowed to say it.”

He very carefully avoided to answer Steve’s question. How would he tell Sam? Well, that was easy, since Sam knew how much Bucky was in love with Steve. It would be harder to make him believe that someone like Steve would fall in love with someone like Bucky, though. 

“Only a dumbass would agree to that kind of plan,” Steve said, and Bucky smiled.

He was right. He was so right, and they were so screwed.

**

The plan was not to tell anyone. Bucky had been the one to insist on it until Steve surrendered, and yet he failed in the two hours that followed their discussion.

“Are you dating Steve?” Sam had asked the second Bucky entered the workshop. Bucky blushed instantly.

“Well,” he started. He didn’t know what to say. “Well, yeah,” he said. Smooth.

“You’re not,” Sam answered, and it was not a question.

“What do you mean?” Bucky asked. He didn’t even deny it. It was useless, though. If Sam was suspicious, then he wouldn’t settle until he had found out the truth. And he was a very good detective.

“I’m starting to know you well, Barnes,” Sam answered as if they had met a few months ago and not worked together for four years. “And I know you wouldn’t have made a move just like that – not without freaking out on the groupchat for entire days. And Steve- if he had been the one to do it, then you would still have freaked out for days before you accepted that he didn’t mean it platonically. He could kiss you in front of an audience and you’d still think he just wants to be friends.”

He technically kissed me in front of an audience as friends, Bucky didn’t say. Instead, he shrugged, embarrassed.

“Maybe I’ve changed.”

Sam laughed loudly. “Nah. Now spill the truth.”

“There’s no truth to spill. Steve kissed me-” they had made up a story but it still didn’t feel natural to Bucky. “Steve kissed me when he was drunk, and then we talked about it the next morning and decided to start dating. We got a little too enthusiastic and got caught by paparazzi. Steve decided that he didn’t want to hide, and he came out. That’s all there is.”

Sam shook his head.

“You’ve never been able to lie,” he said.

“I’m not lying!” Bucky exclaimed. “I wouldn’t be lying about something so serious.”

“You are though.”

Bucky forced himself to look hurt, even though he was more embarrassed than anything. “You say that because you think he’s better than me, right? You think he wouldn’t date me?” 

The truth of it hurt, but Bucky didn’t say it. As he thought, Sam did not believe that Steve would ever return his feelings, and he was right. Sam’s expression softened.

“Don’t say that. I’m just saying that I know you, and you wouldn’t have waited for entire days before telling us. You don’t look comfortable, and I’ve heard Steve’s interview, he said you were not dating. Too bad the fans didn’t seem to hear it.”

Bucky deflated. Sam knew the truth, and the public was going to find out too soon enough. Their lie could never stand and everyone was going to be disappointed in Steve, and it was Bucky’s fault. And he had just lied to one of his best friends.

“I’m sorry,” he just said, and Sam patted his shoulder.

“Man, why’d you lie to me?” Sam said without any resent in his voice.

“We just- we thought it’d be easier not to tell anyone than to pick who was trustworthy and who was not. We’re just- we’re not planning to carry this thing on forever, you know? Just until the fans find another icon or something, and forget about Steve’s relationships.”

“You’re gonna hurt yourself,” Sam answered.

Bucky looked down, because he knew Sam was right, but he didn’t want to admit it. Of course it would hurt. He would be pretending to have feelings for Steve, when he didn’t really have to pretend, but still pretending not to have feelings for him. And if Steve realized that Bucky was not lying all along, then their friendship would be over for good. Maybe Steve would think that Bucky was taking advantage of him. By pretending to be Steve’s boyfriend, he’d have a taste of something he could never get for real, and Steve didn’t even know. Was it not a kind of abuse? Was it a consensual plan if it was real for someone and not real for the other?

“I’ve made a mistake, haven’t I?” Bucky asked.

Sam didn’t answer.

“I just- he was so afraid, alright? He didn’t want to disappoint anyone, he didn’t want to betray anyone, he just wanted his fans to have someone to look up to, you know how he is.”

“I’m not sure pretending to have a boyfriend is a good way to be a role model to young fans,” Sam just said.

Bucky stopped trying to defend himself. He hated showing his vulnerability, but he trusted Sam not to judge him too much. After all, he’d been there for him for years now. He’d been the first he had trusted with his secret love for Steve – and then Wanda had found out, of course, because it was Wanda. He knew Sam would not make fun of him but he still felt bad. He felt like he had dug his own grave and he was now pleading for Sam to get him out of it.

“I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell him I changed my mind, right?”

“I think you should do just that, actually,” Sam answered. “You’re both making a mistake, but you’re the one who came to his senses first. You’d be saving both your asses by calling off the lie right now.”

“He’ll hate me.”

“No he won’t. He’ll understand and realize his mistake. It’s not too late to do the right thing.”

The thing was, Bucky knew that he’d never be able to change his mind now. It was too late for him. Sam was right – he should put a stop to it right now, while they still could, while they hadn’t told the reporters yet. But he couldn’t. It was not his decision to make now.

**

“Steven Grant Rogers,” Natasha said on the phone as soon as Steve called her. “What have you done.”

She was not asking a question, not really, she was lamenting, like a tired mother would. Steve opened his mouth, thought of an answer that would make Bucky proud, then promptly changed his mind. He couldn’t lie to Natasha. That was just not something he did.

“I’m pretending to date Bucky so my fans have a healthy queer relationship to look up to.”

Steve could almost hear her rolling her eyes.

“I can’t believe you.”

“I can’t believe myself either, Nat, but here I am.”

**

“So I told Nat,” Steve admitted to Bucky when he came back from work. “I’m really not got at lying to her.”

“And Sam found out, so I can’t blame you,” he answered. Steve didn’t look at him in the eyes.

“Wanda’s gonna find out too soon. You know how she is,” Bucky continued. Steve nodded.

“We’re really bad at keeping secrets,” Steve said softly.

Bucky smiled but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he came to sit next to Steve in the couch, putting his feet on the table in front of them. Steve swatted him in the legs. Bucky didn’t remove his feet, and he reached for the remote to turn on the TV.

“So, how was work today?” Steve changed the subject. Bucky grinned and started telling him about the weird customer whose car smelled like literal horseshit. They fell back into a comfortable conversation, as though nothing had changed between them. In a way, maybe nothing had changed. Sure, they’d have to pretend to be dating when Steve attended public events. But in their personal life, things should remain as they had always been. They had been best friends for so long, they really hoped nothing could ever damage their friendship. And if friendship was the best they could expect from the other, then they didn’t plan on ruining it. 

**

The first few days were uneventful. No hordes of paparazzi waiting for them outside their building, no producer calling to cancel Steve’s contract- of course, Peggy was dealing with all the professional side of the situation, and she had taken care to do background checks on every filmmaker Steve worked with before she started even negotiating a contract with them. When Steve came back on set, Tony, his co-star, cheered him for “finally getting that Bucky-boy to settle down with him”, which made Steve blush and shy away from the questions. Since Steve had always been private about his personal life, no one had been surprised, and the subject had been dropped. At the garage, no one had recognized Bucky, no one screamed at him, he spent his week fixing cars as he always did, albeit one or two comments from Sam, who wanted to tease Bucky but not upset him. When they came back to the apartment, they still acted as the best friends they always had been, almost forgetting that to the eyes of Steve’s fans, they were in a loving, romantic relationship.

That was, until Bucky’s sister called him.

Becca was three years younger than Bucky, but she still lived with their parents in Brooklyn, not too far away from Steve and Bucky’s building. She was still a student, an English literature major who dreamed of writing books in a train while looking at the sunset, and instead wrote essays in her bedroom while looking at her too-bright computer screen. She was smart and loved her brother very much; but she showed it by being the biggest pain in the ass that he had ever met in his life. When she called Bucky, just a week after the HYDRA article, he rolled his eyes so hard it almost gave him a heartache.

“Steve, Becca’s calling me, I’m going to die,” he announced out loud in the living room.

Steve laughed loudly. “No you’re not. Pick up the call or it’ll be worse when she calls again.”

Bucky complied.

“Hello Becca,” he said.

“You could sound happier to hear from your favorite sister in the whole world,” she said in lieu of a greeting, as if he had other sisters.

“Hello Becca, light of my life, that I love more than anyone, what gives me the pleasure of hearing your lovely voice on this nice evening?” He said with the less enthusiasm he could.

“That’s better,” she said anyway. “So a little bird told me something I didn’t know about my brother recently, and by a little bird I obviously mean Twitter.”

Bucky groaned.

“Why didn’t you tell me that Steve and you were dating at last?” She kind of squeaked.

“We’re- we didn’t plan on becoming public so soon. We wanted to wait before we told anyone.”

And here he was, even lying to his sister, his own flesh and blood. Shame started to creep into his chest. 

“But your own sister?” she asked, not really teasing anymore, almost as if she could read Bucky’s thoughts. His own sister? It was not some stupid lie about not doing the dishes or breaking a glass- Becca was not stupid, she had known his feelings for Steve for a long time. She’d be so happy, she’d want to know all the details, and he’d have to go further into the lie every time. Oh god, he’d have to lie to his own mother. He was starting to feel sick.

“I’m sorry,” he only answered.

“Put her on speakers!” Steve whispered, blind to his best friend’s guilt.

Bucky made a face. And risk Becca inadvertently telling Steve about Bucky’s crush, or worse, unrequited feelings? That was so not happening. He shook his head, and Steve rolled his eyes, settling back into the couch.

“Well I’m going to forgive you, because I’m an incredible sister,” Becca continued, “but I hope I’ll get to see you both very soon. I can’t wait to meet my future brother-in-law,” she said.

“Becca, you’ve already met him. And we’re not getting married.”

“Not yet!” She exclaimed. Then: “And I hope you’re going to call mom soon enough. I’d hate for her to find out through an article. You know, like I did.”

She hung up the phone. Dread settled inside Bucky’s stomach.

“I can’t lie to my mom,” he said so quietly Steve almost didn’t hear him.

Steve didn’t know what to say. Maybe it was the moment he realized how much he was asking from his friend. Bucky had nothing to earn in this plan they had come up with. Steve was saving his reputation as well as preserving his fans’ feelings. Bucky was literally going to lie to everyone he cared about only to accommodate the fact that Steve was not willing to explain himself to the press a second time.

Plus, he was forced to pretend to date Steve. What if he secretly hated it? What about when they’d decide to make public appearances, would Bucky get grossed out by the idea of holding his hand? Sure, they had fake-kissed in Coney Island already, but it had been a one time thing, and it had been over really quickly. With Steve’s current popularity and the third Captain America movie coming out soon, they’d probably have to pretend for weeks before it really died down, maybe months. What if Bucky found someone else? Would he be keen to keep on the lie with someone else in sight? Would he even be able to find anyone if the whole world knew him as Steve Rogers’ boyfriend? Was Steve ruining Bucky ability to date people?

Oh god. They really hadn’t thought that through. Steve was starting to freak out.

“You can tell her the truth if it makes you feel better,” he said instead.

Bucky looked down. “I can handle it.”

**

From the same parents, Bucky only had one sister, but the truth was his relationship with Becca was not very different from his relationship with Wanda. She was ten years younger than him, just getting out of highschool, and still lived with her family in the building across from Bucky’s family’s apartment.

Wanda was fierce and ambitious, even though life had not always been easy on her – she had lost her birth parents when she was thirteen, coming to live in Brooklyn with foster parents that would soon become her adoptive parents. That’s when she had met Bucky. She was playing in the street with her brother, her trousers ripped at the knees and brows furrowed, and he had come home from work, a twenty-three years old man with motor oil on his hands. He had given her her ball back after it had been sent through the street, then she had asked him who he was, imperious in her tone of voice, and he had laughed. In a way, they had adopted each other, and he had become the older brother the twins always dreamed of having.

Bucky knew that Wanda would never believe Bucky’s lie. First, because just like Sam, she kind of knew about Bucky’s crush on Steve, even though he had never officially told her (maybe Bucky was just not as subtle as he thought he was). Then, because Wanda just knew him. She’d look straight into his eyes and read his mind from the way his eyelids would twitch or something like that. Most of the time, he didn’t even question Wanda’s ways. But he had sworn to Steve that he’d keep the secret, so he tried. He really tried. She took one look at him, though, when he arrived at Sam’s apartment where Wanda seemed to randomly spawn from time to time, sighed, settled her cup of tea precariously on the pillow, somehow managing not to make it fall, and stood up to pat Bucky on the shoulder.

“Tell me everything about this weird situation of yours,” she said. He lowered his eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he lied.

“I’m talking about why you’re letting Steve tell the world that he’s in love with you when in fact you’re the one who’s been pining over him for years,” she answered, pointing at Bucky’s chest.

He shrugged. It was pointless to deny the truth, wasn’t it?

“He needs help. I can help.”

“The only one who needs help there is you, you need someone to look after your heart, otherwise you’ll get it broken in no time,” she said softly but somehow still firmly.

He nodded. He knew she was right, of course he did.

“Bucky,” she said. “I’m not here to blame you for anything. I just think Steve is old enough to handle this kind of things on his own. You need to help him as friend, by supporting him in this complicated time of his career. But it doesn’t mean you have to give yourself whole to him like that. It doesn’t mean you have to forget about your own well-being in the process. You know that?”

How come she was so wise yet so young? He shrugged again, not wanting to admit it just yet  
.  
“I care about Steve too. But you are adults. Come on, I’m supposed to be the child here!”

“You’re eighteen, you’re not a child anymore,” Sam appeared out of nowhere. Bucky didn’t jump. He was used to it. He grinned instead.

“Of course she’s a child,” he declared, poking her in the cheek. “Look at her!” He ruffled her hair and she made a disgusted face, trying to get away from him. “She’s”, he poked again, “a tiny, tiny, baby!”

Wanda ran to the couch, and just like that, the topic was forgotten.

**

When Bucky left to work the day after, Steve settled in the couch with a hot cup of tea, a blanket and his computer. He felt sick, and he was grateful that he didn’t have to work that day. The filming of the third Captain America had been over for a while now, the movie coming out in just a few weeks, but there had been the press tour, then a few photoshoots, and Peggy had insisted he auditioned for a role she felt very strongly about, even though his role as a superhero was far from over. Peggy always wanted him to get out of his comfort zone when he looked for new roles, and he was grateful for that. If it weren’t for her, he’d probably settle for his current movies, because it was easy and granted and the people loved it.

Still, it was always nice to have a day off, even though Bucky was working so he was alone in their apartment. Things were not uncomfortable between them, but sometimes their interactions seemed strained, especially after yesterday’s phone call with his sister. Maybe at this moment they had both realized the immediate implications of their lie. It was not only lying in a few interviews, maybe on social media; it was lying to the whole world about who they were.

When he turned his computer on, the first thing Steve decided to do was check Twitter. He had avoided it since Bucky and him had come up with their fake-dating plan, but since he was doing this for his fans, he might as well try to find out if it was worth it- if it still made them happy.

He had lots of notifications, as always. Twitter users never seemed to stop tweeting. Some reacted to his old tweets, but, yeah, most of it was about his coming out. Some insults, of course. He had expected them. Some people still tried to argue that Steve should resign, give the Captain America role to someone else, someone who could “live up to the superhero’s values”, as they said. But there were also lot of fan tweets that thanked him for finding the strength to come out; to speak about what he felt was right. It warmed his heart.

Some tweets caught his attention more than the others. It was those that were about his relationship with Bucky, specifically. Steve didn’t even remember saying Bucky’s name in the interview, but here it was: Stucky, the contraction of their names that the fans had decided they’d use to call them now. It did all kinds of things to Steve’s chest.

He saw the same kinds of tweets as when he just came out – about how inspirational they were for young fans, about how they brought them hope. The picture that had been taken of their kiss had even become some fans’ header. When Steve looked at it again, he couldn’t stop himself from blushing. It had been so quick, he still didn’t know how anyone could have taken it – but it had happened. And now his first – and only – kiss with Bucky, something he had dreamed for so long, was plastered everywhere on the internet, and Steve didn’t know whether he felt angry, embarrassed, or strangely proud. It had not been a real kiss, but it was still Bucky, his Bucky, his best friend. Though his face was not clear on the picture, some fans were already swooning about him, calling him _dark_ and _mysterious_ and all kinds of weird adjectives that might just be compliments.

“Steve Rogers has really good taste in men, if I had been friends with a guy like that Bucky god knows I’d had tried something too,” had tweeted @c_ptainamerica

“They’re childhood sweethearts!!!! I can’t believe,” said another tweet, with pictures of Steve’s interview attached. 

“We’ve been friends for so long,” Steve had said, and now there were theories about how long they had really been together without going public.

“They must have been together for a really long time, since Steve doesn’t seem like the kind of guys to talk about casual boyfriends or flings with the press”, a tweet said.

“Maybe he’s the reason Steve really broke up with Peggy???” someone had written.

“best friends since childhood… that’s gay” another tweet said.

Steve started growing embarrassed. Everyone seemed so convinced that they were in love, it just reminded him that they weren’t – or at least, that Bucky wasn’t.

But then there were the hardcore fans. Those who wanted to find things – and knew where to look. Steve had always known they existed. They were the kind of fans who came to conventions to talk to him about a specific word he said in a specific interview three years ago and “does it mean that Cap has alien blood?” (Steve had fought really hard not to roll his eyes at that. He loved his fans very much, but sometimes, they really tried to much. No, it didn’t mean that Cap had alien blood. It had been an innocent _pun_. He hadn’t even thought about it.)

And the hardcore “stucky” fans, well, they also tried to find things that weren’t there, but now it involved their relationship. They went through every time Steve had said the word “friends” during an interview, trying to see if it could mean Bucky – and the truth was, most of the time, it did, because Bucky had been his best friend forever and most of Steve’s personal stories involved him in a way or another.

They went through Steve’s Instagram and circled a shadow behind Steve who could only be Bucky – and it was! It really was! But it didn’t mean that they were right about their interpretations – how they were apparently dating since highschool, dating through his entire relationship with Peggy – some even believed that Peggy had only been Steve’s beard to avoid coming out (Steve rolled his eyes at that. Did they not understand bisexuality? He had been very much in love with Peggy, but if anything, he had been HER beard).

But what embarrassed Steve the most was – how right they were sometimes. When they made “theories” about all that Bucky meant to Steve, they were coming so close to the truth that it hurt him. He didn’t know if it was because suddenly, his relationship with Bucky, their love, even platonic, that had always been theirs and only theirs, away from the press and social media and everything that made Steve’s teeth clench when he thought about it – everything they shared was suddenly shared with the world too, and Steve didn’t know if he was ready to give Bucky away, even in a small amount, to his fans.

But maybe it was because fans were reading so much into innocent words that Steve was suddenly terrified that Bucky could do the same. What if Bucky read those tweets too? What if he saw the screencaps fans had made of the interview where they said “Steve was making heart eyes every time he mentioned Bucky” and he saw it too? What if he realized Steve’s not-so-platonic feelings about him and it creeped him out? 

Steve was so close to freaking out again that he had to close twitter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I have currently a terrible headache plus I'm on very heavy painkillers so if I made any mistakes or wrote stupid things, please feel free to correct me!

Did you know? Time flies when we are busy stressing out about every detail of our behavior related to our best friend. Steve and Bucky were still trying to get used to the new dynamic of their relationship – pretending to be in love in front of their friends, pretending not to be in love in front of each other – and it was already the night of Captain America 3’s premiere in New York, which meant: Steve and Bucky’s first public date. Since they, of course, didn’t count Coney Island, because it had not been supposed to be public and it had not been a date at all.

The night of the premiere, while getting dressed, Bucky felt as though he had never been more nervous in his life. He was nervous for his friend, of course – the Captain America franchise was the current most stable thing of his career and if the movie was to flop, Steve’s roles prospects would be severely affected.

But Bucky was also- and mostly- concerned about the credibility of their act. Would Steve manage to lie to his fans and the journalists when he was standing in front of them? Would the guilt overcome his desire to satisfy his fans’ “shipping” needs? Or on the contrary, would Bucky’s act become too credible, suddenly get through Steve’s eternal obliviousness and make him realize that Bucky was actually very much in love with him for real?

“It’s the last moment to back off,” Peggy said when she arrived at Steve and Bucky’s apartment ten minutes before they had to leave. She was wearing a deep red dress and had curled her hair – she was stunning. But then again, when was Peggy Carter _not_ stunning?

“Why would we back off?” Steve said. “We’re doing this, right, Buck?”

Bucky nodded, not trusting himself with words. He avoided the topic by busying himself fixing his tie.

“I'll do it,” Steve said, watching him struggle.

Of course, Steve was way more used to formal events than Bucky. Sure, Bucky had had invites to Steve’s premieres before – he was his best friend, after all, and probably the most important person of Steve’s life since his Ma had passed. But now he was coming as Steve’s date, meaning that he’d get photographed, probably even asked questions – and it was the whole point of it, since their fake relationship was only there for the audience in the first place. It was only for Steve’s fans, Bucky had to remind himself.

When he redid Bucky’s tie, Steve searched for his eyes, and smiled at him. Bucky smiled weakly in return. Hopefully, Steve would put his lack of enthusiasm on Bucky’s nervousness about the event.

**  
As soon as they arrived at the premiere, Bucky knew he’d have to grit his teeth during the evening. Even though the security team followed them very closely due to some very harsh comments Steve had received after he came out, the reporters were on them as soon as they left the tinted-windows car they had been brought in.

Bucky was not used to the attention, but Steve was at his side, so he tried to pay no mind to the vultures circling around them. Steve had plastered on his face his “Thanks-for-coming-here-tonight” smile and was waving to the photographs even though he was pointedly ignoring their colleagues’ invasive questions about his love life.

Bucky kept his mouth shut and tried not to murder anyone. He was feeling embarrassed, scrutinized and self-conscious about every part of him. He was wearing a deep blue suit and used the pretext of early March’s cold temperatures to wear elegant leather gloves that hid his prosthetic, but for some reason he felt as though everyone could see it through the sleeve of his jacket. He kept rubbing at his elbow, and Steve saw him through the corner of his eye, so he took Bucky’s left hand in his and squeezed reassuringly. He didn’t say anything – he couldn’t, not with everyone around – but his eyes conveyed all the comfort they could, and Bucky felt himself smile slightly. Steve was here. Nothing could go wrong, since Steve was here.

Things could actually go wrong. They went wrong, in fact, not very long after the end of the screening. The movie was good. It was really good. Steve was incredible in it, portraying Captain America’s strength and loyalty as if he was born for it, and Bucky’s heart was so full of love and admiration for the man.

Steve got busy signing autographs and finally talking to reporters. At first, he kept the questions strictly about the movie. Yes, it was incredible playing with an actor as good as Tony Stark. Yes, he was excited for the continuation of Captain America’s adventures in the sequel. No, they hadn’t started filming yet, but yes, he had read the script already, and yes, it was really good. But then, the questions started to change. How did he feel after his coming out? He laughed at that – but Bucky knew him enough to notice how fake it sounded.

“I feel great!” Steve said. Bucky smiled at him, and Steve smiled back. Then Steve added: “I feel happy,” and his voice was softer. He reached for Bucky’s arm.

Bucky’s heart was maybe, just maybe, beating very loud in his chest. 

“How long have you been dating Bucky?” A woman with dark hair and very long nails asked.

“Several months now,” Steve answered, evasive as they had planned.

“Were you faking your relationship with Peggy Carter?” She asked.

Steve’s brow furrowed. “Of course not,” he answered. “Bucky and I got together a while after Peggy and I ended things.”

“Did Peggy break up with you because she found out you were bisexual?”

Bucky wanted to laugh at that. Peggy hadn’t come out publicly, because most people didn’t really care about her personal life anymore since she had broken up with Steve, but she was happily dating Angie, a friend she had met in college and reunited with after she had realized she was gay.

“No, she didn’t,” Steve sighed. “Peggy and I parted ways for private reasons but we are still good friends and we still work together.” It had been his go-to answer for everything involving Peggy since their breakup.

And then: “Who tops?” Another reporter asked.

Steve lost his smile.

“That’s not the kind of questions you should ask,” he tried to answer politely.

“Come on!” The reporter insisted. “Your audience wants to know.”

He was wearing a huge grin on his face, as if he was enjoying embarrassing Steve. That was that realization that made Bucky snap.

“Why don’t you mind your damn business?” He asked with anger barely concealed in his voice.  
The reporter’s smile didn’t falter.

“Is it complicated being Steve Rogers’ boyfriend?” Another reporter tried to ask Bucky now that he had opened his mouth.

Bucky didn’t answer. Steve barely managed to prevent himself from rolling his eyes. Instead, he squeezed Bucky’s hand. Of course it was complicated when reporters asked embarrassing questions. 

But the reporter from earlier hadn’t given up on his crude inquiry.

“Who’s the woman in the relationship?” he asked instead.

Bucky almost bared his teeth.

“There’s no woman in the relationship,” Steve said, his body suddenly tense. “That’s kinda the whole point.”

Bucky wanted to strangle the reporter for making Steve angry the night that was supposed to be the peak of his career – or at least a very good memory.

“I’m sure you can give us better answers, _Cap_ ,” the reporter insisted, using Steve’s character name, which was impolite but also very explicit about the way he saw Steve. He was not a man, a real person – he was a character, a public figure, living for the satisfaction of his audience’s fantasies. Bucky saw red.

“Maybe he doesn’t want to,” he snapped. Steve squeezed his hand again, but it didn’t work. “Maybe he wants you to leave him alone.”

“Buck,” Steve whispered. Bucky didn’t pay attention to him.

“We’re not here- our relationship isn't here for anyone’s pervy voyeurism, Steve’s not here to satisfy your fantasies and you’re going to leave him alone right now,” he growled.

“Bucky,” Steve interrupted, louder. Bucky looked at him.

Steve was upset. Bucky didn’t lower his eyes, and neither did Steve.

I can fight my own battles, Steve’s eyes said. You don’t have to, Bucky’s eyes answered.

Bucky stepped away.

**

“Is your boyfriend subject to anger fits?”

“Does Bucky has a violent temper?”

“Trouble in paradise?”

All the questions then morphed into private inquiries, the reporters trying to force Steve to admit something, anything, about their relationship. Steve was obliged to do damage control, smiling politely before excusing himself to look for Bucky. He found him following Bruce closely, the one colleague of Steve he trusted the most. Bruce smiled apologetically at him when he saw him, even though he had done literally nothing wrong.

“Hey, Buck,” Steve said, voice strained. “We’re going home, alright?”

Bucky nodded.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. Steve smiled softly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He held on Bucky’s shoulder instead while they came back to the car. Fortunately, Peggy had probably shooed the reporters away and they made their way back without being caught.

“I’m sorry, Stevie, I really am,” Bucky said again once they were in the car. Once again, Steve didn’t answer, but he pursed his lips.

The car ride seemed very long to go back to their place. In the elevator, Bucky avoided Steve’s eyes, not that Steve made a very compelling effort to seek his. 

It’s only when they got inside the apartment that they finally started a conversation.

“You can’t act like that in public, Buck. I know you don’t understand how it works, and I know you hate the reporters, so do I, but that’s not-” Steve started.

“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have,” Bucky interrupted him. “I saw the way he looked at you and I got angry but I should have kept it inside, I know, I’m really sorry.”

Steve looked down. “I can’t-”, he began. “I can’t afford getting the press angry at me. You understand that?” he said softly. There was no anger in his voice, no resentment, but he seemed disappointed and tired, which was worse. Bucky knew how had it had been for Steve recently, especially since he came out, and he didn’t want to make it worse.

“Steve, let me explain, let me apologize, please,” he whispered. Steve nodded.

“I know I shouldn’t have spoken to them like that. I was angry- that’s not an excuse, I know. I was nervous, and I saw the way you looked angry too, and I just wanted them to leave you alone, you know? I wanted them to let you enjoy your night. It was supposed to be- but I was selfish too, I’m not trying to say that it’s okay because it was about you, alright? I was scared because I’m not used to people prying into my privacy. I’m not used to it and suddenly they were trying to find out everything about me, everything about us, and I felt like my- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t say this, I feel like I’m trying to say that you should not be angry with me but you should, I made a mistake and-”

“Buck, I’m not angry with you. I’m not angry, I just-, I’m trying to understand,” Steve interrupted with a deep voice, effectively trying to calm Bucky down. Bucky took a deep breath.

“I felt like they could see everything about me,” he said with a small voice. Steve’s expression softened. “It felt like my arm was burning under my sleeve. Like they’d see right through me, right through our act, right through everything we were trying to conceal. I felt overwhelmed, and I needed them to leave us alone. But I shouldn’t have snapped. I should have controlled myself. I’m sorry, and I’d understand if you wanted to call the fake relationship off-”

“I’m not calling anything off, pal, come on,” Steve said and reached out to him. 

Steve hugged Bucky against his chest, and Bucky felt himself melt into his best friend’s arms.

“I’m sorry I didn’t think that it could make you uncomfortable,” Steve added.

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know. It’s not anyone’s fault. It’s not something we can’t fix, okay?” Steve stepped away to look into Bucky’s eyes. His tone was serious. “We’re gonna fix this, and then we’re gonna decide rules, so it doesn’t happen again. Alright?”

Bucky nodded.

“What about, something like a safeword?” Steve suggested. “When you’re uncomfortable, when you need me to get you out of something, we’re gonna establish a code, okay?”

Bucky smiled softly. In any other context, he would have made a crude joke, but he was feeling too drained at the moment and he knew Steve took this matter very seriously.

“Okay,” he answered instead.

“Wanna watch a movie?”

Bucky grinned. “We never finished the Lion King. And there’s the second one to watch.”

“I thought you hated Disney movie sequels?”

“The Lion King is an exception.”

They ended up huddled together on the couch in their PJs, singing along to the movie. In the end, without the suits and the cameras, they were just two boys all over again, two friends growing up together.

**

Peggy invited herself for coffee the next morning. Bucky didn’t want to face her, so he pretended to sleep in late. Steve, though, had to greet her and sit with her at the table.

As always, she was very straightforward.

“What happened last night cannot ever happen again,” she declared firmly. “I know that Bucky is not used to reporters, but when he agreed to this,” she took a deep breath, “stupid plan of yours, he knew that the _public_ part of a public relationship was to be expected. If we’re lucky and since I’m good at my job, the incident will soon be forgotten, but it can’t happen twice. You got me?”

Steve nodded.

“No, I need you to be very clear with me. You heard me? I won’t let your jeopardize your career and public image because of Bucky. If you want to protect him, if you feel like he’s not fit to carry this weight, it’s not his fault, it’s not yours, but you need to be honest with yourself and call off the relationship immediately. If you elect to pursue,” she had her professional tone of voice and not the friendly one, which meant Steve knew it was bad. “Then Bucky will have to behave professionally in front of the press. We can look for an instructor to train him if he wishes so, just like we did for you, but only if he deems it necessary.”

“I will talk about it with him”, Steve answered. “We’ve already decided to work on it. But we’re not gonna give up. He can do it. I know he will.”

Peggy blinked slowly. “You’re lucky I trust you, Steve.” Then she smiled and the mood changed drastically. “Now tell me about how you’re feeling.”

He made a face.

“Don’t look at me like that. You can lie to yourself but you can’t lie to me about how you feel about-” she stopped. “Hello Bucky.”

Bucky had emerged from his bedroom and waved at Steve and Peggy before he moved to make himself coffee. Steve glared at Peggy, and she hid her laughter inside her mug.


	5. Chapter 5

The days after the premiere night, Steve was so caught up with interviews and photoshoots that he almost didn’t see Bucky, but they managed to text each other a lot. Most of the time, it was Steve trying to make sure Bucky was alright. He felt guilty that it had taken the fiasco of the premiere to make him realize how uncomfortable Bucky had felt about the public part of the relationship.

Of course, it was the entire point of pretending to date, but he couldn’t help thinking that they could have taken it slower, that he should have thought about it before. Bucky might make it look like he was alright most of the time, like nothing hurt anymore, but Steve knew him better than that. 

Ever since the accident, Bucky had been less keen on social outings. At first, when he got his prosthetic, he wouldn’t get out of his apartment, convinced that everyone would look at him, point at his arm, insult him. It had happened a few times – it still happened sometimes. There were curious glances and inappropriate comments and sometimes Bucky still needed to take alone time in his bedroom after he came back from work and some prick had laughed at his metal hand in the subway, and sometimes being out in the open still felt too much, too overwhelming for him, and he needed to isolate himself.

Steve had mostly been able to read that in him, to understand when he needed a break, when he needed an out. That was why he felt even worse about what had happened. He had been so caught up in his own happiness, in his own pride, that he hadn’t seen his friend struggle.

He was determined to be a better friend for Bucky now that he knew. When the interviews that were already scheduled were over, he came to Peggy to ask her for a day off on the same day as Bucky’s. At first, she had hesitated, since he already had the whole weekend, but Bucky was working and Steve just wanted to spend time with him.

“You can schedule an interview on Saturday, I won’t mind, but I need my Wednesday off,” he had insisted. “I need to do that for Bucky.”

She had eventually accepted.

On Wednesday, Steve woke up early and went to the kitchen to prepare a picnic. He made sandwiches, packed drinks and cookies that he had bought on purpose the day before. When the sun started to shine, he went to wake Bucky up.

“Hey pal,” he said knocking on the door. Bucky groaned from inside his room. “We’re going on a walk today.”

Bucky emerged from his room a few minutes later, his hair disheveled and his eyes still heavy with sleep – but to Steve, he was as beautiful as always, and his heart soared.

“What are you planning,” Bucky asked softly when he saw the bag Steve had prepared. Steve shrugged.

“A little surprise, that’s all.”

Bucky smiled, and that was everything Steve needed.

They took the car for more than an hour without Bucky knowing where they were going. When he finally saw the trees from the window, his eyes widened.

“We’re going hiking!” he exclaimed. Steve only smiled at him from behind the wheel.

“What’s the occasion?” Bucky asked.

“I wanted to do something with you. I feel like we haven’t really done anything since Coney Island and, well, you know how it turned out.”

Bucky laughed soundly. “Are we celebrating something?”

“Maybe the fact that we’re allowed to do something on our own for once? No paparazzi. No reporters. Only trees.”

They smiled at each other. 

“Look at the road, Steve.”

They arrived at the forest. Steve left the car in the parking lot next to the edge of the forest, and they took the bags on their backs. “What did you pack in there? Is there the whole fridge inside these bags?” Bucky asked, wincing exaggeratedly. 

“Stop whining. You’ll be glad when we can eat.”

They started walking in silence along the way. The forest was silent and peaceful, except for the birds sounds above them. As New Yorkers, it was only in rare occasions that they could find pure silence. And with their chaotic lifestyles – especially Steve’s, to be honest – they were glad to find calm for once.

“Thanks for bringing me here,” Bucky said after a few minutes, bumping into Steve’s shoulder with his own.

“It’s nothing, really. I’m glad we could find time.”

“So tell me,” Bucky said. “How have you been doing recently? I feel like we haven’t really talked in a while.”

It was Steve’s feeling too, even if it hurt to admit it. In the past, they had always managed to find time for each other. It was what they did – even though their lives were drastically different now, they still were as close as in highschool, maybe more. But the past weeks had been so wild, between Captain America 3’s promotion, Steve dealing with his coming out, and the beginning of their fake relationship, that they’d had barely any time to talk. Steve almost always came home later than Bucky’s dinner, and sometimes Bucky was even already asleep. Steve was often so exhausted with his day that he woke up late in the morning, when Bucky had already left for work. With Bucky working on the weekends this month, they had very little time to hang out, and both of them had suffered from it.

“Well, you know how it is, with the movie coming out in less than a month, I have to go from interview to interview all the time. I feel like I can’t catch a breath. But I’m glad that they loved it.”

“Of course they loved it, pal. It was amazing. You were amazing in it.”

Steve almost blushed.

“Thanks. The director – he was good. Better than Cap 2’s director.”

“Yeah, I remember when you were filming. You had stars in your eyes. When are you filming the next one again?”

“We’re starting in May.”

It was weird, because it felt almost like their discussion was formal, as if distance had grown between them recently. They were giving each other updates about their lives as though they didn’t live together in the first place.

“You know, it’s weird, I felt like I’d have more backlash over the whole coming out thing,” Steve said. Bucky looked up.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Like, I know Peggy’s taking care of the most complicated part, and I’m grateful for her, and I know that some people are angry at me, I’ve lost some fans but- I’m just so relieved. Is it weird?”

“Of course not! You’re allowed to feel good about it. Coming out doesn’t have to be sad. If it’s not that hard for you, then it’s great!”

Steve smiled at his friend. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I felt like it’d be, I don’t know, an earthquake on my career, and so far, nothing, which is good but also surprising. It’s almost like, I don’t know, I’m still expecting something bad to happen, and it isn’t happening, but I can’t stop worrying about what will come.”

Bucky came closer to him and bumped into his shoulder again.

“Maybe you should try to let go. If something happens, then it will. We’ll cross this bridge when we come to it. But right now, think about something else, okay? Think about the movie. Think about the next one. Think about Cap’s destiny. Think about this forest.”

They both smiled. It was nice, to be there. It was almost like nothing had changed. They were just the both of them, and there was silence all around. It was as if Steve had never become famous, and they could just hang out together without fearing the reporters, without risking to be photographed. It gave Steve a taste of what he missed, in a way. But as long as there was Bucky, he hadn’t lost it.

**

Except for Sam, who knew about his crush on Steve, Bucky’s colleagues had been quite chill about the announcement of their relationship. They had gotten used to his friendship with the actor before, and most of them had even become friends with Steve themselves. Steve tried to go visit Bucky at work, or take him home after work as often as he could, most of the time, just like Bucky went on set when his schedule collided with Steve’s.

But that didn’t mean that they hadn’t teased Bucky. Bucky couldn’t really blame them: it was not everyday that a guy you knew from work was publicly in a relationship with one of the most famous actors of your time. He knew that he had brought it on himself when he had accepted to pretend to date Steve. And to be perfectly honest, they were fortunately keeping it on the low. They had never said anything in front of the customers, which spared him from both having to talk about Steve to potential fans and having to deal with homophobic reactions.

“I’ve heard your boyfriend’s movie’s a real kick,” Thor had said a few days after the premiere, while they were working on a car. Bucky had smiled. He didn’t need to fake being proud of Steve’s achievements.

“Yeah. He’s the best.”

“Bet you’d say that even if he made the worst movie of all times.”

“He’d be the best actor in a bad movie, that’s for sure,” Bucky had laughed, and the subject had been dropped.

Another day, it had been Clint who had brought up Steve at work. They were working at the register, after a particularly nasty customer had just left the garage, and they were filing the paperwork they needed to properly record her complaint. 

“Hey man, I was wondering something the other day,” he had said, and Bucky had nodded. “Have you had any customer giving you shit about Steve and the papers?”

Bucky had laughed. “Nah, no one recognized me. ‘Ts probably the fact that I go by James here and Steve called me Bucky in the interview. And, I don't know. People don’t look at my face while I’m working on their car, I guess, or they don’t recognize me when I have motor oil all over my face. Or maybe no one really cares about who Steve’s dating.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be sure of it,” Clint had then answered. “The other day I was at the grocery store and this woman picks up a magazine, there was Steve’s face on it again, on the frontpage, you’re not surprised, people liked Cap 3, he’s everywhere, I wasn’t surprised either, but the title, it was about you, about Steve’s boyfriend. I swear, this woman picks up the magazine and her eyes grow wide, and she just opens it to the article about Steve and you. All this time I was trying not to laugh or shout, I don’t know, I know this man! But it was weird. It must be weird for you too.”

Bucky smiled. At least their plan was working. It would have been ridiculous to get over themselves and pretend to date for no one to actually care.

“I’m used to it. I’ve been his friend for a while. I know how not to jump when I see him on billboards now.”

“Yeah, but now, they’re judging you too, aren’t they?”

Bucky shrugged. “I guess.”

He knew it, of course, and it affected more than he was willing to admit. He had not been assaulted by paparazzi just yet, not like Steve, but recently his picture had been taken by someone who was probably waiting for Steve, when he had been waiting for him at the end of a photoshoot.

Of course, it had been profitable to their public image. How romantic, Bucky waiting for his boyfriend at his workplace! But it had felt like an invasion of privacy, too, something Bucky had never really experienced first-hand before the kiss in Coney Island, even though he knew what it looked like because of Steve’s whole life.

“Well, it must still be pretty cool, having a famous boyfriend. And I’m glad you and Steve are together. You’re good for each other, everyone who knows you can see that,” Clint had said, before stepping away from the register, bumping into the shelf behind him. Half the files that were on it fell on the ground.

“Aw.”

**

Captain America 3: New War came out officially in America on a Wednesday, and then the day after Steve had to leave for a whole week of press tour in Canada. He was not that much annoyed, because press tours were funnier than random interviews – he was here to talk about a specific topic, which was the new movie, so the questions were way less personal – and invasive. Plus he got to spend quality time with his colleagues like he hadn’t had the occasion to since filming had ended.

But it meant leaving his home for two weeks, which was always sad. And leaving home also meant leaving Bucky, which should not be as hard as it was, but Steve had known for long time that when it involved Bucky, he was never acting as he should be.

He hugged Bucky tight before he left the apartment they shared, and tried to pretend it was just a very friendly hug, tried to act as if leaving didn’t tear his heart off his chest. 

Bucky smiled at him and then ruffled his hair as if he was a child. Steve smiled back.

He left.

The first days were the easiest, because he was so taken in his work that he didn’t miss Bucky as much as he could have. But the most important interviews had happened on the first week, which meant that the second was way more boring. And when Steve was bored, he had time to think about Bucky.

They called each other several times over the course of the week, and they texted through the day, but Bucky was working and Steve didn’t want to come out as needy. In the audience’s eyes, they were boyfriends, but that didn’t mean Steve was suddenly allowed to act as such in their private life, and he knew that. As a friend, he was allowed to miss Bucky, but probably not that much.

Hearing his voice on the phone made Steve’s heart jump in his chest every time, even though he had known him for his whole life, even though he had loved him forever. Everything still felt new, as though he was falling in love all over again every time he saw Bucky, and maybe he was.

Mostly, his colleagues left him alone during the press tour. Maybe it was because he was not really fun to be around when he missed Bucky, maybe it was because they were busy with their own obligations, their own lives, Steve didn’t know. No one had bothered him about his coming out - and if they had wanted to, Steve knew that the threat of Natasha getting angry would have stopped any attempt. Natasha would fight anyone that tried to hurt him or even make him uncomfortable, Steve knew that.

She was fierce and unstoppable. No one wanted to get on her bad side. The rumor was that she could even strangle men with her feet. Steve had yet to see it in real life, but knowing her, he could believe it.

Bruce was the first of his colleagues to realize that Steve was, in fact, moping. He came to him just three days before they were to come back, while they were waiting for a group interview, and sat next to him.

“Hey man,” he said. “How have you been doing?”

Steve smiled gently. “Not bad. I’m just glad I’ll be able to rest when all of that’s over. What about you?”

“Yeah, same. It’ll be nice to have time for ourselves. Hey, I know we kinda all avoided the subject, but I just wanted to congratulate you for your coming out and- I know it’s shitty to be outed like that, and it must be even worse now that you’re famous. So if you want, if you feel like you need to talk to someone about that, you know I’m here, right?”

Steve’s heart warmed. “Thank you. It means a lot. But I’m alright. I wish it had went differently, but I’m happy I came out. I felt like it was the right moment.” He paused. “And I’m happy with Bucky.”

In a way, he had felt compelled to say this – he was trying to make everyone buy their lie, after all. But the truth was, he needed it to be true. In that moment, he needed Bucky as something else than a friend, and even pretending for a while eased the constant burning in the inside of his chest. It was selfish, and it was going to hurt when it was over, but the more Steve got used to the lie, the more he wished it was true – the more he forgot that it was not.

“I’m so glad that you guys are together,” Bruce answered, blind to Steve’s internal torment. “We could see that you guys cared about each other, when he came to see you on set. I think we were all wondering when you’d become more than friends,” he laughed.

Steve laughed with him, but it didn’t feel sincere. Bruce obviously felt it.

“Hey, I’m not making fun of you, don’t worry. I’m just saying- Bucky cares about you. I can’t pretend that I know him as much as you know him, but the way he looked at you- He loves you, that’s all I have to say.”

Steve looked down. Bruce probably interpreted it as shyness, and let it go. Maybe Bruce was right. Bucky loved Steve, because Steve had always been there in his life. They were best friends, partners in crime. Bucky loved Steve as he would have loved a brother, someone he learned to protect when they were kids, someone he still felt like he needed to protect when Steve had to face the entire world through a screen. But Bucky would never love Steve the way Steve loved him.

He would never feel like his whole world revolved around Steve and Steve alone, like everything inside him felt suddenly empty when he left him. He would never feel his heart beat louder when Steve looked at him, would never shiver at the way Steve sometimes held his shoulder or his wrist to catch his attention.

He would never dream of waking up in Steve’s arms, his face pressed against Steve’s chest, Steve’s hand caressing his hair. He’d never imagine kissing him goodbye when he went to work, kissing him hello when he came back in the evening, kissing him for no reason when he just felt like it, when he felt like his heart was going to burst with all the love he felt for him. 

All those feelings were just Steve, and God he felt them. God he felt like one day he was going to blow up, fed up of keeping everything inside, because every second with Bucky was a reminder of everything he could never have, everything he desired, and yet every second without Bucky was a torture.

“I just- I don’t know,” Steve whispered. “Sometimes I feel like-” he didn’t know how to explain himself without confessing that their whole relationship was fake. “Like maybe, I love him more than he loves me. Like, I don’t deserve his love.”

Bruce’s expression softened.

“Oh no, don’t say that! I can’t tell you what’s happening in the inside of your relationship, but from an external point of view, I can tell that he looks very much in love. The way he looks at you when you’re not looking- I think it’s very telling. And remember how he was with the reporters that bothered you at the premiere?”

It didn’t mean anything, Steve wanted to say. He would have done it even for a friend. He _had_ done it for a friend. But he couldn’t tell Bruce, so he just shrugged and kept his gaze down.

“I just love him so much.”

And that was the truth. Maybe that was the whole truth, the only thing anyone needed to know, the only thing that mattered at this point. Steve loved Bucky, and Bucky didn’t love him back.


	6. Chapter 6

As time went by, Steve and Bucky started to find some habits in the way their relationship worked. Things got easier for Steve after the movie was officially released. He had to do a few interview but most of them were in New York, and he still had almost a month before the premiere in Europe. Which meant that he finally had time to spend with Bucky outside of the public appearances of their relationship. 

These public appearances became significantly more numerous in the month that followed the incident with the reporters. Steve and Bucky had managed to find some signals and rules to make these events easier for both of them. And now that Steve knew how uncomfortable Bucky sometimes felt, he took special caution to how he looked and how he felt when they were outside together.

He had noticed that Bucky was way less uncomfortable and fidgeting when Steve was by his side, and even less when Steve was touching him in a way or another. Now Steve had taken as a habit to always hold Bucky when they were together in public. He could have an arm around his shoulder or his waist, but most of the time it was just holding his hand, holding his wrist. He just wanted to be there for Bucky, show him that he was not alone, that he shouldn’t be nervous.

The fans loved it. 

Everywhere on the internet they would make edits with all the pictures where they held hands, they’d write long twitter threads on “omg how soft they were” and how “they looked so in love I cannot deal with it”. Steve couldn’t blame them – they sure played their act very well and the touching helped making it believable.

They experimented something else: they went on fake dates. Most of the time, they were just hanging out as friends as they’d have done it before, but now that everyone thought they were dating, these mundane activities would be interpreted as such. As time went on, they chose nicer and nicer places to go to, though. Steve brought Bucky to a fancy restaurant in Manhattan, and then Bucky found a drive-in cinema that played old westerns, and they watched movies together huddled in a blanket as if no one was watching them.

Of course, people were watching them. It was the whole point of their relationship, Steve had to remind himself. It was the whole point of everything they were doing. And when pictures of their dates appeared in the tabloids the day after, Steve forced himself not to be annoyed. It was the reason they were doing it. It was technically an invasion of privacy – but it was one they had tried to provoke in the first place.

It didn’t feel less wrong. It didn’t comfort him. He still felt like he was digging his own grave – pretending to have something he wouldn’t ever have for real.

And Bucky felt the same. Some nights, as if he liked hurting himself, he went to check the “Stucky” tag on Twitter. Officially, it was to stay informed on the outcome of their plan. On this matter, they had been very convincing. Steve was without question the new queer icon of Hollywood. He had received messages and messages about how his coming out inspired kids to do the same, about how he helped people tell their families, their friends, or even accept themselves. Sometimes Steve would read these stories to Bucky, almost teary. That was what he had always dreamed of doing when he started acting – having an impact on someone’s life, on someone’s history, on someone’s happiness. 

It would have been so easy for Bucky to pretend it was real. Steve was such a good actor, Bucky could almost believe him when he went on national television to talk about his love for Bucky to the entire world. He could almost believe that he touched him because he wanted to, because he needed to be close too, and not only because it would look good on paparazzi pictures. He wanted to believe that Steve had meant to bring him to that restaurant, to buy him these flowers, to kiss him on the cheek.

Because Bucky had dreamed on going on dates with Steve for as long as he knew what dates were. Because he had brought girls to see movies when he was a teen and still pretending to be straight - because he had brought boys to restaurants and museums way later, while Steve was filming movies and walking hand to hand with Peggy, the beautiful Peggy Bucky could never have compared to, but it had never felt right, it had never felt like it felt when he hung out with Steve.

And then Peggy had broken up with Steve, and Bucky had been there when Steve was trying to patch up his poor broken heart. Then Peggy came out, and Steve came out not long after, and suddenly Bucky was learning that Steve _could_ like him, but that he just didn’t.

And somehow it hurt even more. He just kept it to himself.

**

One day, as they were about to come home from a date, or a fake date, Bucky didn’t really know how to call them, they decided to walk back home instead of calling a cab as they tended to do usually. It was a beautiful day, winter was over and the weather started to get warmer. Bucky still wore his gloves, as he did most of the time went they went out. No one had found out about the prosthetic yet. They knew it’d have to be addressed at some point or the other, but now they enjoyed the peace they were given.

It was late in the afternoon, and they had gone to a museum where Steve had never been before, which was rare. They were still holding each other’s hand as they walked down the street, because people could see them, but also because they felt more comfortable this way, somehow. Bucky was fine as long as he knew Steve was there – and Steve kept reminding him in his way that he would not leave him.

It was pretty quiet, when suddenly the silence was broken by a high pitched scream coming from the sidewalk across the road. Bucky turned around and realized two girls were standing there, looking at them with eyes wide open. They seemed to be teens, maybe really young adults - they couldn’t be older than twenty, Bucky thought. Of course, they were fans. Steve had flashed his friendly Steve Rogers smile as soon as he had heard the noise. He was used to people recognizing him now.

They waited for five seconds before the girls realized it was OK for them to cross the street to talk to Steve. They almost ran to them, slowing down in the end in a vain attempt to make it look as though they were not fangirling right then. Bucky didn’t smile, but he didn’t frown either.

“Oh my god, Steve Rogers, I can’t believe you’re here,” the first girl said. She had dark hair cut short, and piercing brown eyes. “I’m a huge fan!”

Steve smiled at them. “I’m always glad to meet fans,” he said, and Bucky knew it was true. He wanted to be there for them. Maybe he’d just prefer it if they could keep their distance, or if he had some kind of on/off button he could press to decide: this moment is out of time. No fangirls, no reporters. But it didn’t exist.

The girls looked at Bucky too then and their smile didn’t falter. It was good, he thought. They were not homophobic, at least. 

“I just have- we have to thank you,” the second girl said. Her hair was longer and blonde, worn in a ponytail. She had a soft look in her eyes.

Steve raised an eyebrow. “Thank me?” He asked.

Bucky almost rolled his eyes. They were always thanking him – he was an inspiration, he was a role model, he was a great actor and changed everyone and their mother’s lives. But he still managed to be surprised every time, because it was just how great and modest he was.

“For your- for your coming out,” the girl continued. Well, that was different. Steve’s smile seemed way more sincere now.

“Anna and I,” she said, pointing to her friend, “we’ve been trying to come out to our families for a long time. We haven’t managed to do it just yet but- it helps, you know. Seeing you on the TV. Being proud. Not letting anyone tell you who you’re supposed to be.”

“You give us hope,” the black-haired girl stated. “And strength. So thank you.”

“Thank you too,” Steve said softly. “I’m just trying to help. I hope everything turns out alright for you. You deserve something great.”

The girls smiled.

**

As April came, Clint got sick, and Bucky had to replace him at work. His amount of work became significantly bigger, and he came home later and more exhausted. One night, he fell asleep on the couch while Steve and him were catching up on the latest Game of Thrones episodes together. 

He had laid his head on the pillow, opposed to Steve, and slept with his mouth half open, his right arm under his head, his prosthetic hand gently resting on his shoulder. Steve smiled softly when he realized that his friend was not watching the show anymore. He deserved the rest, he thought.

He was very cute, asleep like that, Steve couldn’t help thinking. He was cute and cozy and his feet were touching Steve’s thigh when he thought fuck it, and took his phone to take a picture. That was what friends did, right? Take pictures when the other found himself in a compromising, embarrassing position.

Only Steve was not able to find the picture embarrassing at all once it was taken. Actually, it looked almost romantic, almost staged. It looked like a picture someone could have taken of their lover, an intimate moment where Bucky let all pretenses, all masks fall on the floor.

Steve was so in love with him.

With the angle of the picture, Bucky’s prosthetic was hidden behind his head. He looked peaceful in sleep, his brow less furrowed that it tended to be during the day. His hair had fell on his face and Steve noticed that it was getting longer, maybe Bucky was experimenting a new haircut. The picture was just a little blurry, Steve not being really used to phone cameras – he’d still have a flip phone if he didn’t have to keep up with social media for work.

But the picture was lovely. It looked like a picture that someone would hang on a wall, and if Bucky had been Steve’s boyfriend for real, it would probably have been a picture he would have shared on social media. And then he thought about it again. The whole point of their idea was to have the _appearance_ of a real relationship, right?

It meant that if a boyfriend would have posted the picture on Instagram, maybe Steve could do the same – maybe he should actually do the same. Fans already knew that they lived together, so it meant they lived their lives around each other. These kinds of casual moments were those lovers shared on social media.

So he did just that. He uploaded the picture on Instagram, and when he had to think about the caption, he felt like he was on the verge of writing something too sappy, too obvious that even Bucky would understand, so he only typed out a heart emoji, checked one last time that Bucky’s prosthetic wasn’t visible and shared the picture.

It got a thousand likes between the moment he posted it and the moment Bucky woke up, half an hour later. When Steve showed him the picture, Bucky only smiled softly and nudged his shoulder, so Steve figured it was alright.

It became a habit after that, taking pictures of their everyday life, casual things, Bucky washing dishes, Bucky eating pizza, Bucky’s hands covered in motor oil when he came back from work. Fans loved it, the PR team loved it. It made Steve look closer to his fans, introducing them to his daily routine. He was more intimate with them. Sometimes it embarrassed him – he felt like the line between his personal life and his work was getting too blurry for him. But it was something he had chosen to do.

Eventually, Bucky decided that he didn’t want to hide his prosthetic any longer, so Steve took a picture of him in front of the window one day, at sunrise, with his metal arm in full view, and posted it. In the caption, he wrote a short explanation of Bucky’s disability, the loss of his arm in a car accident when he was nineteen, how he hadn’t felt comfortable enough to share it before. Steve wrote about how strong Bucky was and how much he loved him, and it was true.

The picture was so beautiful that Steve decided to get it printed. He hung it on the wall next to the pictures of their respective families, and when Bucky noticed it, he just laughed but didn’t say anything. 

The problem with the pictures, though, was that now that Steve was sharing their personal lives with the fans, what was once a platonic everyday life of two best friends that just happened to also be roommates was now interpreted by the whole world as romantic behavior. Which meant that every time Steve would post a picture about a common, mundane thing Steve and Bucky did, _as friends_ , he was forced to think about how it felt to do it _as lovers._

As it went on, he found himself looking for romantic interpretations in everything they did together. Their social outings had already been rebranded as _dates_ , and now even when they were just chilling at home, watching TV, reading books, teasing each other, even when they were doing laundry or cooking, Steve thought -  we would do it just the same if we were real boyfriends. 

He didn’t know if it was a positive thing or not.

**

More than two months after his coming out, Steve found himself in front of the cameras of En Dwi Ghast once again. This time, he was there to discuss Captain America 3, not talk about his personal life – but he knew En Dwi and he knew how their jobs worked, so he still expected a lot of questions about Bucky. After all, it had been the show where he had come out, they would probably expect some updates, some new scoops to keep their first place for Steve Rogers gossips.

Steve really hated this part of the job, but he was starting to get used to it. He felt like since the filming had been finished, he was more of a dancing monkey than a real actor.

He also knew that it was due to the fact that Peggy thought was he was overworking, so she had chosen not to give him any auditions or new projects in the gap between the two movies.

“Steve Rogers, my old friend!” En Dwi said when Steve sat down, grinning to the audience. Of course, En Dwi was not Steve’s old friend – he was not his friend at all. But Steve played along and accepted the interviewer’s embrace.

“How have you been doing since last time we saw you?” En Dwi continued.

Steve forced another smile on his face, and tried to make it look as genuine as possible. He was an actor, after all. He knew how to pretend.

“I’m great, thank you!”

“So I’ve heard your new movie came out a few weeks ago? Ha! You came out before it.” 

Steve fought the urge to roll his eyes with violence, and instead laughed soundly.

“I sure did,” he answered.

“So tell me, what did you expect from the critics? Did you get the good reviews you needed?”

“The reviews were pretty good indeed!” Steve answered. “I think what they liked was the new development of Cap’s personality.”

And then he went on, and went on, and went on. He liked talking about his character, he really liked it. He had grown really attached to Captain America’s personality, his fight for justice even in times when it was something that was very hard to find, the way he stayed attached to his principles even when it was not easy, even when everything told him to let go. It was a part of the character he loved to play, because it was what he aspired to be. Always better, even if it meant sacrificing a piece of his comfort.

But sometimes sacrificing his comfort meant sitting in that big, red couch while En Dwi was starting to ask personal questions about his relationship with Bucky.

“Is everything good between you two?” “Everything’s great, actually!”

“Does it feel good not to hide anymore?” “It feels great to be able to hold is hand in public. I’m proud of him, I’m proud of our relationship. But not coming out doesn’t mean hiding. Sometimes it’s necessary. You shouldn’t put your safety in danger if you don’t feel like you can.”

He was growing more comfortable with the questions, being used to hearing them now. At first he had been nervous, feeling like his lie was going to be obvious in everything he said – but now it seemed like people were really buying it, though they weren’t getting tired of it.

“So tell me, Steve. When did you and your boyfriend get together?” En Dwi asked as though Steve had not been asked the same question a thousand times. It always seemed to make the audience swoon, though, so he understood why the interviewers persisted with it.

“In November, actually. We’ve been friends for a long time but we took more time to realize it was more than that.”

He flashed a smile and En Dwi faked a laugh. It was pathetic and the audience was ecstatic. 

“So tell me more about how you met. When did you see each other for the very first time?”

“When we were children. I was tiny and sick, and Bucky helped me when another kid tried to steal my lunch. We’ve been best friends since then.”

At least _that_ was true, Steve comforted himself. 

“Aw, Bucky, protector of tiny Steve! Isn’t that cute?” he asked the audience, and they shouted their approval. Steve smiled at them once again.

“Is he proud of your new movie?” En Dwi continued.

“I think he is. I think he told me he had liked it pretty much. He’s seen Captain America grow with me these past years, he’s always been a part of my career too.” He paused then. “I couldn’t have done it without him”.

Of course, it was true. But it was part of an act too. He knew now what to say to make the audience go “aw”, to trend on Twitter when he got home. Just throw a little bit of domesticity, a hint of gratuitous sappiness, and everyone lost their mind. 

It was hard to believe that less than two months before, he had been on the same stage, spluttering the stupid half-explanation that got them to this situation. He would have thought the hype around their relationship would have died down by now – but it seemed that they were still one of the hottest topics for many gossip-lovers.


	7. Chapter 7

A few days after the interview with En Dwi, Steve found himself taking a walk with Natasha after a meeting with the director of Captain America 4. Filming wouldn’t start before a month and a half, but they had still wanted to review some details so the actors could start to get back into character. Both Captain America and Black Widow, his colleague in the movie, had had very important character arcs in the last movie, which meant that they had to relearn how to play them. Way more than interviews or press tours, Steve loved acting and finding new ways to convey the character’s motivation in the way he spoke and acted.

“So, tell me, how is it going between you and Bucky?” Natasha asked as they walked.

“Well, I don’t know what you expect. It’s going well, it’s not like anything had changed.”

Natasha raised an eyebrow. “Oh yes? Well those pictures on your Instagram sure don’t look like something you used to do.”

Steve tried to fight the blush that was undoubtedly appearing on his cheeks.

“Yeah, well, he’s still my friend and my roommate, and the fans, they love it, so-”

“Everything you and Bucky do could be interpreted as romantic if any of you got his head off his ass, you know that.” She interrupted.

Steve shook his head. “You know it’s not like that. Bucky doesn’t like me like that, and I’m okay with what I can get.”

“You keep saying that, but you've never done anything to make sure. Maybe he's just as much a mess as you are, you know.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Yeah, he's probably head over heels for me, right? Maybe I should just propose right now. What about tonight? I don't even need to plan anything fancy since he's so much in love with me already.”

“Don't be stupid,” Natasha said, bumping into his shoulder with hers as they kept walking down the street. “But think about what I said. You've never told him you liked him, so he has no way to know you do, right? Maybe it's the same the other way around. You've been living together since you were nineteen. He hasn't dated anyone in years now.”

Steve didn't answer. Instead he avoided Natasha's gaze, looking at the floor.

“I'm not willing to risk our friendship over this,” he said after a while.

Natasha didn't laugh, but she looked like she wanted to.

“Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure nothing could ever hurt your friendship so don't beat yourself too much over that, huh?”

Steve smiled softly. 

**

“Bad news, Steve,” Bucky greeted Steve when he walked into the apartment. He frowned.

“What do you mean?”

Bucky was sitting into the couch, his laptop on his thighs. When Steve came to sit next to him, he turned the computer screen so he could see. He was reading a HYDRA article.

IS STEVE ROGERS A CHEATER? NEW LEAKED PICTURES OF HIM AND NATASHA ROMANOFF SHOW UNEXPECTED PROXIMITY

“Damn. Not again,” Steve said.

Next to the headline was a picture of him and Natasha during their walk the other day. The photographer had somehow managed to take the picture during the semi-second when their shoulders had touched, and Natasha’s look towards him looked almost tender. Steve knew that she was actually worried – but to someone who didn’t actually know Natasha, it seemed unusual on her face that tended to be always so guarded.

“How come we never see their photographers? Are there HYDRA drones around me somehow?” Steve asked, confused.

Bucky laughed, but it sounded almost nervous.

“I don’t know, pal, but it seems like they are very good at finding pictures of every single second of your life.”

“Fuck,” Steve said, because there wasn’t really anything else to say. “We were just talking. We were coming home from the meeting with Fury- we just touched for a split second, I don’t understand how they…” He let his voice fall.

“Yeah,” Bucky answered, because he understood. He frowned. “What are you going to do?”

But Steve was not listening to him – he was reading the article. And boy was it bad. Just like the other one, HYDRA was enumerating all the homophobic cliches they could find. Of course Steve was secretly dating Natasha – men were not meant to be dating men. How could Bucky really satisfy him anyway? If he liked both men and women, then he was surely a cheater. 

“Fuck,” he said again. And then: “Fuck fuck fuck,” for good measure. “I can’t let them say that. That’s the exact opposite of why we’re doing that.”

“What are you gonna do then?”

“I’m gonna get angry on Twitter,” Steve said and took his phone from his pocket.

“Shouldn’t you wait for Peggy?” Bucky asked.

Steve shook his head. “I don’t need her approval for everything.”

Bucky winced, probably thinking about how Peggy would react when she’d find out Steve went behind her back to post an angry thread on Twitter reacting to HYDRA’s article, but at this moment Steve couldn’t care less. HYDRA was not only attacking him but his whole community and he wasn’t able to stand just there watching. Peggy could do damage control afterwards if she wanted to — he wasn’t going to shut up this time.

@sgrogers  
It has come to my attention that some people who call themselves journalists are making assumptions about my love life and my identity once again. Here’s an answering thread.

@sgrogers  
I’m not dating Natasha Romanoff. We were just walking home after work, in a friendly manner. Maybe some people should learn that men and women can be friends and hanging out doesn’t have to be romantic.

@sgrogers  
That be said, I don’t think HYDRA really cared about whether Natasha and I are really in love. Instead, what they targeted was my identity as a bisexual man dating another man. I am no cheater, but HYDRA assumed that my bisexuality prevented me from committing in a relationship.

@sgrogers  
This is biphobia. The idea that, by liking men and women, I would never be perfectly satisfied with anyone without feeling the need to cheat is biphobia. Assuming that my relationship is not happy and healthy because I’m bisexual is biphobia.

@sgrogers  
Writing that in the end, I will always end up with a woman because straight is the way I should be is biphobia and homophobia. And the whole article is homophobic in many ways.

@sgrogers  
HYDRA wrote many times over the past few weeks about how much a shame for America I am now that I have come out. Their writers seem to think that I should give up on my role of Captain America since I’m not straight.

@sgrogers  
In their latest article, they wrote about how me being bisexual was actually a PR stunt so I could make profit over the idea of LGBT rights, which they call a “trend”. This is homophobia.

@sgrogers  
They wrote about how men should not be dating men – about how my nature as A Man will always bring me to women in the end. This is homophobia.

@sgrogers  
I don’t think I need to write more about it now. They don’t even deserve our attention. Homophobia is far from over, in entertainment and in the country in general. But it doesn’t mean that I will be ashamed of who I am.

@sgrogers  
I won’t be quiet, I won’t accept homophobia, biphobia, I won’t accept the bigotry of HYDRA journalists who think they are entitled to give an opinion about my life, about Natasha’s life, about anyone’s life.

@sgrogers  
I’m gonna say it one last time so the message doesn’t get lost: I’m not dating Natasha. I am still dating my boyfriend Bucky, I’m still bisexual, and I’m not a cheater. And maybe some people out there should learn not to make assumptions on people’s lives bc of a stupid picture.

Steve close Twitter, satisfied.

**

“You wouldn’t be cheating, though”, Bucky declared without context once they were settled in the couch in the evening. They hadn’t heard from Peggy for the whole day and Steve’s thread had earned more than three thousand retweets already.

“What are you talking about?” Steve answered, looking up from his phone.

“If you dated Nat, you wouldn’t be cheating.”

“I’m not dating Nat-”

“No, I know. But, you know. You don’t have to be faithful to me or anything. You said that you were – that you weren’t a cheater. But you don’t have to be. It’s not like we are together for real.”

Yeah Buck, thanks for reminding me, Steve didn’t say, but instead he shrugged and pretended it didn’t hurt.

“Yeah, I know. But I’m not dating her.”

“But you could date someone else.”

Steve frowned. “Why are you saying that?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want you to feel forced not to date anyone because you’re scared that you’ll appear as a cheater.”

“I don’t feel- Buck, hey, come on, what are you saying?”

He turned to look at Bucky in the eyes, but he was avoiding his gaze, looking down at his hands instead.

“No just- don’t listen to me. I’m saying stupid things. I just don’t want you to feel stuck with me, that’s all.”

“Why would I- but I’m the one who benefits from this, why would I be the one who’s stuck?”

Bucky laughed, but it sounded bitter.

“Because it’s different. I don’t want you to meet the love of your life and not go with them because the media think we’re dating, that’s all.”

It won’t happen, Steve wanted to say. It won’t happen because I’ll never be in love with anyone as much as I’m in love with you. But he didn’t say it, of course. Instead, he sighed.

“Hey, don’t worry about me. I know how to take care of myself. I’m not interested in dating anyone,” then he paused. “At the moment”, he added, because he didn’t want Bucky to find out why he wasn’t interested in anyone. “And I don’t feel stuck with you, I promise.”

“Sorry,” Bucky said without looking at him. Steve nudged his shoulder. He looked up and smiled weakly.

“Don’t apologize. You haven’t said anything wrong.”

Then something hit Steve. What if Bucky was not saying that because he was worried for Steve, but because he was afraid that it was exactly what was going to happen to him? What if he was just hinting at Steve that their arrangement could not stand anymore because _he_ was the one who felt stuck in it?

“Do _you_ want to date someone, then?” Steve asked, and prayed for the answer to be negative.

“Wh- no, Steve, god, no.” Bucky answered.

Steve frowned.

“Why?”

“I don’t know! Why don’t you?”

Steve didn’t answer. Bucky sighed.

“Listen, I’m not saying that it’s the case for me. Don’t get me wrong. I just don’t want – well, I don’t know, you to feel like you’re obliged to stay chaste or something because of me. And I’m telling you, I’m not going to date anyone while this arrangement is on, because, well, there’s no reason, but it’s the truth; so you can just take my word. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t. And if you feel like you need to call this whole fake dating thing off because you found someone else then-”

“Do you want to call it off?” Steve interrupted.

“What? No! Why would I want to call it off? Steve, I’m talking about _you_ there.”

“Yeah, but you’re the one who brought it up, so maybe that’s what you want to tell me- do you feel stuck in this thing? Oh my god Bucky I’m so sorry I only thought about myself and I didn’t think that maybe you didn’t want to be unable to date because the entire world thinks you’re dating an actor, oh my god-”

“Steve, you’re being dumb. I’m the one who suggested it, remember?”

“Yeah, but you thought it’d take something like a month, but it still hasn’t died down and-”

“And I would have told you if I had changed my mind. But I haven’t. So stop worrying about me, alright? I’m not gonna date anyone but the reason is not that I’m stuck in anything.”

“So what’s the reason?”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Steve.”

“Buck. Tell me.”

“There’s no reason. I’m not interested in dating, alright? And it’s not like I’ve got a thousand suitors waiting for me either, is it?”

“What do you mean?” Steve asked.

“No one’s interested in me, Steve,” Bucky said softly. He tried to make it sound as if it didn’t affect him, but it did, and Steve could hear it in his voice, could see it in the way he was slouching just a little in the couch, in the shadow in the corner of his eye.

“It’s because you don’t see people around you, pal. You’re so sure that you’re unlovable that you don’t allow yourself to be loved. To love back.” Steve said with a gentle voice.

Bucky sighed. “Can we drop the subject? I need- sorry.”

“Of course,” Steve answered, and Bucky leaned into him.

Steve draped his arm around his friend’s back and Bucky laid his head over Steve’s shoulder. Just like that, they nested themselves back under the blanket and turned the TV on.

“Thanks for being here,” Bucky said, and Steve’s heart swelled up with love.

**

On Sunday, Steve and Bucky were invited at Peggy and Angie’s place for lunch. The girls had cooked some chicken with curry and rice, and they all laughed when Steve and Peggy started to tell Bucky and Angie about the shenanigans Tony and Bruce had come up with during the filming of Cap 3. Peggy rolled her eyes when Bucky asked about Steve’s thread on Twitter, but this time she didn’t get angry. She probably thought that it was well deserved and that this time, at least, HYDRA hadn’t gotten away with it that easily.

When they brought the dessert, though, the mood became more serious, to Bucky and Steve’s surprise. Angie and Peggy seemed nervous, but also excited, then they stood up to declare that they had an announcement to make.

Steve frowned, oblivious as always, but Bucky smiled when he understood.

“Angie and I have decided to get married,” Peggy declared.

Steve’s smile got so bright Bucky thought it could make him blind forever.

“I can’t believe it! I’m so happy for you!” He shouted, standing up to hug Peggy and then Angie. 

Bucky stood up as well, feeling bad to be the only one seated. He came to hug the girls too. 

“Congratulations,” he told Peggy. When he hugged Angie, he saw that she was fighting tears, with a smile that could light up the room. 

“I can’t believe you’re getting married!” Steve said again, and he made Peggy swirl a little in his arms. She giggled. It was so refreshing to see them happy like that. 

“When is the wedding?” Bucky asked.

“We were thinking of doing a summer wedding – not this year, it’ll be too short to plan something satisfying, but next year.”

“Aww, Peggy, are you going to wear a white dress?” Bucky teased.

She shrugged and smiled. “We haven’t talked about that yet. Maybe.”

“Oh my god, my best girl in a white dress, I can’t wait to see you on your wedding day!” Steve almost seemed more enthusiastic than the girls (but Bucky knew better, and he saw the way Peggy was trying to hide her excitement too).

“Will you be my bridesman, Steve?” Peggy asked.

Bucky thought Steve was going to explode.

“Of course! Oh my god, of course!” And he hugged Peggy another time, for good measure. 

“I’m so happy too,” she said in a softer voice. She looked at Angie, and there was so much love in her eyes, so much care, Bucky felt soft all over too.

She left Steve’s embrace to hold Angie in her arms. There was so much peace in their relationship, they were soulmates, anyone could tell. They had overcome so many things – Peggy’s coming out, Angie’s parents nonacceptance, the fallout of Steve and Peggy’s public relationship – and still they loved and supported each other so much.

Bucky didn’t want to feel jealous, really. The truth was, he was genuinely, a hundred percent happy for them. But when he looked at Steve, he couldn’t keep himself from wishing that he could know this feeling too.


	8. Chapter 8

March came and went, and then suddenly it was the middle of April and Steve only had two weeks before he had to go to Europe for the premiere and the press tour that followed. Bucky’s work amount came back to normal after Clint got better, so it meant that they had more time to be together. During this time, they managed to plan more dates and hold hands many more times and Bucky was going to die. He was going to die and his cause of death would be Steve himself, the way his smile always seemed genuine even in front of paparazzi, how he’d hold Bucky against him when he felt him tensing by his side so he’d know that Steve was still there, that he was not alone, how he never left him in public events even when Bucky felt overwhelmed and had to leave early.

At the moment they were seated in their couch, Bucky with his feet on the pillow, Steve with his computer on his lap, and they were looking for new places to go for their dates. They were still fake dates, but sometime into the month, they had stopped calling them like that, even when they were just together. It was easier, it flowed easily – they were going on dates, they had date nights, and it didn’t kill Bucky at all, not even a little. OK, maybe a little.

“Hey, what about going to an aquarium?” Steve suggested, pulling Bucky away from his thoughts.

“An aquarium? Where have you been looking for to find ideas like that?”

Steve blushed. “Tumblr.”

“Tumblr!” Bucky explained. “Tumblr, Steve! What are you doing on Tumblr?”

“I don’t know! I looked for date ideas on Google and it suggested me a Tumblr page, so I’m scrolling through it, it’s not that bad, you know!”

“I don’t know, isn’t Tumblr the website where they post all those fanfictions and fanarts about you?”

“About you and me, pal,” Steve answered.

It was Bucky’s turn to blush. “Yeah,” he just said, as if it was eloquent.

“So?”

“What?”

“An aquarium?”

“Well, no offense, but I don’t really know what you can do in an aquarium.”

“Look at the fish? Take pictures?”

Bucky shrugged, but he had a smile on his lips.

“Read about fish species? Pretend you’re a pirate who just fell into the sea?”

“What the fuck, Steve?”

“I don’t know! But it _could_ be a nice afternoon, or something, that’s what I’m saying.” Then he paused. “It’d be romantic.”

Bucky ducked his head to hide his blush. “Yeah, I guess.”

“So aquarium next Saturday? You’ll be free, right? No work?”

“No work.”

“Then it’s a date!” Steve exclaimed, and Bucky died inside.

No, Steve, it’s not a date, he wanted to scream. It’s a _fake_ date, I’m aware of it, and I goddamn just wish it wasn’t! 

**

The next day, Bucky went to Sam’s place after they both left work. Sam liked cooking, and he always liked to use Bucky as a guinea pig for his culinary experiments, but Bucky never complained, because Sam cooked _well._ And Steve was away for the evening, to some charity event Bucky hadn’t felt comfortable enough to go, so he found himself hovering in Sam’s kitchen while his friend was finishing the meal.

“So I’m trying this new lasagna recipe I found the other day, it’s got spinach and salmon in it,” he explained, and Bucky hummed.

To no one’s surprise, it smelled good.

“Hello everyone!” They heard, and Wanda was at the door. How she had managed to open it without making any sound, even though they were something like twenty inches away from it, they didn’t know. How she knew that they’d both be here together this evening, they didn’t know either, because as far as they were concerned, none of them had invited her. But it was Wanda, so they just shrugged and she joined them in the kitchen.

“Mmh, I smell salmon!” She exclaimed as she laid herself over Bucky’s shoulder. He pretended to try to shrug her off, but she stayed and he didn’t mind.

“It’s lasagna,” Sam said, and he opened the oven to get the plate out. “Will you help with the salad, Wanda?”

Wanda nodded and opened the fridge, as if she was at home. It made Bucky wonder how often Wanda came here to hang out with Sam when he was not there.

The plate now out of the oven, Bucky was starting to feel his appetite grow. Sam’s cooking was his hidden skill, and Bucky was so grateful for being let into the secret.

They settled at the table, took some of the salad, some of the lasagna, and started eating. At first, no one talked, because the lasagna was too fucking good, but after some compliments that made Sam smile a lot, their usual banter started again and the discussion came easily.

They talked about work, about college for Wanda, about TV shows and even some politics, even though it made Wanda grimace and they dropped the subject, not wanting the evening to get too gloomy. 

But at one point Sam and Wanda realized that Bucky was constantly checking his phone, because sometimes Steve texted him during boring charity events and he was in love, alright, he had the right to be needy sometimes. 

“So how are you dealing with this situation with Steve?” Wanda asked, straight to the point.

“Uhhhhhhh,” Bucky answered, which should have been an indication to change topics to anyone, but apparently it didn’t work on Sam and Wanda, because they just gave him a _look_ and he sighed.

“I don’t really know,” he continued. “It’s like, same as always? But there’s this, I don’t know, romantic’s not the word, but there’s this edge to everything, it fucks up my mind.’

Sam nodded, but he didn’t went all _I told you so_ , and Bucky was grateful.

“I know everything’s fake, OK? I know it, my brain knows it, my heart knows it because it fucking hurts-” he paused, because he didn’t want to be an inconvenience to his friends, but when he looked at them, they seemed to care, and listen to him, so he continued.

“But you know, sometimes it’d be easy to believe – that we’re going on real dates, that he’s holding my hand because he wants to, that he’s not smiling to me for the cameras. And on the other hand, I’m starting to feel like our friendship is fake, because I can’t make the difference between what’s genuine and what’s for the reporters anymore, and I just fucking hate it, but I brought it upon myself, so it’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault,” Wanda said softly, then frowned. “Well, a bit, but it doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to complain about it.”

“Wanda’s right,” Sam added. “You did this because you wanted to help Steve, and now it’s hurting you, and I know you didn’t want to admit it because you feel like you made a stupid choice,” (Bucky nodded) “but right now what I see is that my friend is hurting, and I think Wanda will agree with me on that, but we just want you to find a solution, okay?”

“Maybe you should talk about it with Steve?” Wanda suggested.

“What do you mean? I can’t tell him that it feels too real, that I want it to be real, Wanda, he won’t want to talk to me anymore!”

“I know, but maybe talk about setting some boundaries, at least in your personal life?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to inconvenience him. I was the one who suggested to pretend to date in the first place.”

“I’m sure Steve wouldn’t think it’s an inconvenience”, Sam answered. “I don’t think Steve would want you to be hurt, in any way. How would he react if he learned that you forced yourself to do something that hurt you for his sake?”

Bucky shuddered. That was the worse case scenario, Steve finding out – because not only he would be offended by Bucky taking advantage of this fake-dating agreement, but he’d feel guilty about leading Bucky on. That was Steve, everyone. Always trying to do good in the world.

“I don’t know. I just want – it’s stupid really-”

“Tell us.” Sam said.

“I just want it to be real,” Bucky whispered. He rubbed at his eyes, not wanting to look his friends in the eyes. “I just want it to be real. It was easy, sometimes, to forget that I was in love with him, when he was with Peggy, and then even after, because I was his best pal and it was never anything else – but now I can imagine, I can see what it would feel to date him for real, and I don’t know, I’m just stupid and I’m in love and now I won’t ever be able to move on.” He paused. “And I don’t even want to.”

“What do you mean, you don’t want to?” Sam answered. Wanda stayed silent, her brow furrowed.

“It’s stupid, alright? But I’m in love, and maybe that’s the fact that I’m in love, and maybe it’s this kind of selfless love that’s just too dumb but I don’t want not to love him anymore. I don’t want to move on, because he’s just everything I feel like I’ll need, ever, in my life, and I don’t think I could fall in love again, and I don’t want to. I just want to- I just want to be with him forever. Whatever way he’ll have me.”

Bucky looked up, feeling as stupid as he always felt when he talked about his love for Steve. He felt like they couldn’t understand – it was not only about him, it was not something that was in his control, or at least not anymore. Maybe some time ago he could have stopped loving Steve – but he hadn’t, and now his whole life had been built around this love. It was a part of him that could never leave him.

And then Wanda rolled her eyes. She may have thought nobody would notice, but they both did, and when they looked at her, she didn’t even have the decency to look guilty. These fucking children, Bucky thought. No respect for their elders.

“Wanda!” Sam said, outraged.

“You really _are_ a disaster gay,” Wanda answered, and Bucky gasped. “I may be the youngest here and I can’t believe I’m the one who has to tell you that but”, she pointed at Bucky, “you need to talk to Steve. You do. You’ve been putting that off for literal _years_ but you can’t do it anymore.”

Bucky looked sheepish.

“You’re an adult, Bucky. And I know you love him, and I know you’re scared of losing him, but damn, that’s not healthy. That’s not, hear me, that’s not healthy, because you think loving him has to be painful but it doesn’t. It doesn’t. You can’t let yourself suffer because you’re scared. You’re hurting, and one day you won’t be able to take it anymore, and something between you will break, it will, I’m sorry, but it will, unless you talk to him and address the problem.”

Sam nodded. Bucky looked down.

“She’s right, Bucky.” 

Bucky avoided their eyes. He knew she was right, but he also knew that it didn’t make it less scary.

**

Sam and Wanda were not stupid. They knew Bucky was, however.

Which meant they knew Bucky was never going to listen to them and talk to Steve, and they decided to take the matter into their own hands. They invited Steve and Bucky to a little improvised get-together with Bucky’s colleagues, Thor and Clint. Which meant that even though Sam and Wanda knew Steve and Bucky were _not_ really together, they still had to pretend in front of the others. Oh, and Sam had invited Natasha too, or at least urged Steve to invite her. But that was just personal benefit.

They drank, and celebrated Steve and Natasha’s movie, and laughed and ate Sam’s food, which was always something enjoyable. They were all tired, they had had a long week, and at the end maybe they all drank a little too much than they should have, but it was not like anyone was there to judge them. 

When the night went on, they started talking about things that were way more personal, about work and their future, about themselves and their family, and because it could not be avoided, they talked about Steve and Bucky. They teased them a little, just a little, really, like they were used to by now, but at one moment, Clint, who was way more of a romantic than what he showed, asked Steve when he had realized that his love for Bucky was more than platonic, and Wanda grinned. Why was Wanda here again? Bucky thought. She was too young for this, but at this point he was too drunk to care, though not drunk enough _not_ to care about what Steve was going to answer.

Steve was drunk too. He could say the truth. He could tell them that it was not more than platonic, really. That he never had real feelings for Bucky. He could screw everything up, or he could try to come up with a lie that was just so absurd-

“I think I always knew,” Steve said instead. 

Bucky turned to him brutally, and then realized that he wasn’t supposed to be surprised, so he tried to ease his reaction by smiling softly at Steve, even though his mind was screaming.

“We’ve been friends forever and he’s been the most important person of my life for a long time, and as soon as I was mature enough to understand what love was, I knew I loved him. So it was kind of a progressive realization, you know?” Then he laughed, and it sounded almost sad, but he threw his arm around Bucky’s shoulders and Bucky tried not to stiffen too perceptibly. 

“Aww, man, that’s the cutest shit I’ve ever heard,” Clint said, and Thor raised his beer.

“Cheers to the lovebirds!” He said as though he wasn’t using every excuse to drink more and make people drink.

“Bucky, are you alright?” Steve asked, looking at him with unreadable eyes.

“Yeah, just getting tired.” Then he paused. “Don’t worry for me, Stevie,” he said with a softer voice, and Steve brought him closer.

Bucky’s heart was definitely going to beat out of his chest. Not that he had never been close to Steve like that – but maybe it was the context, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was due to the fact that everyone (well, almost everyone) around the table though they were in love – but Bucky was feeling restless in Steve’s embrace.

“What about you, Bucky?” Thor then said, and Bucky was way too drunk to feel embarrassed by the way he blushed furiously.

He could be honest, right? It’s not like they had planned a story beforehand, and he had to answer something that would be believable. He was not as great a liar as Steve – whose job was to pretend, for god’s sake, of course he’d sound so genuine – so he could just go for it and tell the truth.

“Well, it was a bunch of little things. When we grew up, I mean. When we were-” he rubbed at his eyes and pretended it was shyness rather than shame at how long he had nourished this unrequited love. “When we were teens, I realized I never wanted to be away from him. Like, ever. I’d miss him when we weren’t at school together, even if I knew I’d see him in twelve hours or so. And then, you know. I grew up, and I started dating, and I realized that I was gay, but I was still dating girls, because it was easier than just come out, right, but it never felt right. And I think some part of me knew it was because Steve- he was the only one who would be right. He was the only one I- Well,” He stopped, because even drunk, he knew that he was going too far.

He didn’t dare look at Steve, but he stared at Sam instead, and he was giving him this look he was so talented in, the Dad Friend look, the “I’m not angry I’m just worried for you” look, and he felt himself shrink under it.

“But I thought, you know, I allowed myself to think it was because I liked boys, and they were girls- but even when I came out, even when I started dating boys, I’d never- It’d never feel real. It felt like a distraction.” 

He blushed again and then took a sip of whiskey to stop thinking about it. When he turned to him, Steve was sporting an undecipherable look, and it made Bucky’s skin itch.

How could this man be both so oblivious and so confusing?

“You’re so cute, guys,” Clint said with a mouth full of chips. “You were in love for years before you really got together. How stupid is that, right? But, like I said. Cute.”

Bucky saw Sam’s eyes narrow, and he ducked his head. “Yeah, we’re pretty dumb indeed,” he said. 

“How come we never see you kiss, though?” Clint continued, taking a handful of chips again and throwing them in his mouth. Natasha winced, and Bucky didn’t know it it was because of the question or because of Clint’s non-existent table manners.

Bucky wanted to disappear into the ground.

“Uh, I don’t know?” Steve answered, eloquent as ever.

“You’re all lovey-dovey for everything, heart eyes and everything, but you never kiss. One of you has bad breath or what?”

“What? No,” Steve answered.

“Then kiss!” Clint exclaimed. “Kiss, kiss, kiss!”

Wanda joined in, and Bucky glared at her, but she kept smiling. Children these days. Then Thor joined too and started clapping loudly. “Kiss, kiss, kiss!”

The problem was, they had avoided it for as long as they could, but if they refused to kiss right now, it’d be to suspicious. Why would they not want to kiss? It was not like they were supposed not to kiss – they had literally been outed by a picture of them kissing.

Bucky’s blush was not going away anytime soon.

Especially with the way Steve leaned towards him. He smiled softly but looked for Bucky’s eyes before resting his forehead on Bucky’s. Oh. They _were_ going to kiss. The way Steve slowed down, letting his face linger close to Bucky’s, felt like a question. He was giving Bucky a chance to back off now, to laugh it off, if he didn’t want to kiss Steve. Oh, Bucky thought again, but how could he not want to kiss him?

Even this attention, this concern for Bucky’s assent even though they were both drunk, even though there was pressure and the whole table was looking at them made Bucky’s heart constrict in his chest. How could he not want to kiss this man who was the closest thing to perfect there was on this planet?

So he did just that, and reached forward to press his lips to Steve’s. It was nowhere as awkward as their first kiss, if they could even call it a kiss, the quick peck they had given each other in Coney Island that had started all this mess – it was softer, and more careful. Steve kissed with a kind of tenderness that made Bucky melt against him.

It only lasted a few seconds, just enough to make Bucky’s colleagues whistle in the background, but they didn’t hear them, not really. When they parted, they didn’t go far, and Steve who had somehow brought his hand to Bucky’s face in the process was now rubbing slow circles on his temple, and Bucky leaned into his touch. Steve smiled to him, and then let his hand fall. Bucky tried not to groan at the loss.

Bucky’s heart was still racing, threatening to beat out of his chest. He tried to hide the blush blooming on his face by leaning his head on Steve’s shoulder, and Steve threw his arm around him to bring him close. He heard his colleagues laugh in the background.

“Wow, you guys really are in love, am I right?” Thor said before he started a new subject – Bucky could hug him right now, just for that.

When he resurfaced from Steve’s hug, though, he found Sam’s eyes staring right at him, and he felt his face grow hot once again. He tried to convey in his look how sorry he was that Sam had to witness this, but Sam didn't seem angry, not really. He shook his head without saying anything, which could mean everything, really.

Wanda, who was sitting on the floor below Sam, was smiling knowingly, though, and that confused Bucky even more. Wasn’t she the one who said that Steve and Bucky needed to act like adults and talk about things instead of acting on their impulse? Wasn’t it the exact contrary of what had just happened? She looked like she knew something that he didn’t – which wasn’t really different from what she usually looked like, really, but most of the time, she did _know_ something that he didn’t.  
Well. Maybe she was just drunk.

**

When he woke up in the morning, Bucky needed a moment to even remember how he got home the night before. He had not been drunk _enough_ to forget, but he sure had let his walls go down due to alcohol, and now he felt more embarrassed than ever. Especially when he thought about what he had said about Steve and his love for him – and the kiss they had shared.

Oh god. The kiss. It had been the worst and the best moment of Bucky’s week. Steve had been so sweet to him – why had he been so sweet? He could have just kissed him quickly and gotten over with it – everyone would have reacted the same around them, but no, he had cupped his cheek and it had felt _real_ and it always felt real and Bucky was so screwed.

If he could go back in time, he would have gone to the moment when he had followed Steve to that stupid bathroom and talked about his stupid plan to make his fans happy. He would have held Steve in his arms and told him that he’d be alright, and they would have crafted a statement with Peggy’s help to explain that they were not dating, and they would have posted a dumb selfie on Instagram with a dumb caption, “just buddies!” and Bucky’s heart would have shattered for a moment and that would have been all.

But no, he had gone and cursed himself with this situation where he kept breaking his heart over and over again.

He forced himself to get out of bed and into the living room despite his pounding headache. It had been a while since his last hangover.

Steve was already on the couch, drinking coffee from their biggest mug, eyes squinted. He nodded at Bucky but said nothing, and when Bucky fell on the couch next to him, he only gestured at the coffee pot and the second mug in front of him. Bucky poured himself a coffee, that he almost finished in one gulp. 

“Hungover too?” Steve said then, his voice croaking a little. Bucky nodded, and Steve smiled.

It was awkward, the silence between them, but Bucky decided to put it on the account of the hangover and lack of sleep. He had enough things to worry about right now and refused to even imagine that Steve was remembering what Bucky had said about him last night and that his clearer brain was now making sense of everything and that he was about to reject Bucky. If he only thought about it, it’d send him into a never-ending anxiety spiral and he was too tired to deal with that right now.

Instead, he rubbed at his eyes again and finished his coffee. When he looked up to Steve, though, he found him looking straight at him with a tired smile on his face. He frowned.

“What?” He said, eloquent as ever.

“Hey Buck, wanna come with me to Europe?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this story no one has powers except maybe for Wanda, who knows.  
> i'm on tumblr ! @jeeanmoreau


	9. Chapter 9

The days that came after were spent packing for their trip to Europe. Bucky had managed to take two weeks off from work quite easily since he did not really have a boss – the garage was co-owned by Thor, Clint and him, and his colleagues were very supportive of him cheering on his boyfriend’s (fake boyfriend’s) premiere in Paris.

Bucky was nervous for many reasons. First, he had never been to Europe before, so it would be a first, and it was a good reason to be nervous. Second, he would have to spend time with Steve’s colleagues, and especially Natasha who he suspected would find out about his crush on Steve in five seconds, which was not a good news. He also didn’t really like Tony, but he figured he could manage those two weeks in his company, for Steve’s sake.

But it also meant that he would spend these two weeks with _Steve_. And yes, they indeed spent all their time together already since they lived in the same apartment, they were best friends and they were very much _pretending to be dating_ , but right now Bucky had his job and there he’d just be there to follow and support Steve like a good boyfriend and to be perfectly honest, he didn’t know how he was going to manage.

The worst thing was – things had changed between them recently. They had always been very affectionate friends, and had never shied away from hugs or casual touching. And the fake relationship had not helped that, since now they always seemed to hold hands or be close to each other when they were in public. But to Bucky, it seemed like their kiss in front of his colleagues had opened the gates to something new between them.

Now the touching didn’t only occur in public – it occurred all the time. They sat closer on the couch, brushed against each other’s side or shoulders with no reason, and Bucky even felt like they hugged more often. He couldn’t explain why – it was not like it was a _conscious_ choice, not from him anyway. Maybe they tried to persuade each other that their friendship was not falling apart, when it was probably doing just that. Maybe they tried to pretend that no one in this kiss had meant for it to be more than platonic because admitting it would wreck everything they had – thus pretending to be comfortable with lots of _very platonic_ touching.

They never talked about it. They pretended it was normal. If they pretended hard enough, maybe it would become normal. After all, they were just two buddies pretending to be boyfriends, preparing for a trip in Europe while one of them was internationally famous. Nothing weird there, nothing unusual, really.

**

Bucky fell asleep almost as soon as he sat down, which was a very good thing. He was not afraid of heights, fuck you Steve, he was just not very much at ease with the idea of being in a murderous vehicle thousands of feet above the ground. It was a very logical, self-preservation feeling. Humans were not made to fly. It was the _truth._

Steve smiled as he watched Bucky falling asleep next to him. Bucky had had a very long week at work and he deserved this vacation. It was a good thing he had been able to leave work for a while. And if it allowed them to stay together during this time, well, it was just additional benefit. It was not like it had been a burden for the movie crew to add just _one_ person to their trip. And since everyone thought they were dating, it was easy to justify.

Everyone brought plus ones with them once in a while. No one had to know that Steve’s was just his pal. It would make things infinitely weirder.

Twenty minutes into the flight, Bucky was almost snoring next to Steve. Thirty minutes later, his head fell on Steve’s shoulder, and Steve froze.

What was he supposed to do? Wake him up? Move his head? Sit still and pretend he was not dying inside?

He chose the latter. Bucky needed this sleep, he would not disturb him.

And if anyone caught him staring lovingly at his friend, well… It was not weird, because they were supposed to be dating. It was not weird because he was _supposed_ to be in love with Bucky, everyone on the plane (except for Natasha) thought that Bucky was in love with him too. 

And even as friends – things like that happened, right? Friends hugged, so sometimes friends accidentally fell asleep on each other as well. Sometimes friends moved their shoulders slightly to card their fingers in the other’s hair while they slept. It was friendly. It was nice. No one would say anything about it.

And if Steve was currently dying inside from all the love he felt for Bucky who was asleep on his shoulder? Well, that was his own problem. Who fell in love with their best friend, anyway? Who could stand literal years of pining without ever thinking of _trying_ to date someone else? To move on, to fall in love with someone else? Only Steve. 

Bucky slept with his mouth slightly open, his face relaxed and peaceful. Steve wanted to paint him, to take thousands of pictures of his face when he had nothing to worry about, and plaster it onto all the walls of their home so they would never forget that they _could_ reach this state of peace. At this moment, he wanted to fight everyone that made Bucky feel tense all the time, he wanted to protect him so he could stay happy and calm as he was right now.

But the only thing he could do was keep looking at him and smile, because that moment was his, at least. Bucky might not love Steve as Steve loved him, but he trusted him, and that was something Steve wanted to cherish forever. 

At one point, Bucky woke up, and Steve still had his hand in his hair, but it didn’t feel weird, and Bucky burrowed himself further against him.

“Hey, Buck,” Steve said, and he felt Bucky smile against him.

“I don’t want to see through the window. Wake me up when we’re on the ground.”

Steve laughed. “You’ll have to wait a few hours for that, buddy.”

“I have sleep to catch up on,” Bucky mumbled without looking up, and Steve began caressing his hair again. Bucky rubbed his face on Steve’s shoulder then stopped moving, and Steve knew it meant that he liked it.

“You’re like a cat.”

Bucky didn’t answer – he was already falling asleep. Steve let his own head rest on the window. From where they were, he could only see clouds, and he liked it like that. He enjoyed being on planes way more than Bucky did – maybe because he was used to it, with press tours and filming locations, maybe because there was something peaceful about being above the ground, above the clouds, where nothing could reach them, where nothing felt the same.

Well. He was an actor, not a poet. He looked at Bucky, and fell in love once again.

(How easy it would be to pretend it was real. Bucky held close to him, his face in his shoulder, Steve’s hand in his hair – he could just drop a kiss on his forehead, kiss him for real when he woke up, caress his cheek, caress his neck. At this point, he’d cross the line he had never crossed since then, the line between _platonic_ and _romantic._ But he looked at his friend once again and wondered: had he not crossed this line when he kissed Bucky for the first time, in Coney Island? Was it platonic to card your hand through your best friend’s hair while he slept, when everyone around you believed you were in love?

How come he had never thought about that before?)

**

When the plane landed, they went to pick up their luggage, even though they could have asked the movie crew to do that for them, but Steve liked doing things normally if he could. Then they got into the cars SHIELD had rented for them, and drove to the hotel. It was a nice hotel, not as fancy as those Steve had sometimes slept in during press tours in the past, and they went to pick the keys to their room. They’d stay in the hotel for the two weeks of the press tour – it was called a European press tour because they went to Europe, but the truth was – all the reporters had been nicely asked to come to Paris, instead of what they had done in the past, moving from one country to the other, smiling for cameras, answering the same questions over and over to interviewers that looked and sounded the same, except for their accents.

Steve was rather happy to stay in Paris during the whole trip. It meant he could get some rest between the interviews, and even hopefully do some sightseeing with Bucky.

But first they had to unpack their bags in their room. The elevator ride was silent – Natasha left first, her room being on the second floor. Then it was Bruce and Tony, who were next-door neighbors on the third floor, and finally Steve and Bucky were very glad to get off the elevator on the fifth floor: they’d have the best view on the city. Bucky was the one to open the door – since his prosthetic was less strong than his other arm, Steve was carrying most of the bags.

They went inside their room; it was pleasant, with a little kitchenette where they could heat their coffee in the morning without having to face everyone as soon as they woke up, and there was a bathroom with a huge bathtub, and – only one bed. Which they should have predicted, since the movie crew that booked their rooms had no clue that they were not _in fact_ together. Bucky felt like his soul left his body when he froze on the spot.

“Ah,” Steve said when he noticed the problem. “Fuck. Should have seen that coming.” Then, after a pause, he added. “I can take the couch. There’s a couch, I can take the couch.”

“You’re not sleeping on the couch, Stevie.” Bucky tried to play it cool when he was actually dying inside. “Well, it’s not like we didn’t share when we were kids, right?”

_We’re not kids anymore,_ Steve wanted to say, but he didn’t, and shrugged instead. “Yeah, right.” He was _not_ going to survive the trip. “We’re just going to… Share. Alright. We’re doing that.”

“We’re doing that.”

**

Steve woke up with something on top of him. When he opened his eyes, though, he realized that it was not a something, but a someone, and that someone just happened to be Bucky, who had moved during the night so his head was buried into Steve’s chest, and his feet were hidden under Steve’s. He looked awfully cozy there, Steve allowed himself to think for a second, before he managed to properly freak out.

But then he realized that the freaking out didn’t seem to be coming. He was feeling too good with Bucky close to him, just like when they were kids but also so, so much better – because when they were kids they’d just hit each other during the night and hog the blankets, but apparently now they cuddled and slept close enough to end up into each other’s arms.

Bucky’s hair was on his face, and it moved when he breathed, so without thinking, with the tip of his finger Steve moved it away from his forehead, and oh, now his hand was on Bucky’s face and he just left it on his cheek, and he could feel Bucky’s breath on his wrist and that was probably how heaven felt like. Then Bucky blinked slowly, and woke up, looking right at Steve.

And neither of them panicked, so it was probably a good thing. Steve froze for a second, then proceeded to move his hand away from Bucky’s face, but Bucky didn’t seem to want to move away from Steve’s chest, and Steve didn’t complain. They were really fine there, after all. And it had been Bucky’s idea to sleep in the same bed – though there hadn’t really been any viable alternatives on the moment.

“Too early,” Bucky said in lieu of a greeting.

“You woke up on your own,” Steve answered, though he would have had to move to go downstairs if he wanted to eat and shower before his first interview in the morning. And since Bucky was _still_ laying on him, he would have had to move Bucky too.

“I could feel you move”, Bucky said.

“It tends to happen when you’re laying on someone.”

Bucky chuckled. “I guess.”

And then he proceeded to go back to sleep on the spot. Steve blinked a few times. Even though he knew about Bucky’s ability to fall asleep in a second, it always shocked him.

“Bucky,” he tried. Bucky didn’t move. “Bucky, pal, I really have to move, you know.”

No answer. “Bucky,” he said louder, and since Bucky didn’t react, he had to wake him up forcefully. He took him by the shoulders to move him away from Steve’s chest.

“Steeeeeeve,” Bucky whined when he woke up again. “I need my beauty sleep!” 

“I think you’ve had enough of that,” Steve laughed when he finally managed to get out of bed.

“Are you saying I’m pretty?” Bucky asked and Steve blushed, though he was turning his back to Bucky so his friend couldn’t see it. 

“I’m saying you’ve slept enough, pal,” and then he went downstairs so he wouldn’t embarrass himself further. 

**

Two weeks was a long time when you had to work – a short time when you pretended to be a tourist. Steve and Bucky managed to find a lot of free time to do some sightseeing, and even though Steve had already been to Paris for previous movies, he had never found the time to properly visit the city. 

His opinion was: Paris was the most beautiful city he had ever visited. He loved New York, he really did, it was his home, his childhood and adulthood at the same time – but so far nothing could compare to Montmartre at the sunset, and maybe it was because Bucky was there, because Bucky was holding his hand – but he felt like there was poetry in the air and songs in his chest and he didn’t know if he was more in love with the city or with Bucky.

But Paris was the city of love more than anything – and it meant that it was the city of _cute dates_ and _handholding_ and even sharing a kiss on top of the Ferris wheel so they could snap a picture and post on Instagram. They kissed several times during the trip, to pretend in front of Steve’s colleagues, in front of reporters, once asked by a fan and, OK, they had decided to do that for fans in the first place so it was normal they had to kiss for them too. But Steve felt guilty every time, because he enjoyed it too much.

He knew he shouldn’t. They weren’t real kisses, after all. Bucky didn’t mean anything when he kissed him – even though sometimes the kiss lingered just a little longer than necessary. Even though he smiled after he kissed him. Even though he never let his hand go. 

But god was Steve meaning it. He wanted to kiss Bucky all the time – when he got ice cream on his nose on the Champs-Elysées, and Steve had had to wipe it off his face himself since Bucky didn’t seem to find the spot. When Bucky had told him so excitedly about Pierre and Marie Curie’s work when they were visiting the Panthéon, because even though Bucky had not been able to go to college, he had always nursed a not-so-secret passion for science and Steve was always happy to hear him talk about it.

Everything about Paris, everything about this trip seemed to make him fall in love with Bucky more, seemed to make him believe everything was real. Except for Natasha, no one on the crew knew their relationship was not real, so it meant they had almost no private space to just be friends – and everything in their life had become romantic, or at least _pretended_ to have become romantic.

They’d wake up in the morning cuddled up together, every time, and at some point they had stopped trying to fight it. They were cuddlers, so be it. None of them complained, anyway. Then they’d go downstairs, Bucky almost asleep on his feet, grumpy as hell, Steve already bright and dashing after one coffee shared on the little table of their room. They’d sit down with everyone, share jokes and pretend to be excited for this day’s interview, and at some point Bucky would probably put his head on Steve’s shoulder and doze off. 

Steve would have to wake him up before he fell properly asleep, and Bucky would groan and whine until he had been forcefully fed and given another coffee. Most of the time, even though he liked to complain about waking up too early for his poor metabolism, he did come with Steve to his morning interviews. Steve liked to pretend that it was because Bucky missed him when he was away even for one morning – but the truth was, Bucky would just probably be bored out of his mind if he had to stay at the hotel all the time, and Paris might be fun, but being alone when you couldn't speak french at all seemed just a bit less funny.

Then they'd have lunch together, and sometimes Steve had other interviews during the afternoon, sometimes he didn't; but he always came back to dine with Bucky, trying out fancy Parisian restaurants. They made fun of each other, daring the other to eat the weirdest foods they'd see on the menu, though it'd often turn out correct, if not very good (like those frogs’ legs they had been very wary of but had _needed_ to try. Well, it was good. French people were crazy, but they had _good_ crazy ideas, apparently).

And then they'd visit. Which meant they did most of their tourism at night, or at least at sunset, but it was a good thing, actually. Paris was even more beautiful under the moonlight. And, well. It was way more romantic.

And at night they'd fall back close to each other in bed, a goodnight kiss away from being a real couple. And oh how Steve dreamed of getting this goodnight kiss. But he knew it couldn't happen.

One day, a few days before they had to come back to New York, Natasha took him aside to talk to him. He went grudgingly, because he loved Natasha, he really did, but when she said _We need to talk_ in that kind of voice, it never presaged good things.

“Steve, you need to talk to Bucky,” she declared as soon as they got out of the others’ hearing range. 

“I talk to him everyday,” Steve answered, even though he knew it was not what she meant. She rolled her eyes.

“I swear, you’re a child sometimes. You both are children. I can’t believe you’ve just spent two weeks in Paris doing that much romantic shit and you haven’t confessed your love to him yet.”

“You know it’s just part of the arrangement- it’s the public part of our relationship, that’s all.”

“Yeah? And that’s public too when you cuddle during breakfast?”

“Well, Bruce and Tony don’t know-”

“Steve. You know just as well as me that things changed. It’s not the same as when you started this, am I wrong?”

Sheepishly, Steve shook his head.

“Yeah, I knew it. So you’ve got to talk to him about it, alright? Because I’m sure you’re not giving your relationship enough credit. I’m sure Bucky likes you too.”

“You know he doesn’t.”

“That’s literally the contrary of what I just said.”

Steve looked down.

“Anyway. You gotta take the chance, alright? Or you’ll regret it. Your friendship could survive everything, anyway, you know that? What’s that thing you keep saying? You’re together till the end of this road?”

“Till the end of the line.”

“Well. This isn’t the end of the line.”

And deep down, Steve knew she was right.

**

Soon the two weeks were over, and Steve and Bucky were in a plane coming back to New York – and then they were back in their apartment, unpacking in their respective rooms, trying to make sense of what had happened during the trip.

Guilt was clawing at Steve’s chest. He felt bad for enjoying all of that way too much. Was he taking advantage of Bucky? Sure, Bucky had been the one to suggest that they pretended to date, and Steve had given him an out several time, an out that he had refused – but he was doing this for Steve, and Steve was pretending to do it for his fans; but it seemed less and less like a chore to them and now Steve didn’t want it to stop.

He didn’t want to go back to being _just friends_. He didn’t want to lose the casual touching, the dates, he didn’t want to lose Bucky so close to him when they went out, his smile, the way they’d just do domestic shit for each other; not only for Instagram, not anymore – it had become a habit.

During the press tour, they had taken their domestic intimacy to a new level, and now Steve was afraid that things were going to go back to what they were before – though he knew he shouldn’t wish for things not to change, because it wasn’t real, it wasn’t real, he had to remind himself.

Bucky in his bedroom was not doing much better. During these two weeks with Steve, he had been clingy and had plastered his love all over everything he did, and at this time it had felt great – Steve had never shown any signs of discomfort or rebuttal, and he had just been able to pretend that it was real, that Steve wanted him too; but now he realized that Steve was probably just pretending because he couldn’t push Bucky away in front of his co-stars who didn’t know they were a real couple.

And now Bucky was sure that Steve would never want to talk to him again.

He went to bed with a heavy heart. And it didn’t help that he now had to get used again to falling asleep without Steve’s heat close to him. How come he had lived his whole life without it and now he couldn’t find sleep without him? Sometimes his life was just too much of a joke.

But it had felt so real. It had felt like Steve was really in love with him.

Steve was an incredible actor. He could pretend to be in love with Bucky and even Bucky would believe him. But at the same time, Bucky couldn’t stop thinking about the intimacy they had shared during the trip – even in the privacy of their own room. Even when there was no one to see them.

Did best friends really act like that? Or was there more that Bucky wasn’t seeing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this chapter has turned into a love letter to Paris. I just love my city so much. I hope you enjoyed the bedsharing! It's one of my favorite tropes.  
> I won't be able to update next week due to Nanowrimo eating up all my free time, but i'll hopefully be back in two weeks with a new chapter full of fluff and pining! I'm on tumblr, you can follow me at @jeeanmoreau !


	10. Chapter 10

Bucky loved leaving on vacation. He really did. He hated coming back. He enjoyed his work, he loved his colleagues, but he kept wishing he was back in Paris, enjoying the view from their hotel room, walking hand in hand with Steve in the Père-Lachaise cemetery – and it had nothing to do with the fact that he kind of missed the intimacy he had with Steve during the trip. Not that everything had went back to their normal situation; but he missed waking up in his arms, he couldn’t deny it.

He was at work when Becca called him that day. When his phone rang, he wiped his hands on the closest surface, not wanting to answer with his hands covered in motor oil and accidentally stain his screen.

“Hello?” he said when he finally accepted the call.

“Bucky!” he heard Becca say on the other side. “I thought you were not going to answer.”

“I’m at work, you know. That’s what adult do. They work.”

He could imagine Becca rolling her eyes even though he couldn’t see her. “I’m your sister. I’m more important.”

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.” He paused. “Did you call for a reason or do you just want to bother me?”

“Can’t I just call my big brother because I want to hear about how he’s doing? I haven’t seen you in a while!”

“You never do that, Becs. If you worried about me, you’d have texted me.”

“True. Mom wants you home next weekend. We’re having a little family get-together, apparently. Steve’s invited too, of course.”

“Becca, I just came home from a two-weeks trip, I can’t really impose my schedule on everyone like that.”

“Yes, you can. You work just as much as everyone in the garage, and if you tell Clint and Thor that you need the weekend off, then they’ll give you the weekend off. This is a really bad excuse.”

“It’s not an excuse, I just don’t want to bother them again-”

“And yet you are going to!” Becca answered, “Because if you don’t, then Mom and Dad are ready to come to YOUR apartment to see you, or even go see you at work, because they miss you, and we live in the same fucking city, so it’s not like it’s even a long trip to come there to see your family. And really? You haven’t introduced us to your boyfriend yet?”

“You all know Steve, Becca.”

“Yeah, but we don’t know him _as your boyfriend,_ and Mom and Dad want to get properly introduced.”

“Properly introduced? What am I going to say? Hi Mom and Dad, here’s my boyfriend Steve that you know since he’s five fucking years old, I hope you approve of him?”

“Yeah, exactly, that’s what you’re going to do.”

“He’s been my best friend _forever._ He knows Mom and Dad as well as he knows me.”

“Well,” Becca teased, “not _as well,_ obviously, or that’d be weird.”

“Becca!” Bucky groaned. “You really are an annoying piece of shit, you know?”

“And yet you love me.”

“That’s still to prove.”

“Just come home, have dinner with your goddamn parents, introduce them to your boyfriend, stay the night if you want and then come back to do whatever you want to do. It’s not a fucking chore, Bucky.”

Bucky sighed. “Alright. Lemme just check- that’s Steve available too.”

Bucky moved to the kitchen, where Steve had written on a post-it his schedule for the week. The post-it was stuck to the fridge, next to a drawing Becca had made of Bucky when she was four years old that Bucky refused to take down so he could tease her about it every time she came to his place.

“Yeah, he’s got nothing planned. We’ll be there, Becca. Happy?”

“Wait”, Becca answered. “Do you have Steve’s schedule on you? Like, do you write little notes to each other so you can _coordinate_ your days?”

Bucky blushed. “It’s just easier, alright? Since we both have eclectic hours-”

“Awwww, Buck! And where it is? Is it on your nightstand? Do you draw little hearts around it?”

“It’s in the kitchen, stop annoying me.”

“On the fridge?”

“On the fridge.” Bucky blushed harder.

“Aww! Bucky! That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. You guys already are a married couple, that’s incredible. I expect a wedding invitation soon, even Mom and Dad aren’t as sappy.”

“Stop it!”

“I’ll see you on the weekend, bye!” Becca said quickly and hung up.

Bucky shook his head. Now he’d have to deal with lying to his parents’ face for a whole weekend. He had never been a great liar. But he couldn’t talk to Steve about it, because – the truth was, they had not talked about the _fake_ aspect of their relationship for a while, and Bucky was so desperate to believe it was real that he just didn’t want to ask Steve about it and risk breaking the spell.

It was going to be a hell of a weekend.

** 

It _was_ a hell of a weekend. They arrived on Saturday evening – Bucky had worked full shift to catch up on the work he hadn’t done when he was in vacation, and his parents greeted them at the door. Bucky was embarrassed, but Steve was a nervous mess.

“It’s not like you haven’t met my parents before,” Bucky had pointed out when they were getting ready.

“I’ve never lied to your parents.”

“Of course you have. Remember when you got into a fight with Bart in 8th grade and we said you had fallen in the stairs because they were always so worried?”

“I’ve never lied about something _important,_ you know that’s what I meant,” Steve answered, rolling his eyes.

Bucky laughed and patted him on the shoulder. “It’s going to be just fine. My parents are oblivious as hell. Watch out for Becca, though. She’s a smart piece of shit.”

“Always so full of love for her, I see.”

“Eh, she deserves all she’s getting”

To be perfectly honest, when finally facing his parents, Bucky wasn’t feeling so confident anymore. They had been able to fool everyone – almost everyone – they knew for months now, but it was his _parents._ No one knew him more than his parents. No one could read through his lies better than his parents – except for Wanda. But it was Wanda. She didn’t count. And Sam. And Steve, occasionally. OK, all things considered, many people were able to read through Bucky’s lies. Maybe he was just a shitty liar.

“Hello Mom, Hello Dad,” Bucky said.

“Bucky!” His mother said and went to hug him. Then she moved out of the doorway to let them in.

“And Steve! Hello Steve!” His mom said as though she hadn't seen him in years.

“Hello Winnifred,” Steve said, shifting from one foot to the other. 

Bucky rolled his eyes. Steve had known the Barnes family since he was five years old, and there he was, acting as the nervous new boyfriend who feared that Bucky’s parents wouldn't accept him. As if Bucky's parents didn't love Steve almost as much as they loved their own children. 

“Come on children, come inside,” Bucky's dad suggested from the hall he was still standing in. The boys followed after Bucky's mother when she finally went to join her husband. 

George Barnes was tall and impressive, but he was also very prone to bad puns and had a bad singing voice – things that Steve had learned over time and that made him somewhat less intimidating. 

“Steve Rogers,” he said after he had hugged his son, eyeing Steve from head to toes. “So now you're dating my son.”

Steve fought not to look down. “I am, sir.”

Winnifred laughed behind them, and Bucky buried his face in his hands.

“Sir?” George asked.

Steve had never called Bucky's dad sir. When he had met him, he had been too young to know how to address adults properly – and then when he had grown up, he had been too familiar with him to distance himself like that. Steve had lost his dad very young and George had more or less played the role of adoptive dad for Steve.

“I-” Steve started, not knowing how to justify his sudden nervousness. But then someone laughed behind them, and they turned around to see Becca standing in the living room. 

“Steve, you’re as read as a tomato,” she said matter-of-factly. Bucky’s brow furrowed.

“Becca!”

“Oh hello mister Bucky,” she answered, “I can’t believe you actually decided to come and see us! I thought you were dead.”

He rolled his eyes. “We talked on the phone three days ago.”

“Dead, I said.”

“Boys,” Winnifred declared, “let’s move it to the living room, alright?”

They all went into the living room. Becca immediately plopped into the couch, and Bucky followed her, wrestling her for the emplacement even though there was lot of room on her left. Finally, they managed to settle down, and Bucky took Steve’s hand to suggest him to sit with them. He was just there, standing awkwardly like he had never seen their apartment. Finally, he sat down next to Bucky. 

“So, how have you been doing, boys?” Bucky’s mother asked when she had found her place in the armchair. 

“Good, we’ve been good”, Bucky answered.

“Congratulations on the movie, Steve. We haven’t gotten around to seeing it yet, but we intend on doing it soon,” George said.

Steve smiled politely. “Thank you.”

“Aw, Steve, don’t be so shy”, Becca stepped in.

“Becca, please,” Bucky whined. 

“Stop bothering Steve,” Winnifred said to Becca. “George’s right,” she continues, turning to Steve. “We're really excited to see it. We've heard nothing but good reviews.”

“And it's always something to see you on the big screen, right? That's little Stevie here!” George declared. He was probably teasing too – Steve had not been little for a long time, but it broke the tension in the atmosphere and Steve laughed.

“I hope you like it, then,” Steve said.

Becca yawned loudly. Everyone turned to her.

“When do we eat?” She asks, looking bored.

“We eat when dinner's ready,” Winnifred answered. “There's chicken in the oven,” she explained to the boys. “But Becca's right, let's go to the table, alright?” 

They rose from their seats to move to the big dining table in the other side of the room. Steve and Bucky sat next to each other, and Steve brushed Bucky’s shoulder fondly before he sat down. And if Bucky's heart skipped a bit at that, well, that was nobody's business.

“We have to admit,” George said when he was settled, “that we were surprised when we learned that you were together, you know.” 

Steve instantly blushed again, and looked down. Bucky, though, tried to hold his father's gaze, even though he wanted nothing more than for the ground to open up below him and swallow him down.

“Well, we are,” he said instead.

“I mean, you're good for each other, but we had lost hope for the both of you finally doing something about it, you know?”

Steve coughed over the glass of water he had been drinking. Bucky's eyes widened, but then he finally managed to get his face under control again.

“Oh, really?” His voice was weak, and Steve was kind of dying next to him, but his parents didn't seem phased by their reactions.

“And we kind of hoped you'd let us know before you let the press know, but that's a detail,” Winnifred said. 

“I’m so sorry Mom”, Bucky said in a weak voice. 

“Ah, it’s alright,” she answered. It wasn’t. It wasn’t because Bucky was not saying the truth, and his mother would be hurt if she ever knew it. Bucky didn’t dare looking at her in the eyes. Next to him, Steve seemed as uncomfortable as him. Bucky hoped his parents would put that on the account of them feeling bad for not telling them about their relationship.

“I get it, you needed some privacy before you told everyone about your relationship. I guess you hadn’t planned for the paparazzi to be here.”

“No we hadn’t,” Steve answered. “When we were in Coney Island we- we thought no one would see.” Then he paused. “We didn’t think at all, actually.”

And that was the truth. That had been their mistake since the first moment. They hadn’t thought when they had kissed in Coney Island, they hadn’t thought then they made the choice to pretend to date each other, they hadn’t thought that at some point they’d have to sit in front of some of the people they cared the most about and lie about something that was obviously _important._

“Well, it was not their business, anyway, and I don’t understand why people care about people’s lives like that,” George said, lightening the mood. “Like, who cares who you want to kiss? It won’t change how you act!”

“You’re so pure, Dad,” Becca answered.

Bucky smiled. 

The rest of the evening went more smoothly. Becca spent the entire dinner telling them everything about college, then the adults talked about work and she rolled her eyes, pretending that they bored her. Winnifred and George told them about the plans they were making for the summer holidays – they wanted to spend a week in Canada, just the two of them, and Bucky was glad his parents were taking time for themselves too. 

After dinner was over, they settled into the couch again to watch a movie together. They scrolled through Netflix for a few minutes before Becca convinced everyone to watch V for Vendetta again. (“You’ve seen it a thousand times!” Their mother had said. “Then let’s make it a thousand a one!” She had answered).

Sometime into the movie, Steve had thrown his arm other Bucky’s shoulder, bringing him closer. Bucky had burrowed himself against Steve’s body, comforted by his body heat and reassuring presence. In a way, it reminded him that it was going to be okay. Even though they had made mistakes, and their mistakes had led them into lying to the people their cared about, they still had each other.

Bucky would rather die than lose that.

And if he kind of dozed off on Steve’s shoulder and woke up when the movie ended, well, it wasn’t his fault. Steve was just too comfy. 

**

They decided to stay the night. They’d leave early in the afternoon the next day, but they were both too tired to come back, and Bucky was actually very glad to have some time to spend with his family. He wouldn’t say that he had been neglecting them, but maybe he hadn’t been as close to them as he would have wanted to recently. He’d had a lot on his mind, with his relationship with Steve, his vacation in Europe, and work going from very light to very intense in a short span of time. But his family deserved some of his time, and Becca had been right to insist he came.

When everyone got tired and Bucky was threatening to fall asleep on Steve's shoulder again – not that Steve would have minded, but he didn't say it – they decided to go to bed. Most of the time, when Steve and Bucky came over to Bucky's parents’ place, they used to add a mattress on the ground of Bucky's bedroom, like when they were teens, or Steve would sleep on the couch. Now it didn't seem to be an option anymore and Bucky's parents didn't even mention it – after all, they thought that Steve and Bucky were two grown up men in a relationship, so they didn't need to be separated when they slept.

Which meant that some bedsharing was about to happen. Again.

It didn’t bother them as much as it should have. They went to Bucky’s room without asking questions, and took their usual place in the bed, the one they had chosen that first night in Paris. It was totally normal for best friends to have bedsharing habits. There was nothing weird here. And then they immediately god closer in the bed, and Steve took Bucky under his arm, and maybe Bucky buried his head in Steve’s neck. But it was also a hundred percent platonic. Right?

Because if Steve started to believe that it was not normal, then he’d have to analyze every single interaction they’d had in the past days, in the past weeks, in this new light, and he couldn’t allow himself to do that, he couldn’t allow himself to hope. 

It was just wishful thinking. He had been in love with Bucky for too long, and Bucky had pretended to date him for too long already, and now he was confusing his dreams with reality. He was projecting on Bucky, that was the only possibility. He was not faking his love and therefore when he saw the same kind of behavior on Bucky he thought that he was not faking either – but Bucky was probably just a better liar than he was.

At some point before Steve fell asleep, Bucky drifted even closer to him and he brought his leg on top of Steve’s, and Steve couldn’t stop himself from putting an arm around his back – to support him or to bring him closer, no one would know anyway. And when Bucky nested himself with his head in the crook of Steve’s shoulder, and Steve just had to put a kiss on top of his head, then at least, Bucky hadn’t been awake, so maybe it was better than if he had done it during the day and embarrassed himself. He fell asleep feeling warmer than he had in the whole week since they had come home from Europe.

He wouldn’t admit that he had gotten used to sleeping with Bucky against him. He wasn’t that vain.

Maybe he was.

**

The next morning, Steve woke up earlier than Bucky. Bucky had fallen back on the bed with his head on the pillow, and only his arm across Steve’s chest, and he was just so pretty like that, Steve knew that if he stayed in bed for too long, he’d do something stupid like hold his hand or kiss him awake, and he couldn’t let that happen, so he got out of bed.

In the living room, Becca was warming herself with her coffee, looking half asleep, while Bucky’s mother was mopping the floor – already active that early in the morning, it really did look like her. Becca waved at Steve when she saw him, and he waved back. That caught Winnifred’s attention, and she turned to him.

“Oh, Steve honey! You’re already awake. Did you sleep well?”

“I did, thank you,” Steve answered, still a little bit more uncomfortable around Bucky’s family than he used to be – before they decided to pretend to be dating.

“Is Bucky still asleep?” She asked.

“Yeah, he needed the sleep, I think. He’s been working a lot.”

“He’s always working a lot. It was good for him, going on a vacation, you know? It’s good that you made him do that. He needs to take time for himself, sometimes.”

Steve nodded, and made his way to the coffee machine. He poured himself a hot cup of coffee then went to settle down next to Becca. Winnifred decided to put the broom away and sit down next to them.

“So, you guys are really cute together,” Winnifred declared out of nothing, when he had been lost in the contemplation of his coffee for several seconds. 

“Uh, thanks,” he answered.

Then Bucky entered the room.

“Morning everyone,” he said, and then he came to kiss Steve on the forehead before he plopped down on the chair next to him. Steve couldn’t fight the blush spreading on his cheeks, so he took a sip on his coffee instead, trying to hide it from Bucky’s mom, but he didn’t miss the skeptical look she sent him. Oh god, he hoped he hadn’t revealed their lie. Winnifred said nothing.

Later in the morning they went to retrieve the things they had brought to spend the night in their room, and then came to say goodbye to Bucky’s parents. Winnifred tried to insist they stayed for lunch, but Bucky said they had some cleaning to do over the apartment this afternoon, and he was not wrong. But Steve knew it was also because Bucky was feeling uncomfortable with the lie around his parents, and Steve felt guilty about it.

He tended to forget that they were doing all of this for him. Sure, the fans loved their relationship and to be honest, the interest they had for them didn’t seem to falter even after several months, which was both a curse and a blessing. But Steve wondered sometimes if it was worth it – worth making Bucky pretend something he didn’t mean at all.

Maybe it was time they stopped. Maybe they shouldn’t have started it in the first place.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Bucky said before they had to leave for real. Once again, Steve found himself alone in a room with Bucky’s parents and Becca, which was not as entertaining as it could have been.

“So,” Winnifred said when Bucky was out of earshot. Steve felt dread settling in his stomach. “It actually came as quite a surprise when we learned that the both of you were together. Not that you'd date, but that you'd do it so fast. You know, since we knew you were in love with each other since at least highschool, we would have expected something less sudden.”

Steve froze. “Uh,” he said. “I don't think Bucky was in love with me in highschool.” He didn't think Bucky was in love with him now either, but he didn't say it.

Winnifred waved at nothing. “Well I don't know anything for sure, of course. But you know, it's good that you finally did something about the insufferable romantic tension that there was between you two.”

Steve tried not to blush. Winnifred continued. “It would have been such a shame if you had kept pretending not to have feelings for the other, you know? These things are better when they're out. After all, you really are cute together. No one could fake this kind of love, am I right?”

Steve didn't know what to answer, or whether he should answer at all. There was something malicious in the corner of Winnifred's eye, and Steve realized suddenly that she had seen through their lie.

Of course she had. And now she was making fun of Steve, because she knew her son would never really fall in love with him.

“You understand, right? It’s good that you finally told each other what you were feeling, instead of pining for each other any longer. You deserve to be happy together. I didn’t ask Bucky, but who was finally the bravest?”

Steve’s brain needed a second to catch up with what she was saying. “He was,” he said finally.

“Hmm,” she answered. “Then if he was. But I’m sure you’d have finally done something too, right? You wouldn’t have spent your whole life pretending to be OK with being just his friend, am I right?”

“Uh, yeah, of course,” he said, but it sounded like a question.

Winnifred smiled. “Anyway. I’m just so happy you are together. As I said, I think you are great for each other. It was only a matter of time, anyway.”

Then Becca got out of her chair to stand next to her mother, and she patted Steve’s shoulder, but there was something predatory in her eyes. Steve tried to make himself smaller, but it didn’t work.

“I hope you know that if you hurt Bucky,” she said, and then she paused, “or, say, don’t find the courage to make the choices that will make the both of you happy – then I’ll hurt you too, Rogers.” She smiled. “Understood?”

Steve swallowed. “Understood.”

It was the moment Bucky chose to come back to the living room.

“So, are we going or what?” He said. 

Winnifred gave Steve one last smile, and to Bucky’s eye it probably meant nothing, but Steve could see in the way she looked at him that she was trying to send him a last message – her look meant: you are not allowed to fuck this up.

“We’re going,” Steve answered, and smiled back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience while waiting for this chapter! The next one will be in another two weeks, I’m sorry that I can’t update as often as I used to. I’ll try to go back to my usual rhythm in December but I can’t promise anything – I actually had to give up Nanowrimo bc of uni work ://   
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter at least! Bucky’s parents definitely are onto something… Are you impatient to know what Steve is going to do about it?  
> I’m on tumblr! You can find me at @jeeanmoreau , feel free to message me about anything or send me asks about the fic!


	11. Chapter 11

No one could deny that something new had bloomed between them – during their time in Europe, first, and even more during this short weekend they had spent with Bucky’s family. Sometime recently, they had both, in their own way, decided to stop trying to fight it. They wanted to be close, they wanted to spend time with each other, they had found a new form of intimacy, and maybe it wasn’t so bad.

Steve had been thinking, over and over, about what Bucky’s mother had told him. Sure, she had never explicitly mentioned that she knew they weren’t really together. But she had made it clear enough, and even Steve had understood it. But it didn’t mean that he had understood everything she had said. She had been so sure that Bucky was in love with him, and Steve didn’t know if it was because she was trying to play along with their lie, or because she really thought he was…

Less than a week ago, Steve wouldn’t have allowed himself to hope. But he saw things in Bucky’s behavior that weren’t here before. Like the way he’d lean into him on the couch when they were watching a movie, as if they were still on a date with journalists hidden in the room, and not in their own home.

Maybe there was something changing between them. Maybe friendship had, over time, become a very weak word to describe their relationship. And even Steve wasn't that dense that he didn't notice when Bucky looked at him a little longer than he used to when he thought Steve was looking elsewhere. So he allowed himself to do the same, and Bucky neither didn't notice – the way he didn't try to conceal his fond looks anymore, his love – or it didn't bother him, or, or, or, and that was something Steve was slowly learning to imagine, or he returned these affections and maybe he was just as stubborn and self-sacrificial as Steve…

There were other things, too. Like when Steve had slipped during one of their conversations and used one of the pet names they used during the outings, when Bucky accompanied him to social events. It had been unintentional but Steve knew Bucky had heard it, and he had expected him to tease him about it, but it hadn't happened.

“Buck, can you give me the cup that's on the nightstand?” Steve had asked when he was doing the dishes, and when Bucky had brought him the cup, it had just left his mouth before he could think about it: “Thanks, babe,” he had said, then froze.

Bucky had looked at him for a split second, and the cup was still there in Steve's hand, and neither of them had moved.

“Uh,” Steve had said, and he lowered his hand. “Sorry. Thanks.”

Bucky didn't answer but he blushed furiously and looked away. Even hours after it had happened, Steve didn't know how to interpret Bucky's behavior. Had he been embarrassed because he was uncomfortable with the nickname? Or was it the contrary? Bucky could have made fun of Steve's slip if he had wanted to lighten the mood, he could have gotten angry that their lie was catching up with their private time too – but he hadn't. 

So maybe Winnifred was not a hundred percent wrong. Maybe there _was_ something more happening.

But what if it was not the case? Steve dreamed of being able to make a move on Bucky, kiss him, confess his love, hell, he'd get on one knee and propose without hesitating if he felt like there was a chance Bucky would say yes. He wanted to date Bucky for real, he wanted to kiss him till they were both out of breath, he wanted to wake up next to him in the morning.

But what if he was reading the situation wrong? What if it was just a new stage to their friendship, or maybe a collateral damage of their lie? What if he tried to kiss Bucky and Bucky pushed him away? What if Bucky decided that he couldn't stay friends with Steve if Steve's feelings weren't platonic?

(But what if he was reading it right?)

**

Steve decided not to think about it anymore, and Bucky did the same. Sure, he had been surprised at Steve’s use of a pet name in private, but then he had just realized that Steve had probably gotten used to using them, and now it transpired in their everyday life. Which was a thing that should bother him way more, but it didn’t, and Steve never talked about it, so Bucky guessed it didn’t bother him that much either.

Steve didn’t seem bothered by their intimacy either, so Bucky decided to bask in it, because it made him feel whole in a way he hadn’t felt before, like finally everything was falling into place, because he belonged there, by Steve’s side, and it was _right._ And maybe that was stupid, and maybe that was vain, but he was in love and maybe, just maybe, Steve was allowing him to be.

One day after dinner, Bucky who had gotten tired after a long day of work was watching Steve as he cleared the table. Steve was always so helpful, and he had taken one look at Bucky’s tired face before he told him to sit down and get some rest, and Bucky loved him so much he didn’t even have words to express it properly.

Instead of doing that, he had raised from his chair to help Steve with the dishes. But instead of being really helpful, he mostly admired the man he loved from behind (nothing inappropriate there, he was not admiring his ass – he wasn’t a creep. And he’d had many opportunities to admire Steve’s ass in the past already, they were roommates, after all). He loved the way Steve moved around the room, with grace but also with caution, as if he didn’t want to disturb the natural state of the room, as if he didn’t want to take too much space… though he could not really help that, since he was, well, huge, really. 

Then Bucky got tired of seeing and not touching, and he was stupid but also he was kind of allowed to be, so he moved to Steve’s space, and draped himself over his back while Steve was scratching at the bottom of a large pan. When had they even used a large pan? It was not like they cooked much, really. Steve tensed for a split second, then resumed his action, sighing. 

“Hey Stevie,” Bucky said from where he was laying. He had his chin on Steve’s shoulder and Steve could feel his breath on his neck.

“Hey Buck,” Steve answered, and Bucky could hear the smile in his voice even if he couldn’t see his face properly, so he figured he hadn’t overstepped.

“I'm tired,” Bucky said, because it was true, but it also felt like an excuse to why he was laying on Steve, and Bucky needed this excuse, this security of being able to pretend- that it was not real, that nothing had changed.

“You should go lay down,” Steve answered. “You get some rest, take a nap on the couch, I'll bring you a mug of herbal tea when you wake up, then we can watch something together. Is that alright?”

Bucky hummed, still tucked in Steve's shoulder.

“What was that?” Steve asked.

“Yeah, alright,” Bucky said. “But you feel comfy. I don't wanna leave.”

Steve laughed, and it resonated into Bucky's chest. 

“You don't have to, pal, but if you stay here you're gonna have to help me but the dishes into the dishwater, then mop the floor, then do the laundry…”

“Uuuuuuh,” Bucky answered, and moved away from Steve's back. “You win. I'm gonna take a nap.”

“Alright. When do I wake you up?”

“Never. Leave me to sleep forever like Sleeping Beauty in her castle. In a hundred years, maybe…”

“OK, sure, then I hope you enjoyed your meal since it was the last one you'll ever eat…”

“OK OK changed my mind,” Bucky answered, “sleep is good but so is eating. Wake me up in… I don't know. An hour?”

“Alright,” Steve said softly, while Bucky shuffled away to lie down on the couch instead.

He faceplanted into the cushion, but instead of falling asleep immediately as he thought he would, he listened to Steve moving around the living room. Sharing a place with his best friend and long-time unrequited love was both a blessing and a curse. It was good to have as much time with Steve as he could. He never had to find excuses to hang out with him, he never missed him since they spent all their time together, he could know him in his everyday life, know what he looked like when he just woke up, when he was crying in front of a cheesy romantic movie, when he came back from his morning run, when he got out of the shower (oh god, when he got out of the shower…)

But it also meant that he could never get away from his feelings. He was with Steve all the time so he had a constant reminder of what he felt, of how in love he was. It was a constant ache in his chest, the sweet taste of love threatened by a bitter edge of frustration, of longing. He would never get over Steve, because his whole life had been built around him.

“You're not sleeping?” Steve asked when he finally saw that Bucky was looking at him. Bucky shook his head weakly, and Steve came to sit next to him – he moved Bucky's feet away and put them in his lap, and Bucky was feeling too warm and in love to protest.

“What are you thinking about?” Steve asked. 

“Nothing. ‘M just too tired to sleep.”

“That's… OK, if you say so.” He looked at Bucky who didn't seem to want to close his eyes. “Wanna watch a movie?” 

Bucky nodded, and moved to a sitting position, still covered in the blanket.

“Give me a piece of that,” Steve said, tugging at it, and Bucky reluctantly let him cover himself with the blanket. Then, just because he could, he moved closer to Steve until their sides were touching, and then closer again so they were outright cuddling. Steve put his arm around Bucky’s shoulders.

“Wanna catch up on How to get away with murder?” Steve suggested, and Bucky grinned as an answer.

Steve put the show on, and instantly got caught in the plot. But Bucky was suddenly feeling tired again, and he could feel himself drifting off to sleep. There, by Steve's side, he was at home, he was where he belonged. Steve gave him a feeling of safety he didn't even know he needed.

**

When Bucky woke up, the first thing he notices was the hand in his hair. He opened his eyes to see Steve looking at him with a tender smile on his lips, and Bucky didn’t fight the urge to smile back at him. Steve was slowly carding his fingers in his hair, and Bucky hummed from where he was resting against him.

“You haven’t seen any of it, right?” Steve asked, still smiling.

Bucky shook his head, and Steve laughed.

“Come on, pal, let’s get you to bed. You’re falling asleep on me again. I should really talk to Clint and Thor one day, you really work too much.”

“No I don’t,” Bucky said. He did, actually, he knew it, but Thor and Clint did too, so it was not their fault. Maybe Steve was right and they should try to hire someone new. Maybe working at all was already working too much, who knew.

Steve rose from the couch and Bucky followed him. He took the blanket and put it on his shoulder, carrying it with him to his bedroom. When Steve noticed, he gave a short laugh and rolled his eyes fondly.

“You have a blanket in your own room, you know,” he said.

“I like this one,” Bucky answered. _It smells like you,_ he didn’t say.

“Alright,” Steve said, and then he didn’t add anything, just went straight to Bucky’s room. When Bucky climbed into the bed, he looked at Steve for a second before he made a face – his best puppy eyes, to be honest. 

“Take a nap with me, Stevie,” he said, because he had no self control.

Steve looked taken aback for a split second, and Bucky wondered if he had crossed a line, but then his face softened and he smiled at Bucky. 

“OK,” he said, and went on the other side to lay down next to Bucky.

When they were both tucked under the blanket, Bucky instantly moved into Steve’s space, his head over Steve’s chest. He could hear his heartbeat; albeit faintly, and the thought of being that close to Steve warmed his heart. 

“Your parents were weird with me this weekend,” Steve said once they were both settled. Bucky grimaced again. 

“They’re always weird,” he said.

“No, I mean, they were really weird. I think they knew something was up.”

“Uhhhhhh,” Bucky whined, because he didn’t want to think about his parents finding out about their lie. He knew his parents knew about his feelings for Steve. They’d pity him, how desperate he was to get something from Steve – even as a lie.

He also didn’t want to think about how his relationship with Steve was a lie. 

“Are you afraid they’ll find out?” Steve asked, and Bucky buried himself in his chest.

Steve laughed, and it reverberated into Bucky’s body too.

“I’m sure they have already. I don’t know how to lie,” Bucky answered. _I’m not lying when I say that I’m in love with you,_ he wanted to say, but he didn’t. 

“They teased me about it too. Exaggerated things, made up stories. They told me you’d been in love with me for a while.” Bucky froze. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no, they had done just what Bucky should have expected for them to do – just what Bucky had been praying they didn’t do.

“Uh,” he answered, because he was stupid.

“So I don’t know if they wanted to make fun of me, or make me realize that they had found out we were lying – anyway I didn’t know what to answer,” Steve continued, oblivious to Bucky’s internal turmoil. “Maybe I should have apologized for lying? But also maybe I’m just freaking out and you’re just a better liar than I am-”

“Steve,” Bucky interrupted. Steve looked down. “Let’s go the fuck to sleep.”

Was Steve about to find out that Bucky’s parents were not lying, and that Bucky had been in love with him since they were teens? It was a problem for future Bucky to deal with, anyway.

**

When they woke up in the morning, still cuddled together, they both had the same reaction. Instead of screaming internally, they decided to scream externally – precisely, to scream at their best friend. Which led to an impromptu coffee meet-up for Sam and Bucky, and Steve calling Natasha, freaking out.

“Steve,” she said. “You're so fucking stupid.” She was right. They probably didn't agree on why, but they did agree on something: this situation could not last. Steve and Bucky were stuck in a place where their friendship was suffering from their lie – because they didn't know how to behave around each other anymore, they didn't know how to be just friends, and since they were not really lovers, they were stuck in this middle ground that didn't make any of them happy.

“Yeah,” he answered, and Natasha sighed.

In the coffee shop across the street, there was another man sighing at the stupidity of his best friend. Bucky was frantically stirring his coffee with his spoon.

“But what do I do, Sam?” He asked with a desperate tone in his voice. “I can't get back to what it was before. I've gotten used to it now!”

“Who said you had to go back?” Sam answered.

“Common sense? Probably my parents, implicitly?”

“No they didn't. They told Steve the truth, and he didn't freak out.”

Bucky buried his head in his hands. “It's because he thinks they were teasing him!”

In the meantime, in their apartment, a similar discussion was taking place.

“Maybe they weren't teasing you, Steve, did you think about that?” Natasha asked. “Maybe they said the truth?”

“Don't say stupid things. I would have known if Bucky had been in love with me for so long.”

Natasha raised an eyebrow.

“I would have known,” Steve repeated. 

“Yeah, sure.”

“I would have! I know him very well, you know.”

“And he knows you well too, yet he hasn’t noticed that you were in love with him, has he?”

“I'm sure he'll hate me if he finds out they said the truth,” Bucky whined to Sam in the coffee shop.

“No he won't,” Sam answered, “because I have eyes and I am not as dumb as you, and I know he'll love you just right back.”

“Why do you keep saying that!” Bucky cried. “You have no idea, you've seen him twice in the last month!”

“And yet it was enough to realize he loved you.”

“He was faking it! He's an actor. He's good at lying.”

“He's good at playing a role. But he wasn't doing that. He was just being Steve.” He paused. “Also Wanda agrees with me so it's a good authority to consider too.”

Bucky whined. He was right – Wanda was almost never wrong. But Bucky couldn't imagine Steve being in love with him. Well, he could. He had, many times, over the last eight years or so. He just couldn't believe that it was real.

Maybe it was just one of the very rare occurrences of Wanda being wrong about something.

A notification popped up on Bucky’s phone. He frowned. It was a text from Wanda.

 **WANDA**  
Whatever Sam’s telling you right now, he’s right

“What the fuck?” Bucky exclaimed. “How does she do that?”

Sam looked at the text Bucky was showing him, then shrugged.

“Are you texting her right now?” Bucky asked. Sam shook his head.

“I swear I’m not. It’s just Wanda.”

Bucky sighed. Wanda sure was a particular child. 

“Bucky, I’m not asking you to propose right now. Just talk to him. You know you need to do it. He’s your best friend, for fuck’s sake. Would you be happy if you learned that he has kept something from you for so long? Especially something that made him sad?”

Bucky shook his head.

“Go talk to him. Stop being a child. Whatever comes out of it, it will be what’s meant to be.”

Bucky groaned one last time, for good measure. But he knew that this time he couldn’t avoid it anymore. He had to tell Steve the truth.

“I’ll tell him the truth,” Steve told Natasha on the phone. He couldn’t see the face she made, but he knew it was what she wanted to hear him say.

“Will you?” She answered.

Steve nodded, then remembered she couldn’t see him.

“Yeah. I think you’re right. After all, he’s my best friend. I can’t avoid him forever. I feel like we’re drifting apart. We don’t talk anymore, not like we used to. Secrets are bad for relationships.”

“Yes, they are. And I’m sure something good is gonna come from it, you know? I’m sure you won’t regret it.”

Steve shrugged. “If you say so,” he answered.

He was not very convinced, but he had made up his mind. 

**

It was very easy to say that they were going to talk about it. It was not easy to do it. The next day seemed for both of them like a succession of missed opportunities. They could have told each other at breakfast – but it had seemed like too much of a peaceful moment to disrupt it with such a serious subject. 

They could have talked about it before Bucky went to work, when he lingered in the doorframe for one minute longer – he could have texted Clint, told him he’d be late, no one would have really cared, he could have told Steve he needed to talk -

He could have called him during lunch, instead of doing it face to face. “Hey Steve, I need to talk to you about something,” he would have said, or maybe “Steve, I’m not sure I can pretend anymore, because I love you for real,” or, or – but he didn’t. 

And Steve, oh, he almost did it – he called him, when his day was almost over. He wanted to get it out of his chest, he had been restless the whole day, cleaning the kitchen counter over and over again even though it was spotless now, starting three different TV shows on Netflix without being able to go through a single entire episode. But when he had found himself on the phone with Bucky, he hadn’t been able to say anything – he just asked him to drop by the grocery shop on his way back from work to pick up some milk.

What actually happened, none of them could have planned it.

Here’s how it went.

It was half past seven and Bucky had just come home. He put the milk on the counter top, and turned to help Steve with whatever he was cooking – which happened to be tomato sauce, apparently. It smelled like heaven and Bucky made a mental note to ask Sam if he had been giving Steve cooking lessons recently. 

Bucky knew he had to say something to Steve, now, otherwise he would never do it. “Hey, Steve, I gotta talk to you,” he would say, and everything would be fine. They would sit down to talk, and Bucky would confess, and Steve would pat him on the shoulder, say he’s sorry, but they can still be friends, and Bucky would maybe, finally, be allowed to move on – or to choose not to.

It didn’t happen this way.

It didn’t happen this way because everything flung out of their control in just one second, when Steve turned to greet Bucky and by doing so he accidentally smudged some sauce on the tip of his nose. Bucky smiled, and moved to wipe it off, and he touched Steve’s face and suddenly they were closer than they were one second before, and looking right into each other’s eyes.

Bucky’s mouth fell open. You could almost hear both their hearts trying to beat out of their chests. 

Steve moved closer. Bucky could feel his breath on his cheeks, on the bridge of his nose, and Steve’s eyelashes brushed Bucky’s eyelids and _oh. Oh._

Their lips touched, and suddenly they were kissing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA HA!!!  
> I hope it was worth waiting for this chapter!!  
> Still no communication….. But at least some action’s happening! Next chapter is the last one, but there will be an epilogue just after that. Are you excited for the resolution? Are they finally about to stop being dumbasses like they’ve been throughout the whole story?  
> Next update will be in two weeks, because I’m still about to die due to homework.  
> I’m on tumblr!! Follow me at @jeeanmoreau and feel free to ask me stuff about my fic or yell about stevebucky with me!


	12. Chapter 12

They had kissed before, of course they had kissed – it had been part of their lie for a while now, but nothing could compare to how it felt now. It was new and familiar at the same time – it felt like coming home, it felt like their skin on fire, it felt like the world shaking and settling down at the same time. They kissed like they had nothing to lose, like they had been waiting for it their whole lives – and maybe they had, they had been waiting for each other and maybe it was just everything that was meant to be happening in that moment.

And then the kiss was over, and Steve stepped away from Bucky. They looked straight into each other’s eyes, not knowing what to say anymore, not knowing what to do. They were in love and stupid and Steve just sputtered a desperate “sorry, I’m so sorry,” before he disappeared through the door. 

Suddenly Bucky was alone, standing there in the kitchen, while the door closed behind Steve. He gaped, and then his whole world shattered. _Of course._ He had fucked everything up.

**

Steve was scared, Steve was terrified. He had crossed a line, and Bucky would never talk to him again, and he was a coward so he had fled instead of apologizing, and then he was pounding at Nat’s door, thankful that for once, paparazzi hadn’t followed him. 

When Natasha opened the door, she took one look at his face and hurried him inside.

“What happened?” She asked with pity in her eyes – as if she knew what Steve had done, how he had fucked everything up and ruined the most important relationship of his life.

“I kissed him,” Steve answered.

“Oh, Steve,” Natasha said, before she took him in her arms. “What did he say?”

Steve swallowed. “Nothing.”

Natasha stepped away and frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I kissed him, and then I- I left?”

Natasha’s expression changed quickly after that: in the span of just a few seconds, she went from pity to surprise, disappointment, and then settled on anger. And seeing Natasha angry was _not_ something anyone would want to see in their life.

“You what?” She asked, but Steve knew she had heard him, so he didn’t repeat himself. He just looked down at the ground, not daring to cross her eyes.

“Are you telling me that instead of talking to Bucky, you just kissed him and without giving him the chance to react, you _fled_ to my home?”

Steve nodded weakly.

“Steven Grant Rogers,” Natasha said. “You are the stupidest person I’ve ever seen in my life, and I’m very, very disappointed in you right now.” 

Steve didn’t look at her. She sounded like his mom, but he also felt too bad to resent her.

“You left without even waiting to see if he was about to react badly?”

“He was, I know he was-”

“Did he push you away?” 

Steve shook his head.

“Did he get angry? Did he even say anything?”

Steve shook his head.

“Did you at least see his face when you left?”

Steve shook his head. Natasha groaned. She sounded way less teasing than she had sounded on the phone the day before. Probably because Steve hadn't screwed anything up yet by then. 

“I didn't want- I fucked everything up, Nat. I didn't want to see him-”

“Yeah you did!” Nat exclaimed.

Steve was taken aback by the tone of her voice. He had never heard her speak like that – she was usually the quiet kind of scary. There was nothing quiet in her now – she was fuming.

“You screwed up when you left, Steve! You acted like a child and you’re refusing to take responsibility for your actions, and then you come here and you think I'm gonna pat you on the shoulder and let you crash on my couch? You're fucking wrong if that's what you think. I'm done babying you. It was cute when you were just being dumb without seeing what was obviously there between the both of you, but you need to stop hiding now. You're hurting people. You're hurting Bucky by sending him mixed signals, you're hurting yourself because you keep denying yourself the one good thing you need, and you're hurting me because you're constantly getting on my fucking nerves!”

“Natasha, I-” Steve tried to answer.

“No, no more excuses. I’m telling you what you’re about to do. You’re about to stand up for yourself, and have some dignity. You’re going to come back to your place and have a fucking conversation with Bucky. And whatever comes out of it, it’ll be the right thing. Because even if, even in the very slight possibility that he doesn’t like you back – hiding will do you no good. Hiding will very much not make him forgive you. You need to talk about what happened. You need to talk about what you are for each other, and what you feel for each other. Without communication, a friendship means nothing.”

Steve swallowed, then nodded. He knew she was right. He was just so fucking afraid. He loved Bucky with all his heart, loved him with all he had. He could not lose him. Whether it was as a friend or a lover, he just needed Bucky in his life. He didn’t want to face the possibility that he had screwed up – that he had lost him. He wanted to rewind to that day where he accepted to kiss Bucky for that fucking ticket in Coney Island. He wanted to stop himself for protesting at the price, to let himself enjoy the afternoon with his friend. He just wished he hadn’t agreed to that fake-dating plan in the first place.

Who decided to fake date the person they were secretly in love with? Only Steve. Only Steve.

**

Steve went home with a weight in his chest. He knew that he’d have to face Bucky when he arrived, and whatever Bucky felt, he couldn’t not be mad at the way Steve had acted. He had been stupid and terrified and now he was going to pay the price – and face the consequences, because Natasha was right. He was an adult. He didn’t want to lose Bucky, and not talking to him would destroy everything that was still salvageable in their relationship.

Steve knocked on the door when he got home. He didn't have to – he had the key, after all. But he didn’t want to surprise Bucky, he didn’t want to intrude, and mostly, he didn’t want it to look like he wasn’t feeling guilty.

Bucky didn’t answer. Steve knocked once more, but Bucky still didn’t answer, so Steve let himself in. 

Bucky was not in the living room. He wasn’t in the kitchen either.

Steve was starting to feel sick. Maybe he had left? Maybe he didn’t want to see Steve anymore, ever?

Then Steve heard noise – a faint noise, coming from Bucky’s room. Steve approached the door, then knocked. The noise stopped. 

“Bucky?” Steve tried. No answer.

“Bucky, it’s me, Steve, I need- We need to talk, I’m-”

Steve heard a hiccup from inside the room. Bucky was crying. Steve couldn’t hear this any longer. He opened the door.

Bucky was outright sobbing – silently sobbing, on his bed. 

Steve’s heart broke on the spot.

“Oh, Bucky,” he exclaimed, and Bucky looked up. His eyes were glossy and red, and he gasped when he noticed Steve. 

In a second, Steve was next to him – it was an instinct, he just couldn’t do nothing when his best friend, the _love of his life_ was hurting. But when he got closer, he hesitated. He didn’t know if Bucky wanted him to be there. He was the reason Bucky was crying, after all. 

“Bucky I’m so, so sorry” “Steve I’m-” They started at the same time.

They both stopped, and looked at each other. Bucky was still crying, but he was quiet.

“Can I-” Steve started. “Can I hold you?”

Bucky seemed to be hesitating, then he nodded.

“Please,” he let out in a strangled voice.

Steve took him in his arms. He didn’t know whether it was appropriate – not after what had happened earlier. But right now Bucky was there and he was starting to calm down in his arms and that was all that mattered to him.

“I’m so sorry,” Steve said. “I’m so sorry.”

“I shouldn’t have-” Bucky said in a sob.

“Bucky, I just- I don’t, I didn’t want to trap you like that, I-”

Bucky looked up from where he was tucked in Steve’s shoulder. He hiccuped softly.

“What? Trap- what?”

“When I- When I kissed you.”

Bucky gasped. Steve was lost. Was that not what had happened?

“When you kissed me?”

Steve's brow furrowed. He hadn't imagined the scene, had he? Was Bucky suffering from memory loss? Maybe Steve's betrayal had been too much of a shock for his brain that he had developed amnesia?

“Yeah?” 

Bucky hesitated, then frowned.

“Steve, _I_ kissed you.”

“Wh- no, I kissed you. I remember kissing you.”

“Yeah, you remember when we were kissing because _I kissed you!_ ” Bucky was coming to look quite distraught, but at least he was not crying anymore.

“No, that's not what I mean – I remember wanting to kiss you and- wait. What do you mean you kissed me? You wanted to kiss me?”

“Well,” Bucky hesitated once more. “Yeah?”

Steve's mouth gaped open. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Bucky asked, unsure. Then: “Good oh or bad oh?”

“I wanted to kiss you too,” Steve answered.

The truth was out now. There was no going back. But Bucky had said – he wanting to kiss him, so he couldn't hate him for wanting it too, right?

“You did?”

“Yeah- I- I did.”

“Then why did you leave?”

Steve felt his heart sink.

“Because- I was afraid- I didn't think…”

“You didn't think you wanted me?”

“I didn't think you wanted me back,” Steve said softly.

Bucky's eyes widened at that, and then he frowned.

“So you thought it'd be easier to just leave? Instead of, what, facing me?”

“I was afraid, I- I can't lose you, Buck…”

“You'd never lose me, punk.”

Steve looked at Bucky for a second, and then everything hit him at once. Bucky _wanted him too._ He had been pining on him for years and now, he finally had a real chance? He was not dreaming. It was _real._ He was going to- 

“Buck, can I kiss you?”

Bucky nodded, eyes wide open.

Steve moved into Bucky's space again, even though they hadn't really parted from their hug. Their noses bumped against each other, and when their lips touched, it felt like the first time all over again. Even though they had kissed countless times during their pretending, even though they had kissed earlier – it felt new and raw and like everything they could ever want in their lives.

When they parted, they rested their foreheads against each other. Bucky smiled, and Steve felt himself smile too. It was real. He was there with Bucky, and it was real.

“I can't believe we had to fake-date for me to gather the courage to kiss you,” Bucky said.

Steve frowned. “I kissed you.”

“Will you let that go already? I kissed you!”

“No no I very well remember looking at you, thinking that I was going to kiss you, and then leaning in to kiss you.”

“Well I remember the same!”

Steve kissed Bucky to shut him up. It was a tender kiss, and Bucky kissed back with devotion and care. Steve brought his hand to Bucky's face, slowly caressing his cheek, and Bucky sighed against him.

Everything finally fell into place.

**

Steve and Bucky took some time to come back to reality after their kiss – they were probably both still riding the high of discovering that their everlasting feelings were requited. They kissed for a long time after that not saying much, and then they stayed like that for a while, tucked close to each other, feeling each other’s warmth.

But they needed to talk. They were stupid and they didn't know how to, so they tended to show everything with actions instead of words but some situations needed talking to stay clear, and it was one of those situations.

Steve looked at Bucky who had drifted off against him sometime after they had gotten under the covers of Bucky's bed – not pretending anymore that being that close was anything platonic. Bucky was beautiful in sleep and Steve wanted to kiss him, and he could, so he did it. He kissed his forehead, then the bridge of his nose, and when Bucky blinked and woke up, he kissed his lips and felt Bucky smile against him.

“Hello,” he said softly.

“Hey,” Bucky answered, and then he kissed him back. “God,” he said. “You can't imagine for how long I have wanted to do that.”

“Yeah?” Steve asked. “Probably not as long as I have wanted to.” He kissed him again.

“Steve,” Bucky said against his lips. Steve hummed. “Steve, we should probably get out of the bed and eat something. And like, talk.”

Steve groaned, but he knew Bucky was right. At least this time he was optimistic. You didn't kiss a guy you didn't want to date, right? Especially if that guy was your childhood best friend?

“You're right,” he said, then made no move to stand up.

Bucky pushed at his chest, though he stayed in bed too.

“Steeeeeeve. We're grown ups now. We need to talk.”

“Did Natasha tell you that?”

“What? No. It was Sam. And probably Wanda, somehow. Why?”

“I don't know. It sounds like Natasha.”

“These two have been hanging out way too much for our own good,” Bucky answered.

Steve chuckled, then kissed Bucky again, just because he could.

“Don't change the subject, Steve, and leave this bed right now, or I'll kick you out of it.”

“I'd like to see you try.”

“Yeah?” Bucky asked, then started pushing Steve with his legs.

Steve grabbed them before Bucky could push him out of bed, and started tickling the inside of Bucky’s knees. Bucky squirmed away, laughing, but Steve was relentless until Bucky distracted him by kissing him senseless.

When they both came back to their senses, they stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds before Bucky let out in a sigh: “God, I love so fucking much.”

Steve whined, his voice breaking, then he surged to get closer to Bucky, to kiss him again.

“I love you too, Buck, I love you so much…” He repeated like a mantra, like an incantation. At this moment, it seemed to be the only thing he knew.

“I can't-” Bucky started, then interrupted himself. “I can't believe it's real. Is it real?”

“Yeah,” Steve said, stroking his cheek. He wanted to make him feel his presence. “It's real. I love you so much. I love you so damn much.”

Bucky started crying in his arms.

“Oh Buck, why are you- please don't cry, Buck, tell me…”

“It's just,” Bucky sobbed, “I've loved you for so fucking long, I never thought- I didn't think anymore- that something could happen, and with everything that changed these past months, I was so afraid of losing you, but I just- I wanted you so much, I loved you, I love you so much, I didn't know how to deal with it…”

“Shh, it's alright, I'm there, I'm there, you could never lose me, I love you, Bucky, I love you,” Steve said again, and again, and again, “I love you, I love you, I love you,” he repeated until he felt Bucky calm down in his arms.

“I love you too,” Bucky said in a softer voice. He was still shaking slowly, but Steve was stroking his arms, feeling the difference between warm flesh and cold metal, and Bucky buried his head into Steve's shoulder.

“I'll never leave you, Buck,” Steve said. “I've loved you forever.”

“Forever?” Bucky asked.

“Since I knew what loving was,” Steve answered.

Bucky whined. “I can't believe I spent half of my life wanting you in secret, terrified you'd find out, so convinced that I didn't stood a chance… but I did?”

Steve kissed the corner of his eye, then his temple.

“I can't believe I was so sure you'd stop talking to me the moment you found out,” Bucky continues. “That it'd ruin our friendship, that it'd ruin everything- I couldn't lose you, I couldn't lose what we had and I would have rather had you as a friend forever than not have you at all-”

“You have me- You have me forever, Buck, you have me- However you want me.”

“I want all of you,” Bucky whispered. “I want to spend my whole life by your side”

Steve kissed him, tangling his hand in Bucky’s hair. They kissed and kissed again until they ran out of air, and even then they didn't part properly, just stayed close to each other.

“We really gotta leave this bed, though,” Steve said after a short period of comfortable silence.

“Well I kept saying that a few minutes ago,” Bucky answered in a sleepy voice, then he stirred and made a move to stand up.

They went to the living room in silence, and though the air was heavy between them, it felt right to both of them- being here, being together, not hiding how they felt anymore.

“Do you want pancakes?” Steve suggested.

“Steve, you're just trying to delay our discussion,” Bucky answered.

Steve winced. “Sorry. I'm not good with communication.”

“Hell, neither am I. Look where it got us.”

Bucky made a face at Steve, then Steve laughed. “I'd say it got us somewhere good though, am I wrong?” He asked.

“I don't know Stevie, tell me, where are we?”

Steve leaned against the counter for support. “I love you, Buck. But we're going where you want us to go. You know I'll follow you.”

Bucky sighed, laughter long gone in his voice, and pulled a chair to sit next to Steve.

“I love you too. I'm just afraid- I was just not expecting- I just don't really know what to say. I'm sorry.”

“Hey, it's OK. We can take that slow, as slow as you want. I'll do whatever I need to make you comfortable.”

Bucky smiled at Steve, who left his position against the counter to lean forward, closer to Bucky. Bucky moved too until they were in the same space again, and Bucky kissed him slowly.

“I know I want to be with you,” Bucky said. “If that's what you want too. I don't want to fake it anymore. I want to be with you for real.”

“God, Buck, there's nothing I want more. It was- it was never really fake to me. I've loved you all along.”

“It was never fake to me either,” Bucky said. “I could never fake what I feel for you- it’s all true, it’s all true.”

Steve felt tears threatening to come, and he captured Bucky in a hug instead.

“I love you,” he said. “Please be my boyfriend for real.”

“Of course, oh my god, of course,” Bucky answered. “I want to be with you forever.”

They held each other against the chair where Bucky had sat. They were together, and together they were ready to face everyone else – the both of them against the world. Everything was going to be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT FINALLY HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> I hope you liked this chapter!!! It's the final chapter but there will be an epilogue in two weeks. I'm still very sorry that I can't publish every week anymore, but hopefully you like the chapters enough to stick around!  
> So what did you think of this chapter? Finally some communication!! Who would have believed it!  
> I'll have a surprise for you in two weeks when the epilogue is published... Hope you'll like it!  
> Thank you for reading! You can find me on tumblr @jeeanmoreau if you want to scream about stevebucky with me!


	13. Epilogue

Steve and Bucky got invited at Peggy and Angie's place before they got around to telling them that the dynamics of their relationship had changed. They didn't really know how to break the news to anyone. It was weird, wasn't it? They had heard them whine and complain about their unrequited love for years for it to actually be requited.

During the dinner the air around them seemed pregnant with something and maybe it was just the weight of what they were not saying that made everything heavier around Steve and Bucky. 

Peggy was quite oblivious but Angie, though, seemed to have noticed something. She was looking at them weirdly, like she wanted to laugh during the whole evening, and when she brought dessert - an incredible carrot cake that had Bucky salivating just at the sight- she even winked at them over Peggy's shoulder.

While they were eating the cake, though, Peggy seemed to finally notice that something was odd in their behaviour.

“What's happening to you two?” she asked. “I've never seen you that quiet. Did you have a fight or something?”

Angie laughed and Peggy frowned at her. “Am I missing something?”

“Peggy-” Steve started, then looked at Bucky for support. Bucky smiled at him, which was encouraging enough. “-Bucky and I are dating. For real.”

Peggy threw her hands in the air. “I knew it!”

“No babe, you didn't,” Angie answered.

Peggy frowned. “No, I knew it would happen. That's what I meant.”

Then she stared at Steve. “You! I can't believe I had to handle YEARS of pining and those past months of you whining all the time, _oh Peggy help me, Bucky doesn't love me and it's too hard to make it seem like I'm faking anymore,_ and you just come into my home and tell me that you finally got your shit together- like it's nothing?”

Steve knew she was teasing, but there was also some truth in what she said, so he wrapped her up in his arms. 

“Thanks, Peggy, for dealing with me and not kicking me too many times,” he said, and Bucky snorted.

“Too many times,” he repeated, looking at Steve fondly.

“I couldn't control myself all the time,” Peggy answered. “You weren't there. You couldn't understand.”

“I'm sure he deserved it,” Bucky said.

“What? You're supposed to side with me, jerk!” Steve exclaimed.

“It was never specified in the terms of our relationship,” Bucky answered. “Punk.”

“Well I for one am very happy for you two,” Angie said in a soft voice.

“Aww,” Bucky let out.

“As Pegs said, you took long enough to get your shit together, but you deserve happiness and I'm glad it worked out,” she added.

“Yeah, well, I’m happy for you too”, Peggy said, and her smile softened. “I really am.”

She took Steve in her arms. “You big dumbass,” she said. “I can’t believe you didn’t believe he loved you back.”

Then she made grabby hands at Bucky who came into the hug. “And you,” she continued. “I can’t believe you never saw the way he looked at you, it was not like he was subtle.”

Steve pushed at her shoulder and she laughed. “You’ll have to wear matching costumes at our wedding now,” she said, and the boys both blushed. 

“I suspect you’re going to be very annoying with that, Pegs”, Steve answered, and the grin on Peggy’s face turned wolfish. 

“Oh, honey, you know I will be.”

“Don’t worry,” Angie interrupted. “We know you’ll do the same for us the day of your wedding, huh?”

Steve and Bucky had never blushed that hard in their lives. Peggy bursted into laughter and highfived her fiancee.

**

Bucky kissed Steve on his cheek and grabbed his hand. “I can’t believe we went on so many dates before we were even dating for real. I don’t know where to bring you anymore”, he said, and Steve laughed.

“As long as I’m with you, it’s alright,” he answered.

“Oh shut it, you big sap.”

They had decided to come back to Coney Island, because they were both stupid romantics and they liked the symbol of coming back to the place where all of their absurd story had started. It was their first real date, technically, though it felt nothing like a first date since they knew each other perfectly and had been on many fake-dates that hadn't felt fake for a while.

It was almost funny how nothing had really changed between them since they had started dating for real, which could only mean one thing : they had been dating for far longer without realizing it.

They were always together, after all they lived in the same apartment and had pretty much started sleeping permanently in the same room even before they had confessed their feelings.

They did domestic shit like they used to - cook together, clean up the apartment together, watch dumb TV shows while cuddling, fall asleep on top of the other when the TV got boring, eat breakfast together, bring each other lunch at work when they had the time - as if they were married and just like when they were just friends.

Some things had changed, sure. They kissed, which was a great improvement. They kissed all the time. They kissed each other good morning when they woke up all cuddled together in bed. They kissed each other goodbye when they left to work in the morning, and they kissed when they came back in the evening. They kissed lazily on the couch when they had nothing else to do, slowly discovering the other's body in ways that they could only imagine before.

But overall it was the same as it had always been and maybe it was for the best. It meant that they already knew that it would work, that they'd work well together, since they'd had years to learn how to live together, how to deal with everything that came with being Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes in a world that cared an awful lot about Steve Rogers and more or less not at all about Bucky Barnes. 

They had also already dealt with the media implications of them being together, which meant it was one thing less to care about. It didn't mean that anything had changed for the paparazzi who didn't seem to have noticed the shift in their relationship. Which seemed weird, of course, because at the time, it had been welcome - well, almost welcome- since it had been the goal of their whole plan. But now it seemed out of place, a remain of the previous state of what they had once been.

They were still there, taking pictures of them holding hands in Coney Island just like they had months ago when all of that had started. Sure, they were annoying but in a way, Steve and Bucky should be grateful of them - without that dumb picture, they would have probably never gotten together. 

It didn't mean that it was pleasant for Steve and Bucky to be watched as they learned how to navigate their new relationship. It was hypocritical for them to get angry at paparazzi who followed them since their act had been built to attract paparazzi in the first place - but now they wanted to be able to be together without the scrutiny of thousands of Steve’s fans - now that their relationship was real, that their dates were real, they wanted to keep it to themselves. 

They didn't want to feel like they were still performing their love for the others. They were in love for real. They wanted to scream it from the rooftops and yet they didn't want anyone to hear.

They didn't have a choice, though, so they dealt with it.

“I can't believe we're back there,” Bucky said- whispered, really, because it would be a shame to get caught now talking about their lie since it was not a lie anymore. “And I can't believe you haven't made a fuss about the ticket price.”

Steve laughed. “Call it growth if you want,” he answered.

“I'm starting to suspect that you had planned it all out, you know. Maybe you knew I'd suggest this plan, uh? Maybe you paid the paparazzi yourself?” Bucky teased.

“Sure. I knew exactly what went through your mind. I actually asked Coney Island to make that offer in the first place. It was easier than asking you out.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “What an incredible plot,” he answered.

Steve kissed him, because he could.

“We could have been together for so long. Do you sometimes think about it? I've loved you forever.” Bucky said. “If one of us had had a brain…”

“It's way funnier to tell the world how we got together now, though.” Steve answered.

“We can't tell the world, though. They think we've been dating for months. No one's going to ask how we got together. They think they already have the story.”

“Come on, your parents knew that we were not together.”

Bucky laughed. “Oh my god you're right. They're going to tease us for ages. They're going to be so proud of their shenanigans, when they told you about my feelings for you…”

“God, you can't imagine what a torture it was. I didn't know if it was true, I was afraid to let myself believe it was! Natasha wanted to tear my head off every time I talked about you. Damn, she's going to murder me when she learns that you've loved me back for so long.”

“You haven't told her yet?”

“Have you told Sam and Wanda?” Steve asked back.

Bucky winced. “OK, I understand. We're both going to get killed, aren't we?”

Steve nodded solemnly.

“Well I'm glad I spent my last living days dating you, punk.” Bucky said.

Then his face softened.

“God, I still can't believe it. I love you so goddamn much.” He continued.

“Oh, Bucky,” Steve whispered. “I love you too. I feel like I'm going to wake up any minute, but I don't care, I'm just so happy to be with you right now.”

Bucky and Steve got closer, then Steve captured Bucky in a hug. Luckily enough, they seemed to be alone in this alley, even though there might have been one or two paparazzi hidden somewhere - after all they had learned that they might be anywhere now, and they were always suspicious.

“We're really stupid, you know?” Bucky said after a while. “We've been friends forever. We've been in love forever. Yet we decided to pretend to be together, when we both wanted to be together for real.”

Steve laughed.

“No, no, let me finish. So we were both there, trying to pretend we were not in love for real, faking the intimacy we really dreamed of- but none of us made a move. Because we were terrified, no, convinced that our feelings were not requited-”

“It's sadder that it is funny when you put it like that,” Steve said.

“Shut up, we're both drama queens and we had a drama queen-worthy getting together story, I think that fits us.”

Steve laughed again. “God, but you're right. We were so stupid. Why did we agree to this thing in the first place? It was obvious that it'd be weird to pretend- it was obvious that it'd be too hard.”

“Cause we were- I mean, we are, dumb, and in love, and that's never an incredible combination, pal.”

**

“This is an intervention,” Sam declared when the door opened.

“Hello to you too, Sam, what matter blesses us with your presence today?” Bucky answered, already rolling his eyes.

Sam hadn't bothered to call to warn that he'd be joining them for dinner that day - and neither did Wanda nor Natasha, who were standing behind him.

“We've got things to discuss, young thing,” Sam said, even though he was younger than Bucky. With a wave of his hand, he made Bucky move from the door, and the three of them entered the apartment.

“Oh, hi, Sam- Wanda- Natasha?” Steve said from where he was sitting in the living room, less and less confident as he saw them enter. “Were you invited? Did we forget some important event?”

“We invited ourselves, Steve,” Natasha said, insisting on the name, “since we obviously don't care about telling things to our friends now, am I right?”

Steve winced. “I don't know what you're talking about,” he said, even though he knew exactly what she was talking about.

“Sure you don't,” Natasha answered.

She sat on the sofa right in front of Steve and looked at him right in the eyes. Sam came to stand just behind her, while Wanda wandered in the kitchen.

“So, you're together for real now,” Sam said.

Bucky coughed. “I'm sorry?”

“Don't lie, dumbass. Wanda told us.” Natasha answered.

Bucky turned to Steve. Steve shook his head.

“I didn't tell her,” he mouthed.

“She knows,” Natasha continued. “It's useless to deny it.”

“How does she- OK, I'm not even gonna ask,” Steve said. 

“It's Wanda,” Sam and Bucky said at the same time.

Wanda chuckled behind them. No one had noticed her coming into the living room. Bucky frowned, then shrugged.

“I saw the pictures of your last date in Coney Island,” Wanda explained, “and I understood that you had finally done something about your feelings.”

“But how? There was nothing different.” Bucky asked.

She shrugged, then seemed to lose interest in the conversation. Bucky gave up.

“So at least you're not denying anything,” Sam said.

Steve rolled his eyes. “Wanda knows,” he said. 

“I don't understand why none of you told us anything,” Natasha interrupted, “considering how the both of you were just so _keen_ on complaining to us about _everything_ when you were still stupid and pining.”

“They're still stupid,” Wanda said.

“Oh, unfortunately I know that,” Natasha answered.

“Explain yourself,” Sam declared. 

“Wh- what?” Steve asked. “We don’t have anything to explain!” He crossed his arms in defiance.

“Man, don’t even start. Just tell us how it happened, I think we ought to know, the both of you kinda involved us in this relationship a while ago, you know.”

Bucky and Steve looked at each other for a second, then Bucky shrugged.

“We kissed, and then Steve ran away, and then he came back, we kissed again, and now we’re together.”

Natasha’s smile turned predatory. “So you _did_ come back!” She exclaimed.

“Well, you know, you kind of threw me out of your house, so it’s not like I had anywhere else to go.”  
“Details.”

“So that’s it, that’s the whole story, there’s nothing else to say,” Bucky added. “Do you want some coffee?”

Sam nodded, and Bucky left the room to make coffee. 

“What the fuck, Steve?” Natasha asked as soon as Bucky was out of earshot. “You came to my home crying, I thought you were going to flee the city and become a hermit rather than talk to Bucky again, and then you two kissed and made up and you don’t even tell me?”

“I’m sorry, Nat, I just didn’t know- I felt bad, OK? I felt stupid, because you had been right from the beginning and I had made everything more complicated than it was, and I felt dumb and I didn’t want to face it. I’m sorry.”

Natasha pursued her lips. “OK, I understand. But it was not cool. I care about you, you know. I don’t like seeing you in this state.”

“What state?” Bucky asked, coming back to the room with coffee.

“Happy,” Natasha answered, “In love, it’s even more disgusting than when you two were pining, I’m going to vomit.”

Steve rolled his eyes at the contrast in Natasha’s attitude, but said nothing. He knew she didn’t like showing vulnerability - it was her upbringing that made her like that. 

“Guys, you know, we’re actually happy for you,” Sam declared. “We’re just confused as to why you didn’t tell us, but we’re glad you finally got your heads out of your asses. Maybe you’ll start making smarter decisions now, who knows.”

“Don’t expect too much,” Wanda said, and Bucky managed not to jump when she appeared again behind him. No one knew where she had been. “They’re still going to have stupid ideas. They already have some in their minds right now.”

“How do you kn- you know what, I don’t care. One day, I’ll figure you out, but that day’s not coming anytime soon, I guess.” Bucky said.

Wanda laughed. “I know you will.”

“Stop! Being! That! Ominous! You’re just making shit up!”

“Am I?”

Bucky threw his hands in the air, and everyone in the room burst into laughter.

“Please support me, Steve, you’re supposed to support me,” Bucky whined. 

Steve put his hand around Bucky’s shoulder and chuckled. “I do, don’t worry.” Bucky made a face but said nothing. Natasha rolled her eyes, but it was fond.

“Natasha’s right.” Sam exclaimed. “It’s even worse now that you’re together, oh my god. I didn’t think it was possible, I think we had seen the worst of it…”

“We weren’t _that_ bad, were we?” Steve asked.

“Yes you were,” Natasha and Sam said at the same time.

“Man, Bucky spent the whole time at work talking about you, whining about you, pining over you... “

“Stop that!” Bucky complained.

“Oh, Steve is so nice, Steve is so handsome, I can’t believe I get to pretend to be with him-”

Bucky left Steve’s space to put a hand over Sam’s mouth to shut him up. “Don’t you dare saying anything more!”

“Don’t worry Bucky, Steve was even worse,” Natasha said, smirking. 

“I wasn’t,” Steve answered.

“Oh, Steve, you thought he was going to find out about your feelings _all the time_ , you thought everything you did could make Bucky hate you-”

“Well, I was afraid…”

“Oh, Stevie! I could never hate you.” Bucky interrupted.

“I know that now.”

“Anyway, you’ll have to repay for what you put us through, you know,” Sam declared. Natasha nodded, serious.

“We’ll invite you for diner someday, I promise,” Steve answered. “Is that alright with you?”

Sam smiled. “Sounds good to me.”  
“I have another question,” Bucky declared. “How come you two talk that much now?”

“Us two? Natasha and I?” Sam asked. Bucky nodded.

There was silence for a few seconds. Confused silence on Bucky and Steve’s side, but it seemed more like astonished silence on Sam and Natasha’s side.

“Goddamn, you really are the most oblivious people on this planet, aren’t you?” Natasha asked. Steve frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“What she means,” Sam answered, “is that Natasha and I have been dating for a while now.”

Bucky instantly fell from the side of the couch he had sat on.

**

Later that night, Steve was cleaning the table when Bucky called him to the living room. Bucky had been scrolling through Twitter for a while now, trying to see what Wanda saw in their last date pictures, trying to notice anything different. So far, he hadn’t been successful, but then, he had lost himself on Steve’s fan accounts. It was always weird but funny to see all those people fawning over Steve, and now he didn’t even have to feel jealous of anything - he knew Steve was with him, and that was the greatest thing he had ever felt.

“What’s the matter?” Steve said when he sat down next to Bucky, just after he gave him a kiss. Bucky fought the blush threatening to take over his face, as he did everytime Steve was casually giving him romantic attention, as if it was nothing, as if it didn’t shake his whole world.

“Look at that,” Bucky answered, showing him the screen.

It was a thread on Twitter, written by a fan account called @captainassmerica, which was an incredible name in Bucky’s opinion, but a ridiculous name in Steve’s. Steve rolled his eyes, but kept reading.

“I don’t think Steve’s boyfriend and him are really together,” the tweet said, and Steve’s eyes widened. “I’ve compiled proofs in this thread, don’t send hate.”

The thread below was a succession of pictures from Steve and Bucky’s different outings, some snippets of interviews Steve made, pictures from Steve’s instagram, and even some Tumblr posts, that the fan was analyzing as proofs that Steve was actually only _pretending_ to date Bucky. At the end, she wrote :

“I don’t know why they’d do that, but I feel quite sure of what I’m saying. If you gives have ideas and theories, please comment.”

The proofs were not incredible in Steve’s opinion, but they were not absurd, and though the girl had received many insults under her tweets, a lot of fans seemed to doubt Steve and Bucky’s relationship now, and agree with her. Some even sent other proofs, and many were suggesting theories as to why they’d decide to fake a relationship.

Some theories were absurd and borderline homophobic. They said that Steve was actually dating Natasha - of course they said that, Steve’s thread was not enough - but they didn’t want to threaten Natasha’s career by making her _some famous actor’s girlfriend_ , so giving him a relationship with Bucky would ease reporters’ suspicions… It was a ridiculous theory, since it wouldn’t have worked in the first place, as HYDRA had shown already. 

Other theories pretended that Steve had only come out to seem _woke_ in his audience’s eyes, which made Steve sigh. He scrolled down. Another tweet claimed that it was only a way to make people talk about him, and he was not actually bisexual, and bisexuality was a trend, and blah, blah, blah, he scrolled down. 

Someone said that Steve was actually _really_ bisexual (thank you!) but actually single, and he had invented his relationship with Bucky because people only cared about celebrities’ lives when they were in a relationship, and he didn’t want his coming out to be ignored, which was actually not that bad of a theory, though it was still terribly wrong.

No one even came close to the real thing, which was, well, quite understandable. Even them couldn’t imagine that Steve and Bucky were _that_ stupid.

“They’re more clever than we thought, you know,” Bucky declared. “They kind of figured us out, in the end.”

“Yeah, they were just too late, I guess.” 

“But now they’re going to doubt us forever, you realize that?”

“I guess we’ll have to make them believe in our relationship again,” Steve laughed, and he nudged Bucky’s shoulder with his, and then leaned down to kiss him.

Bucky kissed back with a smile. “How are we going to do that? It’s not like we can, I don’t know, pretend to get engaged so they realize we’re really committed.”

Silence settled between them. Steve stared at Bucky. Bucky stared at Steve.

“Yeah,” Steve answered, and then they kept staring at each other.

It was not like they could. They had _finally_ gotten out of their lie. It was enough for both of them. They couldn’t pretend to get married now.

Peggy would kill them.

Natasha and Sam would skin them alive.

It’s not like they could. They had been officially dating for only a few months. It would seem forced to everyone.

But the theories were there…

Would it be _that_ bad?

“It’s not like we can,” Bucky repeated, “pretend to get engaged.”

Steve nodded very, very slowly.

Oh, how _stupid_ they were.

**

Bucky’s phone vibrated.

 **WANDA**  
Don’t be dumber than you really are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it!!! This story is finally over!  
> I hope you liked it! It was my first Marvel fic and my first ever multichaptered fic, so it was an experiment for me and I found that I quite liked it! I also loved reading your comments through the story, and I hope it was as pleasant an experience for you as it was for me.  
> So two weeks ago I promised a surprise coming with this chapter and it's the moment to unveil it! It is [the first chapter of my new Steve/Bucky AU](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17230670/chapters/40518605) !!!!!! This is an AU based on the movie "The Ten Year Plan", where Steve and Bucky make a pact to start dating if they're still single ten years later. I hope you like it!  
> Thank you for everyone who read this story! You can find me on tumblr, @jeeanmoreau  
> Feel free to message me or send me asks!


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